Last night I got into a big argument with my wife

[millerband86]

Sounds like she might be in depression. Has she talked to a health professional about this?

 

She hasn't but I think it's probably the next step.

 

I read somewhere a while ago (before i had met her) how when within a marriage someone even mentions the word divorce as a possibility it's like a cancer that eats away.

 

And that's how i'm feeling now. I'm trying to just move past it, i felt good last night but it's sticking with me and I feel like i'll be combating that from now on.

 

As in i'm up against the "threat" of it in a sense and held hostage by it.

 

Maybe because she said she wanted to have a talk last night but she got "frustrated" I was at my parents for too long (2.5 hours and i even asked while there when did you expect me home, to which she said she didn't know) for my dads b-day and when i told her i was leaving she left to go to her parents and didn't come home until about an hour after I did.

 

And when i said ok lets talk she refused, saying she was annoyed because I messed up the night because I got home late (????)

 

Buuuuut then this morning she's all nice again...

 

Think i'm being too nice here, can't let her dictate the marriage by holding the "not yet" over my head.

Edited September 24, 2017 by millerband86

[Blanco]

You have every right to be feeling on edge. Someone who is actually committed to the marriage wouldn't leave any doubt when pressed with the possibility of divorce. "Not yet" has overtones of "It's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when."

 

It almost sounds like she's taken the belief that her discontent is mostly or entirely related to you, and that a divorce would magically fix that.

 

What was her professional life like prior to the health issues? You mention she works part-time; was she full-time before? What sort of career track was she on before the health issues?

[Els]

She hasn't but I think it's probably the next step.

 

Should make that a priority IMO. I'm not defending what she's doing, she's clearly wrong, but it sounds like classic symptoms of depression to me. There are really only two options for you - either leave, or support her getting help with her mental illness. We could all rag on her all we want and tell you she's being unreasonable, but at the end of the day that solves nothing (unless you have already made up your mind to leave, which is a valid choice).

 

If she absolutely refuses to get professional help, I'd lean towards leaving.

[avvril3000]

6 dogs?!? Wth...

[Ahurtgirl]

Marriage is a very important commitment. Depending how you married, the vows you took were stated to include in good times and in BAD. You are both struggling right now and if you can ride it out, it will get better in time. Talk to her about how you can both work on ways to make each other's life better. Life is so short and especially for someone who lives with a chronic illness, the simply daily life tasks for her can be like having to move mountains. Some days, her just getting out of bed might be the best she can offer but she pushes herself to do it for you. It sounds like she loves you very much, it's just that life for her is really hard due to her health.