This article totally nailed it: Why are good men so hard to find?

[Springsummer]

You could move to San Francisco or Columbus, Ohio and have a much easier time finding a college grad. .

 

Yes, I really want to move to San Francisco. It's not easy for a Canadian to get a US job offer though, plus, one needs to make a lot more money in that city to have a comparable living standard.

 

I should have made that move lot time ago though. now it seems kind of late.

Edited September 27, 2017 by Springsummer

[thefooloftheyear]

Anyway, anyone who's been on Loveshack and read a lot of it will see that people are mostly NOT successful with dating apps and are just frustrated, men and women. It all goes back to the most physically attractive or social people, no matter what decade, are who have the most choices.

 

But now, we could talk about porn and how that's enough to keep a lot of guys who are reluctant to interact going for, apparently, decades. But that's not really the pool women are wanting to swim in anyway, so....

 

 

No disrespect to any member here, but disagree on the bolded...The guys I know who are having a party with hookup and dating apps aint coming here to gloat about it....that's for sure...

 

I mean think of it this way...Guy I have known from HS...Slightly overweight biker type, tatted up, not conventionally attractive at all. broke, (doesn't even own a car)......and still acts like its senior year of HS..he's in early 50's and he did a stint for a few years that was incredible...Women from late 20's to late 50's....Not all of them were prizes, but a guy like him wouldn't get laid in a whorehouse on dollar night "back in the old days" ...I know ...I was hanging with him back then...

 

So, yeah...its not all lemons folks..Maybe he's got a good line of BS, but he was still getting it done...He's with the "love of his life" now......That he met on Tinder....

 

TFY

[Springsummer]

This will depend on the guy a bit. I think that for the most part, a man will care about a woman who makes his life better.

 

I have a couple dogs and my GF is an animal lover. If I work a long shift one night, she will often go over to my place and let my puppies outside so they can do their business. We go to the grocery store together and she will push the cart knowing I don't like to do it. Little things like that. A good woman will improve the life of any guy she gets with. Oh, and since she doesn't bang every other dude in the world, we don't have any of those awkward excursions where she is approached by numerous different guys she used to hook up with. Douchebag dudes love saying hi to girls they used to bang when they are with their BF's.

 

Good to know.

[Chilli]

No doubt about that. but the hard part is it's harder for a man to care for a woman nowadays.

 

the question is: what makes a man care about a woman? not with internet and easy access to sex and a woman trying to be a man? I suppose?

 

l answered that one a few pages back.

 

But anyway l don't really agree it's easier for guys these days, those date sites are a nightmare and the standard of women ont hem , in my area anyway is shocking, when you meet them they look nothing like someone your interested in in RL.

Might be better other areas , dunno , l use to do a 3 or 4 hour radios though which included good cities, still terrible.

It use to be all you needed was a party scene and you could have as many gorgeous girls as you liked.

Much harder now l reckon , no body even seems to party anymore.

Think they're all home staring at date sites.

Edited September 28, 2017 by Chilli

[Chilli]

Actually don't think l did answer it not in that way anyway. But l have other times through the forum and get jumped all every time.

Then a few wks later l see even people that jumped on me saying what l said somewhere else,, go figure.

[CptInsano]

This will depend on the guy a bit. I think that for the most part, a man will care about a woman who makes his life better.

 

I would agree on that one. It always came down to the question of how it felt when I was with her and how it impacted me, rather than very specific criteria that would apply to her.

[road]

l answered that one a few pages back.

 

But anyway l don't really agree it's easier for guys these days, those date sites are a nightmare and the standard of women ont hem , in my area anyway is shocking, when you meet them they look nothing like someone your interested in in RL.

Might be better other areas , dunno , l use to do a 3 or 4 hour radios though which included good cities, still terrible.

It use to be all you needed was a party scene and you could have as many gorgeous girls as you liked.

Much harder now l reckon , no body even seems to party anymore.

Think they're all home staring at date sites.

 

Because as one ages responsibilities catches up with

one's life and the time to party is greatly limited.

[itsanything]

Not to be an ass but there are plenty of us good men out there. Women tend to overlook us until they realize their fantasy partner doesn't exist. Can't tell you how many times I've been into women who go for the "bad" guy type of person only to realize that it was a mistake. By that point the bridge is burned. It annoys me when this happens and then they try to make amends or talk about how they were wrong etc. Happens all the time.

[knabe]

Not to be an ass but there are plenty of us good men out there. Women tend to overlook us until they realize their fantasy partner doesn't exist. Can't tell you how many times I've been into women who go for the "bad" guy type of person only to realize that it was a mistake. By that point the bridge is burned. It annoys me when this happens and then they try to make amends or talk about how they were wrong etc. Happens all the time.

