A Complicated Situation

[Chilli]

Got one idea. It's only been a few mths. Keep it to yourselves until12mths or so at least. You don't even know if it's gonna work out so why rock the apple cart or risk putting more on your kids , they will end up in the middle of your ex's rampage and hearing all about it which is too much.

l've seen it happen, just sad.

Give yourselves 12mths , if things are still solid ,the kids are older , ex is further along, maybe then do something.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Brain, after reading through your thread all I can say is you made your bed and now you've got to lie on it. None of the folks on here know your back story for what it really was. You have mentioned that your marriage was in the doldrums for quite a while before you split. What you have'nt told us is whether you made all out efforts to resolve whatever problems there were in the marriage. IC and MC come to mind. You have said that your ex wife probably still loves you. Did you love her or were you just looking for a way out of your marriage?

 

Something about your story makes me believe that the fault for the break up of your marriage lies squarely on your shoulders. You sound like an escapist and when shove comes to push, your relationship with your new lady will become a millstone round your neck and you will be looking for an escape from this relationship too. If you consider your self a man then tighten your belt, take the plunge and face whatever consequences come your way. Else stop whining and making excuses for your own faults and actions. Wish you the best.

[Chilli]

l was seeing my gf 18mths before l let it out to ex, l just thought it was best especially for my daughter yet we were talking marriage and all.

 

The fkr was we split up anyway a few mths after that.

Edited September 27, 2017 by Chilli

[JuneL]

You made a huge mistake by getting into an affair without sorting out your marriage first. But you are divorced now, and your romantic life is none of your ex-wife's business, as long as your relationship is not causing any harm to your kids. I think your wife can always hold you hostage emotionally, as long as you are afraid of her. I would sit her down and talk calmly to her, apologize for hurting her when you were still married, but explain clearly to her that your romantic life is your own business only. Try to encourage her to start dating other men, instead of wasting her life living in the past.

[Chilli]

The risk is that he knows her well so he's probably right and if her carry on effects him and he's kids , only a dad going through this knows what that's can do..

You need this stuff working as best you can , for your kids and for him but it only takes one angry parent to wreck their lives, seen it too often.

Edited September 27, 2017 by Chilli

[Popsicle]

If/when you had a bitter divorce, you have to learn how to deal with the ex spouse bad mouthing you to people. It part of the deal. Learn to not care what she says. She has no right to keep the kids from you, so get the courts involved if you have to. She will lose.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

You may want to consider the impact this could have on your kids. If your ex prevents you from seeing your kids over this; or causes difficulty in you seeing your kids- this is something that you may want to seriously consider before moving forward with your lady friend.

 

Agree. Legally I don't think the ex can do this, especially if the kids want to see him, but the ramifications on the kids is what is crucial. They are always #1 priority. Not you. Not your lady friend. Not your ex-wife.