Should I be concerned about partners behavior

[Cupcake353]

The issue is more between OP and her bf.

 

OP, from what you've written, he seems quite smitten with Michelle.

Especially with that "she's the female version of me" comment.

That is often what people want in a partner.

 

That said, if it wasn't Michelle, he'd likely do this with another girl.

In my experience, the flirty guys have always been the one's who cheat.

 

yeah i don't think she is anything special. She isn't even good looking or anything. She is also in her late 30s. He has always flirted with everything that moves - waitresses, old and (especially) young women. I can cope with that but I can't cope with messages going on behind my back.

 

We ended up going out in the end. Those two stayed away from each other, although he did keep pointing out women that he found attractive to her and her partner, which was humiliating for me.

 

I have since had a talk with him and he insists that he was only bantering with her; he loves me and he wants to spend his life with me. I am in two minds whether to just let this one drop and try and put some distance between us and this couple for a while.

[elaine567]

yeah i don't think she is anything special. She isn't even good looking or anything. She is also in her late 30s. He has always flirted with everything that moves - waitresses, old and (especially) young women. I can cope with that but I can't cope with messages going on behind my back.

 

We ended up going out in the end. Those two stayed away from each other, although he did keep pointing out women that he found attractive to her and her partner, which was humiliating for me.

 

I have since had a talk with him and he insists that he was only bantering with her; he loves me and he wants to spend his life with me. I am in two minds whether to just let this one drop and try and put some distance between us and this couple for a while.

 

OK, so now he is disrespecting you and humiliating you even more by pointing out the "hotties".

I do not care what her SAYS about wanting to spend his life with you, look at his actions instead.

He tried to set up a date with your friend's gf and now he is lusting after every woman around, humiliating you in front of your long time friend Danny and his gf...

...and your solution is to let it drop... smh

Wake up and smell the coffee.

[smackie9]

The issue is more between OP and her bf.

 

OP, from what you've written, he seems quite smitten with Michelle.

Especially with that "she's the female version of me" comment.

That is often what people want in a partner.

 

That said, if it wasn't Michelle, he'd likely do this with another girl.

In my experience, the flirty guys have always been the one's who cheat.

OP doesn't want to go forward with this with her BF ....yet. So I made a suggestion to try first and see if that stuffs things out. And also to get Michelle's perspective on this. See if he has made any advances on her, or if anything he has said makes her uncomfortable, etc. You know woman to woman.

 

I never said Michelle was the issue ever. I know she isn't the issue.

 

We don't know if he is a serial fishing /cheater. This could very well be an isolated event.

 

lets try and help the OP, not give her more anxiety based on assumption.

Edited September 26, 2017 by smackie9

[olivetree]

He has always flirted with everything that moves - waitresses, old and (especially) young women.

 

:sick:

 

Those two stayed away from each other, although he did keep pointing out women that he found attractive to her and her partner, which was humiliating for me.

 

It's actually concerning that they stayed away from each other.

They knew their exchange was wrong.

 

It's humiliating when he points out the attractive women but not when he is actively flirting with them?

 

I have since had a talk with him and he insists that he was only bantering with her; he loves me and he wants to spend his life with me.

 

Talk is cheap.

 

I am in two minds whether to just let this one drop and try and put some distance between us and this couple for a while.

 

The other couple is not really the problem.

 

I know you're not the jealous type, but dating a man that only flirts with you is soooooo much better.

[Space Ritual]

yeah i don't think she is anything special. She isn't even good looking or anything. She is also in her late 30s

 

Sadly, if you are around here long enough, you'll not only discover that in most cases, people affair down, but that also looks don't mean a whole lot when it comes to cheating. Basically people are searching for ego kibbles of some sort, so as long as they get that, they could flirt with a bridge troll if the Bridge Troll had an iota of game.

 

 

 

So please do not feel like you have to compare yourself to this other girl. It's all ears for some.

 

Anyone can talk somebody's pants off if they put their mind to it, and if the conditions exists to successfully do so. regardless of who it is.

 

I implore you to not see this chick as the threat. Your BF is the only true threat to your sanity. Get rid of him or you'll regret it.

[elaine567]

OP doesn't want to go forward with this with her BF ....yet. So I made a suggestion to try first and see if that stuffs things out. And also to get Michelle's perspective on this. See if he has made any advances on her, or if anything he has said makes her uncomfortable, etc. You know woman to woman.

 

OK but why is Michelle sending a unzipping banana striptease animation to the OP's bf?

That was not an "innocent" fun pic, that has heavy sexual connotations...

I guess she is not going to get much "truth" out of Michelle, woman to woman.

[Miss Peach]

I have done some stuff like the OP's BF and this OW. I make raunchy jokes. One guy I text with sends me provocative pics of women. Etc.

 

The difference is I don't hide any of this from BF. If BF told me he was uncomfortable with any of it I would either stop or access whether we are compatible depending on what it was.

 

I have also set this expectation with BF. As soon as things become hidden, I think there's more to them than there might need to be. If it feels so wrong you have to hide it, it probably is crossing the line - at least that's what I feel.

 

I think part of the issue is that it seems like things are going into hiding. It also seems like that is not something the OP thinks is appropriate or enjoys. That plus a flirtatious personality and I could see why it would bother the OP.

 

I don't think it's necessarily things like a banana pic that are the issue, it's that it's feeling like they are hiding these interactions from the SOs. If it were all out in the open between the four of them it might not feel quite as much as if the BF's testing the water for an affair.

 

I still am not sure how the BF flirts in general, but IME these are the types of messages I get from men testing the waters - especially married men. That would make me uncomfortable and I would be watching to see what the BF did next. If things went into hiding more, if they cooled down, etc.

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, have you ever flirted with Michelle's boyfriend?

 

I'll explain why I am asking after you respond to that.

[Cupcake353]

OP, have you ever flirted with Michelle's boyfriend?

 

I'll explain why I am asking after you respond to that.

 

Yes I admit that I have. But she was jealous and he came across very closed, not as friendly whenever she was around. It was like he daren't be too friendly with me when Michelle was around for fear of upsetting her.

[smackie9]

OK so you have 3 choices...talk to your BF about it, talk to her about it, or do nothing.

[knabe]

Yes I admit that I have. But she was jealous and he came across very closed, not as friendly whenever she was around. It was like he daren't be too friendly with me when Michelle was around for fear of upsetting her.

 

This is basically a setup to blame YOU for your boyfriend's behavior. Don't take the bait.

[Cupcake353]

Well they haven't spoken to each other in over a week. Sam doesn't even seem interested in inviting them anywhere. so looks as though it was all a storm in a teacup.