 

Depends on who "us" is. Is "us" the genuinely good man who respects a woman? Or is "us" the so called "nice guy" who gets mean and bitter when he doesn't get the "lay" he feels entitled to? I would posit it is more of the latter than the former.

[Els]

There are universally agreed upon characteristics of a good man.

 

Are these good men easy to find nowadays?

 

It's HARD! why? why would a man work hard and cherish a woman, who used to easily jump to the beds of other men? he is not her one and only.

 

cheap sex makes a man hard to be family oriented.

 

This logic is strange. If that were indeed the case, surely being sexually chaste would therefore guarantee you a good man, so why the concern about difficulty?

[Els]

No doubt about that. but the hard part is it's harder for a man to care for a woman nowadays.

 

the question is: what makes a man care about a woman? not with internet and easy access to sex and a woman trying to be a man? I suppose?

 

Men fall in love just like women do. I'm not sure why you are so convinced that everything all men do is 100% motivated by sex. Any woman who has been in a LTR with a good man knows that while sex can definitely be part of it, it's rarely everything.

[CptInsano]

Men fall in love just like women do. I'm not sure why you are so convinced that everything all men do is 100% motivated by sex. Any woman who has been in a LTR with a good man knows that while sex can definitely be part of it, it's rarely everything.

 

And most men with LTR experience know that there is a lot of sex during the first few years of a relationship. So even if the man wants sex, and not maximize the number of women he slept with, an LTR would still be desirable, aside from the other benefits an LTR brings.

[AMarriedMan]

And most men with LTR experience know that there is a lot of sex during the first few years of a relationship. So even if the man wants sex, and not maximize the number of women he slept with, an LTR would still be desirable, aside from the other benefits an LTR brings.

 

The first few years of an LTR provide more sexual opportunities for less effort than any other situation by a wide margin.

[OneLov]

Men fall in love just like women do.

 

Exactly.

 

I can see how Mark Regnerus's (the author of the book that this opinion piece is adopting) argument may make sense in the abstract. However, I do not think you can reasonably apply a pure economic model to human relationships. If you embrace the marketplace theory of human relationships, you have to view it as an adversarial process-- the buyer is trying to get the item for the lowest price, and seller is attempting to sell it at the highest price.

 

So, as Elswyth and others have pointed out, why are men over paying for sex? Have you ever heard of anyone offering $30k for a production vehicle that has a sticker price of $25k? If relationships are like economical transactions, how can this theory explain why any man is getting married in 2017? The only answer I can think of is most men view marriage as something more than a steady supply of sex.

 

I think expensive divorce more so than cheap sex can be attributed to the decline in marriage rates. Another factor to consider is that, on average, men 25-35 years old, make 20% less than they did 40 years ago. This contributes to the feeling of a lack of stability that would discourage "settling down."

 

The most compelling argument that marriage cannot be explained by an economic marketplace model: If women married solely for access to resources years ago, why are they considering marriage if they are able to provide those resources for themselves today? The author of the article concedes that much, but why would they still marry? Clearly, one can concluded marriage is more to men and women than a quid pro quo for basic needs.

Edited September 28, 2017 by OneLov

[Springsummer]

This logic is strange. If that were indeed the case, surely being sexually chaste would therefore guarantee you a good man, so why the concern about difficulty?

 

Concern? I don't even see one. besides, do you go around telling people who you are?

 

I find your logic very strange too. no one say that's the only one criteria.

 

A+B=C, B is necessary to achieve C, but being B doesn't necessary guarantee you C.

 

One needs to be logical, analytical and discerning in discourse.

Edited September 28, 2017 by Springsummer

[Chilli]

This logic is strange. If that were indeed the case, surely being sexually chaste would therefore guarantee you a good man, so why the concern about difficulty?

 

Well nothing can guarantee anything because she's still gotta be lucky enough to bump into the right guy but he has her too , l mean that goes both ways , but if she does then hell yeah it helps.

[Cookiesandough]

This logic is strange. If that were indeed the case, surely being sexually chaste would therefore guarantee you a good man, so why the concern about difficulty?

 

**i don't agree with what OP is positing at all** but I believe they are saying fornication has created a paradigm shift where men no longer value chaste women. Their cup runneth over with milk from other cows so they don't need to buy that cow not giving hers away.

[Chilli]

l really don't get this sex idea about marriage.

Hell l couldn't get married before my 30s because of sex. How the hell was l gonna stay with just one women.

When l did get married it was oh well , looks like that's gonna be that , even though my w was gorgeous , it was still one of the hardest sacrifices about being married and l'm still amazed that somehow men manage it.

