A different take on friends with benefits from a guys perspective

[dolebopper]

I meet this 25 yo woman this 4thof July. Iam soon to be 42. She is just out of a year and half on relationship, and Ihave notbeen ina relationship for 2 years.

Turns out we attended the same high school and she knows my younger sister from my dad's 2nd marriage. She made the first move and we have gone out several times. After the first date, we went back to my place and kissed for over an hour-then she went home. Things seemed to go well-however we had very limited phone contact over the following 2 weeks, culminating in her calling me and telling me ""I've decided I don't want to date you, but I really like you, I think you are cool, and I want to be your friend" I was like Ok..

So since then, we have continued to go out on movie/lunch/dinner type dates. And have really done alot of talking about all kinds of things. We have become good friends and confide in each other for lots of personal things. We both want to get married and have kids (but it's not clear if to each other is a possibility yet) We've had the most amazing sex 3 different times and what we have is a friends w/ benefits situation. She has made it clear that she enjoys having sex with me and would like to continue doing this. And so would I!

 

My question is, is it possible this could lead to a more serious relationship? The sex is amazing. We are teachng each other lots of things in that dept., we are growing closer as friends, and it feels like it could develop into more-but she keeps the door open for other opportunities and I don't want to ruin what I have and drive her away by inadvertently applying pressure to this woman in the hopes of going further toward a serous relationship.

 

I am so confused on what to do. I am getting most of what I want but not all- how can I enjoy this when I have most of what I need but not all? I feel myself falling for her-but is it just that I am confusing our friendship and sex with my own desire for sex & emotional committment after having not been in a relationship for 2 years?

 

Is it that Iam happy to be "getting some" and have a connection with someone after a long spell alone (after a 5 and half year long relationship that ended badly). I feel like I enjoy this person on the physically intimiate level and would very much like it to turn into more. I dont want to get hurt and I dont want to push her away by appearing to needy or available. I should mention I moved 3000 miles to a city where i know no one-so loneliness and isolation can be a factor as well.

 

Our time together is full of good times, great sex and open communication-however I dont want to bring up this issue and have it result in her walking out of fear that Iam trying to get too close. I know she senses that I really dig her and appreciate her. She talks about about doing things inthe future with me so I know she is not ready to end it-. I know she trusts me, and I totally respect her! I am really in a bind.

Thanks for any suggestions or advice!

[cuul_gurl]

it looks like both of u r having a great time together...just go slow...since she really likes u...i don't c any problem...just take one day at a time...keep giving her hints, but don't push her too much

[dolebopper]

Thanks for your suggestion! Like they say-slow and steady wins the race. I appreciate your taking time to offer your opinion and advice!

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

It sounds to me like your age might be why she is hesitant to have a relationship with you (other than sexual). She probably always dreamed of meeting mister right, getting married, having kids, but not to someone 17 years older than her!

 

I'm not saying she never will change her mind on this, but it's probably something she has to give serious thought to, and I'm sure you have thought of it as well.

[dolebopper]

Thanks for your reply! YOu are very right on as far as the age thing goes and anyone would have to give serious thought to such a huge age difference-though granted this isnt a anna nicole smith type age difference

 

however, we have discussed the age difference and she ia a) attracted to older guys and b) explicitly stated that the age difference means nothing to her and she has given it thought. IF anything I am the one who is tripping on the age difference.

 

Having said that, I have discovered recently that she had several very bad relationship experiences and her reluctance to jump right into a new relationship with me is partially based on not wanting to make any mistakes and making sure she is making a right decision. I think, if I take it slow and do not smother her she might come around and that would mean we are both really happy! If that does not happen, well at least we are friends and we enjoy hanging out together and that is better than nothing at all. I think she is alittle gun shy and wants to sort of test the waters with me first before making any more committments. Which is fine. Thanks again for everyone who has replied!