Dealing with menopausal wife

[Sadhubby3766]

Married to my high school sweetheart now for 30 yrs...I'm 51, she 48....wonderful marriage, family life etc...until the "change" started with her March 2016...Her libido is practically gone, very little desire to have sex, but when we do, it's great for both of us...the last 8-9 months we may have had sex 4-5 times...but it's almost one sided...I can't enjoy it if I know she's not into it....I have no desire to cheat or leave...she is my soulmate...just need advise on how we can regain some attraction/ libido...I'm sure antidepressants she is on have a lot to do with it as well as hormones

[stillafool]

Strap yourself in for another 5 years. It's hard to feel sexual when you are all sweaty and the thought of someone else's hot body on top of yours is overwhelming. The good news is when it's over sex will be great again.

[angel.eyes]

Why is she on antidepressants? What hormones and why?

[preraph]

She can see about hormone replacement therapy. I wouldn't say the antidepressants are doing it --- I'd say the depression is doing it. Not the medicine. I don't know if you can suggest hormone therapy or not. I assume she knows it exists already.

[basil67]

HRT has made me feel human again, but sadly has not fixed my sex drive. I tried testosterone supplements but that didn't work either.

 

If the OP finds an answer, I'd love to know what it is.

[SolG]

I'm of an age with your W and recently started experiencing symptoms of perimenopause. I've made a number of lifestyle tweaks based on my gyn's advice.

 

I've upped the proportion of HIIT in my workout regime, my diet is now predominantly plant based, and I've decreased caffeine to very occasionally. It's working wonders. I feel great and my libido is still high.

 

Now as I said this has only been a matter of tweaking for me because I've always exercised regularly and eaten meat rarely. So it may be more difficult to institute these things from scratch. But there's lots of research out there to indicate the value of diet and exercise in not only managing the symptoms, but also slowing/easing the trajectory of menopause. And incidently, the same is true of depression.

 

Good luck OP.

[Sadhubby3766]

AD are for the mood swings and crying...dr.prescribed...not sure they work very well...we have tried acupuncture herbal supplements, diet change exercise....etc...HRT is our next route I guess, but it's tough financially with no health insurance...

[Southwardbound]

Married to my high school sweetheart now for 30 yrs...I'm 51, she 48....wonderful marriage, family life etc...until the "change" started with her March 2016...Her libido is practically gone, very little desire to have sex, but when we do, it's great for both of us...the last 8-9 months we may have had sex 4-5 times...but it's almost one sided...I can't enjoy it if I know she's not into it....I have no desire to cheat or leave...she is my soulmate...just need advise on how we can regain some attraction/ libido...I'm sure antidepressants she is on have a lot to do with it as well as hormones

 

Tell her to try Vit E - works great for this issue.

[Gaeta]

She needs to speak with her doctor and figure out if her anti-depressant and hormones are creating all those side effects.

 

Anti-depressant are known for killing libido.

 

I am turning 52 in 2 weeks. I still have my montly without fail but I have startd to feel a drop in my sex-drive. I have noticed that if I wait to feel in the mood I'll wait forever, I need to get going cold for the libido to kick-in so I make a point.

 

All women are different and go through the change differently. If you look at her mother and how was her transition it will give your wife a good indication of what is ahead. My mother had an easy breezy change so I expect the same.

[No_Go]

That's interesting information that mothers & daughters experience menopause similarly. I guess I should have guessed since I've experienced puberty similarly to mom & sister.

 

Menopause terrifies me to no end (and I'm not even 33 yet LOL - overplanning for the future maybe) - because I'm banned to use estrogens so I'd need to handle it 'naturally' :/ but mom's was at 54 with pretty much no side effects so... maybe I'd luck out.

 

OP: if your wife can go on hormone-replacement therapy and switch/adjust dose of antidepressants - things should get back in track fairly quickly...

 

She needs to speak with her doctor and figure out if her anti-depressant and hormones are creating all those side effects.

 

Anti-depressant are known for killing libido.

 

I am turning 52 in 2 weeks. I still have my montly without fail but I have startd to feel a drop in my sex-drive. I have noticed that if I wait to feel in the mood I'll wait forever, I need to get going cold for the libido to kick-in so I make a point.

 

All women are different and go through the change differently. If you look at her mother and how was her transition it will give your wife a good indication of what is ahead. My mother had an easy breezy change so I expect the same.

[Gaeta]

That's interesting information that mothers & daughters experience menopause similarly. I guess I should have guessed since I've experienced puberty similarly to mom & sister.

 

Menopause terrifies me to no end (and I'm not even 33 yet LOL - overplanning for the future maybe) - because I'm banned to use estrogens so I'd need to handle it 'naturally' :/ but mom's was at 54 with pretty much no side effects so... maybe I'd luck out.

 

OP: if your wife can go on hormone-replacement therapy and switch/adjust dose of antidepressants - things should get back in track fairly quickly...

 

 

I will let you know how the next couple of years will unfold as I am not allowed to any hormones as well lol.

 

Even if I was allowed to hormonal therapy I would do everything to avoid it. There are so many studies nowadays detailing how dangerous it is.

[spiderowl]

I would wager it is the antidepressants rather than the menopause. They not only reduce libido but reduce sensation too so even if the libido is there, sex is not so exciting. Drug companies mention 'sexual dysfunction' in the side-effects but really they ought to be more upfront about this. It is ok for a few weeks or even a few months, but anyone who needs treatment for longer - or for life - suffers a great loss. Antidepressants can be lifesavers but people suffering depression should be treated with respect and honesty and given the truth about these drugs. This is one thing I have found that doctors seem unaware of or do not care about. They do not warn patients. I suppose they feel relieving depression is more important. I have had many different types of antidepressant and speak from experience. All of them have had this side-effect and some more than others. The effects are not permanent but one has to stop taking the meds to recover normal sexual function.

 

Maybe your wife would be interested in trying a talking therapy or counselling instead? However, if she needs the chemical treatment, talking therapy may not be so effective.

Edited September 28, 2017 by spiderowl

[eye of the storm]

My vote is the anti-depressants too. I just recently got put on very low dose Paxil for my hot flashes. (it has helped but not eradicated them) and the doc told me while we were still discussing options that it will lower my sex drive. He didn't say might. Fortunately, Im not dating anyone right now so I didn't care. The hot flashes were killing me.

 

 

When I'm home I eat a mainly plant based diet with tofu at least once a week and red meat once a week. I hit the gym regularly. My hot flashes are a lot less and my sex drive is thru the roof. Hopefully when I get home I can get off the Paxil.

 

 

I know mood swings can affect a lot of women going thru this but being proactive and taking control of her diet and exercise may help with a lot of her issues. Also, she needs to find ways to center herself, there is a bench under some trees near my house, and I go to just sit and listen to the trees, I watch my dog attack leaves that dared to float, and when I get up 10-30 minutes later I am more ready to be present and enjoy life.

 

 

Also, some women when they go thru menopause become upset either by the end of their reproductive years, or start thinking of the things not accomplished in their lives, or become worried about their future (retirement or feeling unattractive).

 

 

I will tell you that when I started having hot flashes in the office, all the guys Im working with (this is a new group and I never worked with any of them prior to this) they were making fun and jokes about it. After a month of watching me try to keep working and dealing with them and seeing how little sleep I am getting because of the constant rolling hot flashes. They still joke but they have changed from mean ones to actually funny ones. In fact they do what they can to help, they found a couple of fans for my work area and my sleep area.

 

 

Your wife is dealing with a lot. She is probably not getting a lot of sleep either with makes EVERYTHING worse. Try to do more to help her around the house.

 

 

Try talking to your wife. Be positive about your future. Maybe that will help.

[taiko]

Married to my high school sweetheart now for 30 yrs...I'm 51, she 48....wonderful marriage, family life etc...until the "change" started with her March 2016...Her libido is practically gone, very little desire to have sex, but when we do, it's great for both of us...the last 8-9 months we may have had sex 4-5 times...but it's almost one sided...I can't enjoy it if I know she's not into it....I have no desire to cheat or leave...she is my soulmate...just need advise on how we can regain some attraction/ libido...I'm sure antidepressants she is on have a lot to do with it as well as hormones

 

Well if she remains willing to help you out on a regular schedule about all you can do is accept that lower level of pleasure during those times. How to deal with feeling like a rapist those times every other month for you, well consider the alternative is cheating with prostitutes or another woman willing to push aside the older woman unable to reproduce anymore in a Darwinian natural selection mode.

[preraph]

HRT has made me feel human again, but sadly has not fixed my sex drive. I tried testosterone supplements but that didn't work either.

 

If the OP finds an answer, I'd love to know what it is.

 

You might need a hormone panel and an adjustment IF you want it back. I've been on HRT since I was 21. It certainly helps, but I will say that the main thing that will get my sex drive going is if I'm interested in someone. Hormones help, but only wanting someone really increases my sex drive. Without that emotional desire, it's just an occasional bodily need.

[ItNeverChanges]

Married to my high school sweetheart now for 30 yrs...I'm 51, she 48....wonderful marriage, family life etc...until the "change" started with her March 2016...Her libido is practically gone, very little desire to have sex, but when we do, it's great for both of us...the last 8-9 months we may have had sex 4-5 times...but it's almost one sided...I can't enjoy it if I know she's not into it....I have no desire to cheat or leave...she is my soulmate...just need advise on how we can regain some attraction/ libido...I'm sure antidepressants she is on have a lot to do with it as well as hormones

 

I would advise both of you to learn Qigong, and then practice it religiously. If you're already doing so, then I have no other advice to offer.

 

I practice the 5-exercise/meditation Qigong form as taught, for free, by the group know as Falun Dafa, also known as Falun Gong. If you are in the U.S., go to this link and see if there are Falun Dafa people near you--

 

Falun Dafa U.S.A.

 

Now, Falun Dafa people will tell you that, ''We are not involved in politics.'' Weeeeeeeell, I think that any group that appears to desire the fall of the Communisty Party of China, just MIGHT be considered a bit....political.

 

Oh, as individuals, in the Dafa groups that will teach you for free, they don't deal politics, and thats cool. But Im just letting you know that they have private associations, amongst themselves, such as New Tang Dynasty, that are HEAVILY involved with anti-CPC activities. It took me one month, after I first started their Qigong system, to discover the breadth of their other activity.

 

Their Qigong system, as revealed by Li Hongzhi, is DEEP. In 1992 he was voted, by a Chinese Qigong society in China, as a ''master'' Qigong teacher. The next year, in 1993, he was voted as a ''grand master,'' even though other Qigong teachers hated him because he was cutting into their dough by teaching his Qigong system for free.

 

Within a short period of time after he launched his system, 100,000,000 Chinese were up, every morning, performing his Qigong system.

 

The energy it gives you is just absolutely amazing. If I do it regularly, then I have to stay at home [in order to avoid the YOUNG WOMEN who, these days, appear to be as...ahem...HUNGRY, shall we say, as I've ever seen in my 67 years on this planet. WHOA!!

 

Of course, I cannot, and would not, give any guarantees. Certain realities [called LIFE] can't be overcome. But, if I'm doing my Qigong regularly, I can get a few extra days of libidinous [is that a word] ACTION with my wife, who also practices Qigong, but is also kind of....well, you know, not-to-the same as she used to be.

 

Try it.

 

Now, if there is no one in your area, then teach yourself the system by viewing and studying this video.

 

You might find that Yoga will help. It definitely helped me for many years, but I switched to Qigong in October of 2015.

[ItNeverChanges]

And by the way, do not feel that you have to do any exercise perfectly. Our bodies are generous to us. Do the best that you can, and you will still see a big difference.