Edited September 28, 2017 by Chilli

[Woggle]

This article acts like men don't follow in love. People act like men only marry for easy sex and women only marry for money which is not true. Gender haters on both sides can only see relationships as transactional where a person only marries to benefit themselves instead of building a life with somebody they love. It's a sad way to view things.

[thefooloftheyear]

This article acts like men don't follow in love. People act like men only marry for easy sex and women only marry for money which is not true. Gender haters on both sides can only see relationships as transactional where a person only marries to benefit themselves instead of building a life with somebody they love. It's a sad way to view things.

 

 

Men fall in love with the sexiness of women.....

 

 

TFY

[Chilli]

This article acts like men don't follow in love. People act like men only marry for easy sex and women only marry for money which is not true. Gender haters on both sides can only see relationships as transactional where a person only marries to benefit themselves instead of building a life with somebody they love. It's a sad way to view things.

 

 

Exactly.

lt's very simple , when he falls in love like l did, all of a sudden you wanna marry her and do all those things. And you don't mind being loyal because you love her and wanna be with her.

Not me , any sexiness is only a small part of it.

Edited September 29, 2017 by Chilli

[thefooloftheyear]

Exactly.

lt's very simple , when he falls in love like l did, all of a sudden you wanna marry her and do all those things. And you don't mind being loyal because you love her and wanna be with her.

Not me , any sexiness is only a small part of it.

 

Cmon folks.....this is not that difficult,,,

 

If a woman's looks and sex appeal was only a "small part of it", then all the time, effort and expense women have to endure to look good would be a complete waste of time and hard earned money...And the mega multi billion dollar industry that supports it, would go belly up tomorrow..All women would have to do is throw some rags on their back, drag a brush through their hair, no make up, eat ice cream and pizza every day, and guys would flock to them all the same, because they are so awesome in every other aspect, right???..

 

I mean, sure...there are those guys that are perhaps needy and want a surrogate mother or something of that nature..I've seen that plenty...In that area, those guys probably don't give a rats behind what she looks like or what type of appeal she has...It wont matter as long as the co dependency remains intact..

 

Women that understand this aspect know how to keep a good man interested over the long haul......Its not that the other parts of a relationship(teamwork, compatibility, mutual interests and life goals, etc) aren't important...Of course they are...They are vital...

 

And I think this is the part of the article in the original post I can get on board with...Society has been trying over the last 40 years or so, to force guys to go wild over the "new" version of today's woman..But many men aren't feeling the love.And judging by the increasing failures of LTR and marriages, general complaints from men about their SO's, Id say there may well be something to this...

 

When I look around in my own life and observe the strong relationships and marriages that have withstood the test of time vs the failures, I see certain consistencies..Its as simple as that..

 

TFY

Edited September 29, 2017 by thefooloftheyear

[Sweetfish]

This article acts like men don't follow in love. People act like men only marry for easy sex and women only marry for money which is not true. Gender haters on both sides can only see relationships as transactional where a person only marries to benefit themselves instead of building a life with somebody they love. It's a sad way to view things.

 

Oh really... you let me know how many women "collectively" will decline marriage (a contract in its self) and we can further talk about transactions. A blanket of security is important to a woman and sexuality is important to a man. Take away both from either and the marriage will start to get rocky.

 

So here we go.. another piece written by a feminist. That men are some how the village idiots lumped together with Homer Simpson and Ray Romano and that a whole village is required to raise a man and women being painted across the board as simply strong needing no guide-dance and "R-T-F" and substantially a methodology that is backfiring so bad many feminist are not even associating them selves with feminism. I guess "Good" wife material happens naturally

 

 

Its so funny reading here that the men are sooo lazy and don't want careers.. to attract a decent women you have to work as if a career denotes the character of a husband or father... then the same feminist revert and say men have all the careers and all the jobs and etc and etc.

 

 

 

 

The strongest statement here is that people as a whole have become more selfish and entitled and never will find what they are looking for. Some one says keep your standards high... but you have no idea the stands that these women hold... so are you projecting? Who is to say these standards are realistic...?

[Chilli]

Small part as in yeah it can still be huge but there is so much more as well.

Been with girls mainly for their sexuality but if thats the main reason your with em though then it never lasts long.

[EthanSPK]

Oh really... you let me know how many women "collectively" will decline marriage (a contract in its self) and we can further talk about transactions. A blanket of security is important to a woman and sexuality is important to a man. Take away both from either and the marriage will start to get rocky.

 

Well, in my country marriage is not as importante as it is in, say, United States. There's a huge cultural component to that, since many women there were taught that being married should be one of their main goals in life. And that's starting to change since they're becoming more and more independent.

 

On top of that, we have laws that protect you even if you're not married to the person you live with. So it's becoming less and less necessary, and the ones who do it are doing it just because of the romantic idea that marriage has itself.