Romantic communication in 'the modern era'

[nospam99]

I'm 60s, male, divorced within the last year, not yet dating again, but working on opening up various avenues for social contacts where I can have opportunities to meet women who might have mutual interest in me. So I started reading threads here at loveshack.

 

The thing that has me a bit mystified is posts describing the way people say they communicate with their, for lack of a better term, 'dating partners'. So many of the posts talk about texting and instant messages. Isn't dating, at least a little, about establishing an emotional connection? How does that work with texting? To me, the most straightforward way to communicate with a dating partner, granted not every day nor until the relationship is at least started, is face to face conversation. It doesn't need a 'date'. Meet for lunch. Go to the supermarket together. Second most is a phone call. Do you 'kids' know what the difference between synchronous and asynchronous is? Do you value the sound of your dating partner's voice? Their body language (when the communication is face to face)? How much tougher is it to establish an emotional connection with asynchronous technology? (I admit I don't know.) Most importantly, is using so much technology to communicate perhaps a way to maintain emotional distance?

 

I understand that keeping that distance makes it easier to soften the blow of a break-up. I grok 'ghosting'. But ultimately do people think the tradeoff works?

[CC12]

I think texting and instant messaging is just the way (especially younger) people are most comfortable communicating nowadays. I'm pretty sure adults said the same thing about youngsters dating when the telephone became widely available - "How will they even get to know each other when they don't see each other face-to-face?" They adapt. It's normal for them.

 

But for what it's worth, I think there are a lot more problems in dating when people use text messages as their primary means of communication. I think it's a lot easier to understand "This person isn't that interested in me" when you can actually see and read their tone, body language, and facial responses. So much of that can be lost or misinterpreted in text, leading to a lot of confusion and frustration.

 

Luckily, if you're trying to date other people in your age range, they'll probably be more accustomed to communicating the way you're used to.

[d0nnivain]

If you are going to try to date a 20 something you better up your texting game. If you are more sensible & wiling to date a woman your own age, your old fashioned communication skills will serve you well.

 

Texting is easier for little things like Good morning; I'm thinking about you; I'm running rate or could you please pick up milk on your way over? But it is not a good substitute for genuine human interaction. I don't care if the emoji is spewing a heart out of it's mouth; that is NOT a kiss.

[Cookiesandough]

I've actually considered dating 45+ year old men simply because they'd be less likely to expect texting all day long. If the guys are like this, I can't imagine what the chicks must be like.I don't like to develop relationships that way. Communication is too easy these days and it's almost as if you aren't allowed to have privacy. It's quantity instead of quality.

Edited September 23, 2017 by Cookiesandough