HiCrunchy Posted September 22, 2017 Share Posted September 22, 2017 I always hear people say "she stole ur man" or viceversa. I do not believe someone can be "stolen" by someone else. Care to share thoughts? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 22, 2017 Share Posted September 22, 2017 Women can behave like vixens to try to tempt a man away from his woman. Men can behave in a confident/sexually dominant/complimentary manner to try to tempt a woman away from her man. But, you can only be "stolen" if you give into that temptation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
knabe Posted September 22, 2017 Share Posted September 22, 2017 The terminology may not be entirely correct. However, when someone says that it is usually because an outside person has become involved in a relationship that they didn't have any business encroaching upon. Saul regard list of terminology, they are accurately stating that someone who invades another person's relationship is a crappy person. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 23, 2017 Share Posted September 23, 2017 If a man left me because of another woman I'd see it more as she helped me get rid of the weakest link in my life. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted September 23, 2017 Share Posted September 23, 2017 She didn't steal anything. He chose by his own free well to leave you and go off with her. He wasn't kidnapped or taken against his will. He's he problem now. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted September 23, 2017 Share Posted September 23, 2017 I have two problems with claims like "she stole my man". Firstly, as others have pointed out, it is not possible to "steal" someone who has free will and choice and agency. They chose to go. They were not taken against their will (unless they were drugged and kidnapped, but I don't think that's what's usually meant). Secondly, "stole" and "my man" denote possession. Slavery is illegal. People are not possessions. Perhaps thinking of them in this way is what led said man to want to leave the relationship, and find another where he is at least treated as his own person and not a possession. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 23, 2017 Share Posted September 23, 2017 Yes, everyone has supposedly "free will", but some people do see something they want and will go out of their way to get it. So in a way they covet a desired object and then take that object away from someone else, which can equate to "stealing". They want that person and will do just about anything to get him/her away from their current love interest, partner or spouse... Ok people are not "objects", but in the face of a manipulative and organised "campaign", some people are putty in the hand. All "free will" is moot, they can have as much "free will" as a table leg. The person whose "object of desire" is stolen is often as helpless as a bank customer at the mercy of the "robber". All very well to "blame the victim", but there are very manipulative and devious people out there, so to say that in every case the "goods" were not "stolen", they wanted to go, is perhaps denying the fact these people exist. People have been seducing, manipulating, deceiving, tricking, scamming, bullying, coercing and forcing people to do things against their "free will" or better judgement since time immemorial. So yes, I do see it as stealing, not in every case of course, but sometimes definitely yes. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted September 23, 2017 Share Posted September 23, 2017 My first thought is jerry springer xD Link to post Share on other sites
wmacbride Posted September 23, 2017 Share Posted September 23, 2017 I don't think you can per se "steal" anyone, but what you can do is be really manipulative. This is true for both ow/om and ws. Of course, not all of them are this way, but there are some people out there who just know how to push other people's buttons and really keep them off centre. That doesn't excuse their behavior, but it might explain how some can get caught up in an affair before they even really realize it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted September 23, 2017 Share Posted September 23, 2017 Of course they can't. People are not things. They make decisions of their own free will. Unless there is literally some degree of kidnapping or coercion here, no one can "steal" a person who doesn't actually WANT to be "stolen". And if they do want to be, and the only reason they haven't is because no one has "offered" - do you really want to be with that person? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Whoknew30 Posted September 23, 2017 Share Posted September 23, 2017 No, unless kidnapped at gun point, no adult is "stolen"...in fact even that statement is extremely embarrassing logic to who thinks it bc what that means is your SO was such a weak individual to begin with that another person said "come with me" & the WP just went. Who even wants to own that they were such a weak person (& or still want to be with the kind of person that just goes off with whoever told them to) is beyond my comprehension. It's seems to be a defense logic against insecurity, that IMO creates more damage..bc the logic of this is ultimately "SO couldn't have left me bc it wasn't working out, it was against their will bc they were tricked". Which in turn also gives all the power to the OM/OW which is really a self esteem killer for the left person. So ultimately this defense mechanism, instead of really helping the self esteem, ultimately kills it even more. