Am I over reacting?

[love.sick.101]

I know I am wrong for snooping so please no lectures on snooping but my bf just got IG recently and we both have each other's password. The last two times that I have been on his Instagram I've noticed that he is searching women. One woman has been searched more than once by him and it shows that he has mutual friends with these people but he hasn't requested to follow. I don't understand why he is searching them up. It's making me feel extremely insecure. We have had a huge fight over this with him saying there is something wrong with me and that he saw those girls under suggested and just clicked on their names. But I know that's not how Instagram works , you have to type in the name for it to show under your searches and he searched one girl more than once. Again please don't lecture me about snooping , I know I'm wrong but it's already done with. I just don't know if I should be worried?

[FilterCoffee]

Are you overreacting? It's hard to say because based on what you've shared, there's very little that can be deduced? Has he been talking about this girl or has he ever had feelings for her?

[love.sick.101]

He has never spoken of her and he said that they are family friends , have known each other for a while so he may have had a crush on her in the past ...im not too sure

[FilterCoffee]

Hmmm. It's really hard to say what's going on with him! When I look up a girl on Facebook (I'm not on insta), it's either because I'm curious to know what an old friend is up to, or it's to check someone out. Has he done, anything else off late to suggest he's interested in other girls?

[love.sick.101]

Well when he first got IG he told me he blocked some exes because they had a bad breakup and he did not want them knowing anything about him so he blocked them. However , when he gave me his password he told me not to unblock his exes but then he got paranoid that I was going to search them up and so he removed them from.his blocked list so that I couldn't see who he blocked. And TBH I wasn't even thinking of his exes until then

[FilterCoffee]

Well if he's comfortable giving you his password, then I suppose he has nothing to hide. He's probably just looking up an acquaintance he hadn't heard about for a while. I think you should just give him the benefit of the doubt and not bring up this kind of stuff again; it's only going to piss him off and it'll make him lose trust in you.

[Aveenolover]

Honestly, I don't think you should be concerned. Even when I'm in a relationship, I'll search people all the time, guys included. Some, yeah I may find attractive. But does it matter? No not really. I would never act on anything, its just fun to look sometimes.

 

I never ask my boyfriends for their pws to things and I never give them pw to my stuff. It would probably drive me crazy if i looked up constantly what my boyfriends and searching for and doesnt really add anything valuable to the relationship.

 

Have you not searched for any other guys on social media just because of plain ol' curiosity?

[Cookiesandough]

I think you should be. Snooping is a violation of trust and breach of boundaries. I would be mad. After you have sincerely apologized, give some space. You have to get ahold of your insecurities if you intend to have a healthy relationship. It will be ok

Edited September 24, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[smackie9]

So what if he is searching up some girls....he's not talking to them nor is he having an affair with them, so what's the big deal? So he has no freedom to innocently look up a name?

 

Seriously no one should be looking at anyone's phone here. I'm a believer if you can't trust someone, and you need their pw so you can go through their stuff, you shouldn't be in a relationship. Everyone deserves to have some privacy.

 

BTW people have crushes but never act on them, and that's OK. It's a little slice of reality for ya.

[Space Ritual]

We have had a huge fight over this with him saying there is something wrong with me

 

Of course there is something wrong with you!

 

You are the turd in your boyfriend's Instagram Punchbowl.

 

How on Earth can he expect to conduct any nefarious activity when you are poking around and ruining his fun? I mean come on now!

 

LoveSick, I am jesting with you of course, but there is a bit of truth to what I just wrote...on his part anyway.

 

You snooped because your gut told you something. It could be minor or major, but your gut told you something. Never feel like you need to apologize to anyone for a gut instinct.

 

 

IMHO your boyfriend is falling into the same trap many young men fall into online with social media. And that is he thinks all that social media crap is actually real, and that the girl at the other end of the screen may eventually be interested in him, and him alone. People make fools of themselves online every day. Your boyfriend is no exception.

 

I suggest you date somebody that isn't all wrapped up in social media and actually likes the thought of having a partner they can touch, taste, and smell.

 

And no...you did nothing wrong. Because those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.

[usa1ah]

Love sick ask yourself this.

 

Do you trust him?

 

If yes then watch what goes on. If he changes towards you then go from there.

 

If no, break up and find someone new. There are plenty of guys that would be faithful to the girl they love.

 

Just so you know. When I dated I stopped talking one on one to my female friends away from school and work. That time I spent with my gf/wife. Yes we would hang with friends and stuff but my attention was on gf.

 

My son's do the same when they date now as well.