Help! I can't take it anymore!!!!

[SassyBug]

I got it bad!

 

I've been friends with this man for 17 months. We live 4 1/2 hours apart. I just got home from a week long visit with him a few days ago.

 

A few months ago I told him I was in love with him. He received it well, and said he had "feelings" for me too

 

he couldn't wait for me to come back and visit him

 

Our last visit was great and we had some really wonderful experiences together intimately.

 

We always call ourselves friends, but now I am home and I feel he's giving me a little cold shoulder

 

I notice he gets that way after we've been intimate

 

My heart is broken and I think he's afraid of his feelings for me. He is dating another woman too, which he has been honest to me about

 

and i have another friend also although I am not intimate with him

 

but none of it matters because he is the only one I am in love with!!!!!

 

We have a beautiful, loving and supportive relationship. When it comes to the love stuff, which I want more of and he shys away from, it gets sticky

 

I am a good looking young woman with a lot to offer and a good heart. I love him very much and miss him terribly and I don't know what to do. I feel like my heart will break

 

should i tell him how I feel? or will it make it worse and scare him away for good?

 

i hope not. we have promised each other to always be friends no matter what

[Lil Honey]

He is getting what he wants without any strings AND has another woman as well. Some how I doubt he is as "honest" about her as you want him to be.

 

Of course he has feelings for you. If he despised you, he wouldn't sleep with you. If he told you that he couldn't care less about you, you wouldn't sleep with him. By admitting he has "feelings" (which is such a GENERAL word), he is giving you some hope, which keeps you around.

 

Sometimes "scaring" someone away turns out to be the best thing for you. Broken hearts mend. Promises break, intentionally and accidentally.

 

Keep looking.

[SassyBug]

Yes, yes I agree. That is what I have been feeling. For once I would just like HONESTY complete HONESTY. i.e.

 

"I am interested in sleeping with you, but I am not in love with you."

 

Okay, uh I feel angry because I should've had the opportunity to chose. Now I'm afraid to lose the friendship part

 

but then yeah

 

I should ask myself

 

Do I really want friends who are not 100% honest?

 

 

I know this...Women are made differently, we go from the heart whereas I think men can seperate sex and love pretty easily.

 

Well, being so head over heels as I was (am) for him I let it happen, hoping maybe he was different.

 

And I'm sure it was good for him being with someone so passionate for him.

 

I'm just going to let it ride...and see what happens.

 

I truly think he is a commitment-phobe. When he does commit, he ends up with the bitchiest women alive....

 

what comes around goes around perhaps?

 

I know I have to let my broken heart mend. If he can't see that I am worth it then why should I force it?

 

it still hurts though

[Jayhawks]

We always call ourselves friends, but now I am home and I feel he's giving me a little cold shoulder

 

 

Why do you feel he is giving you the cold shoulder?

[SassyBug]

He's brief on the phone and he waits a few days to return my call. and he never responds to my emails but makes excuses about it

 

before this last visit he was all telling me he loved me and stuff like that. since he got what he wanted and i am home again now all that has stopped.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Yes, yes I agree. That is what I have been feeling. For once I would just like HONESTY complete HONESTY. i.e.

 

"I am interested in sleeping with you, but I am not in love with you."

 

Would you sleep with him if he actually told you that? He probably thinks that you would not, so that's why he won't be forthcoming.

 

He knows he has a chance with you, but he chooses to do this instead. He is accepting sex, and rejecting a relationship. What you have now is the best you can expect from him, so you will either have to adapt to and accept this on his terms or leave.

[megabit15]

" Yes, yes I agree. That is what I have been feeling. For once I would just like HONESTY complete HONESTY. i.e. "I am interested in sleeping with you, but I am not in love with you." Okay, uh I feel angry because I should've had the opportunity to chose. Now I'm afraid to lose the friendship part"

 

You feel angry because you should've had the opportunity to choose? You do and always have had the opportunity. Don't sleep with someone until you are sure of their feelings for you and have an exclusive agreement - if that is what you want. If you're already in the boat you're in, you STILL have the opportunity to choose to remain in it or not! Everything we do is OUR choice.

 

Also, he IS being honest with you. He tells you that he is seeing other people while he's sleeping with you. Actions speak louder than words.

 

Sorry for being harsh - but it's just reality of the way relationships go and many years of experience to share.

 

It seems I always hear the same thing: Us women will sleep with a guy without commitment and hope for something more, then feel bad about ourselves or resentful towards the guy when it doesn't turn out to be love. But we are the ones who put ourselves in the situation to begin with!

 

If you just want sex, go for it, but stop making those decisions if you are looking for love! Guys will have sex with someone they are attracted to while knowing they would never marry them. Sex is sex. Sex does not equal love or respect or commitment!

 

So, in your situtation, sure, tell him how you feel, but don't whine about it. Make a decision for yourself - if he says no exclusive commitment with you, then decide whether you can live with that.