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Steve51 Posted September 23, 2017 Share Posted September 23, 2017 Both men and woman do not want to believe that their man/woman, willingly left them or had sex with someone else. Instead they prefer to think that their partner was stolen from them. It is very naive to think that someone can be stolen. Perhaps a better term is enticed. Why try to act like like a person can be stolen? They leave you. They are not stolen. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Whoknew30 Posted September 23, 2017 Share Posted September 23, 2017 (edited) I don't think you can per se "steal" anyone, but what you can do is be really manipulative. This is true for both ow/om and ws. Of course, not all of them are this way, but there are some people out there who just know how to push other people's buttons and really keep them off centre. That doesn't excuse their behavior, but it might explain how some can get caught up in an affair before they even really realize it. I think "stole" means the SO actually left the BS for the AP...which is different than being "caught up in an A". So even if manipulated, still their choice to walk out, they weren't stolen, they left on their 100% own free will to be with what they "thought" is what they wanted. Edited September 23, 2017 by Whoknew30 Spelling 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Whoknew30 Posted September 23, 2017 Share Posted September 23, 2017 I'll add this too...intention should apply to manipulation. So let's say a WS is manipulated into thinking a AP is something they're not & they leave their BS for them. Well wouldn't the intent be what counts? What's the difference if a WS leaves for a AP that was telling the truth or one that was lying? Either way the WS intention is leaving BS on their own free will. It's like the show "what would you do" it's purpose is to show people's intentions in a situation...the intentions are still very real even though the situation they are in is not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted September 23, 2017 Share Posted September 23, 2017 You are right that someone can't be stolen... unless they want to let themselves be taken. But let's be honest, there are literally tons of women and men out there that can be tempted. The list of the reasons are huge, but believe me they are there. Frankly, I have been temped to do that before, but even I can't go that low. Not like it is really hard if you know what to look for. But, that would be about the lowest thing ever. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted September 24, 2017 Share Posted September 24, 2017 And if they do want to be, and the only reason they haven't is because no one has "offered" - do you really want to be with that person? Exactly! Anyone who wants to “steal” my H is welcome to try. If he wants to go, that’s his choice. I wouldn’t blame someone for trying, nor for succeeding. If he doesn’t want to be with me, he’s welcome to leave at any point. And if he is vulnerable to being “stolen”, why would I want him here? I don’t want someone who is only with me because they have no options. If he’s not choosing to be with me, out of a range of possibilities, why would I want him to be with me? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 It's not meant literally, but there are some women who thrive on going after men in relationships. It's not a difficult concept to understand. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
wmacbride Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 It's not meant literally, but there are some women who thrive on going after men in relationships. It's not a difficult concept to understand. My husband's ex-ow was like that. She went through I don't know how many married guys, and for the life of me, I can't figure out why she would do that. She was attractive, seemed to have a friendly personality and could probably have had her pick of guys. It wasn't like she was happy being " the side chick" , as she did seem to be looking for someone to settle down with. I just don't understand that. She could have easily found a great guy to settle down with, which is what she told me she wanted ( this was before the A started) . I just don't see how choosing married guys as being the way to make that happen. If it had been a situation where she just liked a no strings attached relationship, I might not like it, but at least I could understand it. The other makes no sense to me at all. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted September 28, 2017 Share Posted September 28, 2017 Hi Folks, reminds of the C&W song 'Tennessee Waltz'. Coco, the question at the end of your post is a million dollar one. I guess the answer to that would be worth a billion dollars! Warm regards. Link to post Share on other sites
knabe Posted September 28, 2017 Share Posted September 28, 2017 No one can steal your man unless he is willing to go. However, a woman who has no qualms about being with a man who is already committed elsewhere has a character problem. Period. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted September 30, 2017 Share Posted September 30, 2017 l've struggled with this for 5yrs because my ex w met someone else just before we split , and she married the guy 4yrs later. Mind you , l don't like their chances e's married 3times now and they were all this on off stuff for a few yrs too. Nother story. Can you even steal someone that doesn't wanna be stolen ? Our marriage was having a lot of problems and l was even thinking of leaving myself , she thought l was gonna . But even so , did he steal her , or how does it work ? Gonna read through anyway , see peoples thoughts on this stuff because l still struggle with it and wonder if l should've hunted him down like a dog at the time, or not ! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts