How I got my ex back.

[donotmicrowave]

Hey guys,

 

First of all, this is my personal experience of how I got my ex back. Of course this will NOT work in every case, but let's face it, going about it this way is your best shot at getting back your ex.

 

To get back an ex after a bad break up (and actually keep them), you have to live knowing that they'll never return. Our lovely posters here keep saying "No contact is the way to go," and it really is.

 

NEVER do no contact to get an ex back. NEVER sit around and wait for them.

 

I started no contact to get back my life, after I'd left everything I had (my home, my job, my friends, my country) for this guy I loved. The first days, I cried, I hit pillows and I screamed "I don't want to, I don't want to, I can't". I begged for whatever to save me. It got to the point where I attempted suicide.

 

I wasn't in a good place mentally, at all. Hence the break up. I was struggling with an eating disorder, severe depression, I was playing games after I literally forced him to get distant and I was guilt-tripping him half of the time. I don't even know how he put up with me for so long.

 

Well, that break up saved me. I was at my lowest, and the only way I could go, was up. Thanks to no contact, I started loving myself again, I was healthy, I hit the gym and ran till I cried from my muscles burning and the heartache. I decided to get a crazy little poodle-puppy who turned out to help me with my panic attacks! In a matter of two months, I defeated a horrible mental illness I'd been battling with for over 6 years, thanks to meds, therapy and losing EVERYTHING. I have said this in another thread, but after losing everything, you really do get a whole new perspective. It doesn't matter whether my glass is half full or half empty, I'm so thankful for having the glass.

 

When you get your heart broken and when you feel so worthless and like this is it, you are so damn wrong. THIS is when you get to transform your life and show everyone (especially yourself) how strong you are. Take some time to cry and let it out. But dwelling about it for weeks and months, even years, I'm sorry, but you're wasting your life.

 

I'm a woman who's confident, I believe I'm very mature for my age (19 sweet years) and I'm so happy.

 

I got in contact with my ex quite some time ago ago. He didn't contact me saying "Hey I miss you I want to get back together with you", no.. Even though that happens to some, I don't believe in that in most cases. Especially after almost a year has passed.

 

Fast forward to today, we've gone out on amazing dates, we've taken multiple vacations together, and we're happy. He's soon going to America, after getting a contract in an American football league there, and I'm going with him. My own family has abandoned me, and I'm so happy to say that he is my family now (+ my pupper).

 

It took dedication, it took TIME, it took patience, it took so-so much. Everything didn't just "magically" work out, we were going really reaaalllyy slow with each other, as I had major trust issues, and he was worried about me giving up on him.

 

I am young, so I think it's normal that some people may think this is nothing. And it's okay. But the people here, giving advice to us and being so patient, do listen to them, if my story didn't come off as convincing.

 

Don't waste your life. Whether they come back or not, it doesn't matter. 7 billion people on this planet! Make your life happen.

[CeciliaCylara]

Congratulations! I was also pretty darn mature when I was 19 too. Ironically, I was more mature than my ex (28 when we got together).

 

No contact has healed be greatly, almost two weeks already. I think about him less and less each day and looking forward more to spending my time doing things that are for me. I found that the breakup was one of the best things to happen to me because I was able to find myself and learn to appreciate myself again.

 

Good luck to your future

[donotmicrowave]

Congratulations! I was also pretty darn mature when I was 19 too. Ironically, I was more mature than my ex (28 when we got together).

 

No contact has healed be greatly, almost two weeks already. I think about him less and less each day and looking forward more to spending my time doing things that are for me. I found that the breakup was one of the best things to happen to me because I was able to find myself and learn to appreciate myself again.

 

Good luck to your future

 

Hell yes!! Haha I'm so happy to hear you're doing well! There's nothing better than loving yourself.

 

I hope you will continue being happy and keep improving your life! You only deserve the best.

[Lphan301]

Hi there,

 

May I ask if you reach out to your ex or he did after a year?

 

I was the dumpee a month ago. Long story short, he felt out of love with me because I was battling PMDD (premenstrual disphoric disorder) that I wasn't aware of it. It's the extreme version of PMS-ing and it only happened 7-10 days before my period start. Once my period start, I feel normal again. During the 7-10 days phase I suffered depression, suicidal thoughts, emotional ups/down, angered, moodiness and etc... he had to deal with it every months for the last 6 months of our relationship. On top of that, we sold our house, had to figured out where to move, he and I both got job changed and his new job is 2 hours away. Anyhow, I finally went to get help for the moodswing, that's when I was diagnosed with PMDD and peri menopause. But at that point he told me he fell out of love with me. I begged, cried and plead and said there's meds to help me managed it. He was reluctant but said ok. 3 days later I took the meds was prescribed and went to the hospital. He did not stayed by my side for the 3 days I was in there. They found out I also have an underlying Heart conditions. Came home after 3 days and he dumped me on the same day. It hurt so much that I attempted suicide like you. It's been Nc for about a month now. He did text once to asked about my furnitures and he called once. But I didn't answer but later left a text wishing I was doing well.

 

I am working on myself now.. and there's time I missed him like crazy but sometime I wondered that it might be a blessing in a disguise how he left me at the most brutal time. Which makes me evaluate if I wanted to be with a person like this who couldn't handle stresses well. But unfortunately my heart wants what it wants. At this point I don't think he's coming back. Everyone think he have someone else that's why he can leave me that quick. A week before our break up he was telling me I was his world and here I am all alone now.

[CeciliaCylara]

Hi there,

 

May I ask if you reach out to your ex or he did after a year?

 

I was the dumpee a month ago. Long story short, he felt out of love with me because I was battling PMDD (premenstrual disphoric disorder) that I wasn't aware of it. It's the extreme version of PMS-ing and it only happened 7-10 days before my period start. Once my period start, I feel normal again. During the 7-10 days phase I suffered depression, suicidal thoughts, emotional ups/down, angered, moodiness and etc... he had to deal with it every months for the last 6 months of our relationship. On top of that, we sold our house, had to figured out where to move, he and I both got job changed and his new job is 2 hours away. Anyhow, I finally went to get help for the moodswing, that's when I was diagnosed with PMDD and peri menopause. But at that point he told me he fell out of love with me. I begged, cried and plead and said there's meds to help me managed it. He was reluctant but said ok. 3 days later I took the meds was prescribed and went to the hospital. He did not stayed by my side for the 3 days I was in there. They found out I also have an underlying Heart conditions. Came home after 3 days and he dumped me on the same day. It hurt so much that I attempted suicide like you. It's been Nc for about a month now. He did text once to asked about my furnitures and he called once. But I didn't answer but later left a text wishing I was doing well.

 

I am working on myself now.. and there's time I missed him like crazy but sometime I wondered that it might be a blessing in a disguise how he left me at the most brutal time. Which makes me evaluate if I wanted to be with a person like this who couldn't handle stresses well. But unfortunately my heart wants what it wants. At this point I don't think he's coming back. Everyone think he have someone else that's why he can leave me that quick. A week before our break up he was telling me I was his world and here I am all alone now.

 

Just wanted to say I really feel for you. My ex had depression and eventually I had to walk away due to his illness causing him to neglect me. He told me he still loved me at the time. Come to find out a few months later, he started seeing someone just a few weeks after I cut contact. I was devastated because the reason he wanted to break up in the first place was so he could fix himself, and apparently that's how he wanted to "fix" himself.

 

From my point of view from the person who was with someone with a mental illness, sometimes the damage done was too great and unsalvageable. I tried to reconcile with my ex after the breakup and he said he wanted to try too. However, I still carried a lot of anger toward him, even when he tried to win me back because he was the one who pushed me away in the first place. I walked away because I was not only fed up with his wishy-washyness, I needed the time and space away to take care of myself and let that past anger go. Once I took that time, the anger did go away and I contacted him again but then found out about the new gf. Definitely wasn't happy to hear that since I imagine someone doesn't just get over their depression in a matter of months. However, I've learned to let that go and keep living my life and go back to NC.

 

He probably needs that kind of space from you too because the pain from you lashing out at him before you got the meds are still fresh in his mind. In the meantime, the month you spent NC helped you realize you get a medical issue and you are able to start fresh by getting the proper treatment you didn't have before. You should do more of that. My breakup has also helped me realize my personal issues about codependency and why I excused much of my ex's behavior at my own detriment, so I started therapy to heal myself. The breakup really can be a blessing in disguise as once we hit bottom, there's nowhere to go but up.

 

My advice to you is to move on, for you. You still got a long journey in readjusting your life now that you're on new medications. You have to see how it'll affect you as the months go by. Both of you need to heal from this in your own ways and if you two were meant to be it will be. However, you experienced a lot of good from one guy. There are so many guys around who have good qualities too that you can experience with your fresh start. Learn from the past and be proud you're taking the right steps toward improving your life. My ex still chose to use another distraction to get away from his issues and slow his recovery. You are already way better as as a person by taking the mature route and take the time to improve yourself first. You'll earn respect that way and it's mundo attractive! You'll be okay

Edited September 24, 2017 by CeciliaCylara

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I don't understand why so many people on LS want their exes back. It seems to be at least half, if not more, of the posts here.

[Lphan301]

Ceciliacylara;

 

Thank you for your advice and feeback. Also thank you for sharing your story. I'm sorry to hear about your break up. Hugs sending your way.

 

I understand it must be challenging to deal with someone with a mental illness. Unlike mine, it only last 10 days out of the month. Beside, it look like all women will have to face peri menopause at some point of their life. So it's unavoidable.

 

After having suicidal thoughts, and remembering the mean things he said to me while I was begging, crying and pleading. It somehow made me became numb and cold. The anger that was inside of me cause this man of no compassion/empathy made NC easier for me. I've had bent over backward for this man and even though I wasn't perfect. I had dealt with a lot of insecurities issues on his end. His previous relationship that ended 4 yrs ago before he met me. He claimed she was bi polar and the 7 yrs they were together he was miserable. But she refused to get help. In my case, its hormone replacement I need. But he adamantly refused to believe I'm having hormonal imbalance and told all his family that he left me cause I was bipolar. When I have these flare up episode monthly, he was not a sensitive partner I would like him to be. He would accused me of being like his ex or I was crazy. After the breakup, I spent so much money on seeing 3 diff psychiatrists to evaluate me for a propered diagnosed. I wanted to fix me so bad that I was prepared to embraced whatever to come. But I was diagnosed with PMDD and peri menopause.

 

I go to see a therapist weekly to helped me coped. I'm working on myself to be a better me. Even though I missed him badly a part of me I feel relief. Because everyone when I'm close to getting my period. My symptoms has not been that bad because there's no one there to antagonize me or say insensitive things.

 

It sound to me you had accepted that he's not coming back also? How long has it been NC for you? Well, he can't hide his issues for long by covering it up with someone new. It's not going to last until he fixes himself.

[CeciliaCylara]

Ceciliacylara;

 

Thank you for your advice and feeback. Also thank you for sharing your story. I'm sorry to hear about your break up. Hugs sending your way.

 

I understand it must be challenging to deal with someone with a mental illness. Unlike mine, it only last 10 days out of the month. Beside, it look like all women will have to face peri menopause at some point of their life. So it's unavoidable.

 

After having suicidal thoughts, and remembering the mean things he said to me while I was begging, crying and pleading. It somehow made me became numb and cold. The anger that was inside of me cause this man of no compassion/empathy made NC easier for me. I've had bent over backward for this man and even though I wasn't perfect. I had dealt with a lot of insecurities issues on his end. His previous relationship that ended 4 yrs ago before he met me. He claimed she was bi polar and the 7 yrs they were together he was miserable. But she refused to get help. In my case, its hormone replacement I need. But he adamantly refused to believe I'm having hormonal imbalance and told all his family that he left me cause I was bipolar. When I have these flare up episode monthly, he was not a sensitive partner I would like him to be. He would accused me of being like his ex or I was crazy. After the breakup, I spent so much money on seeing 3 diff psychiatrists to evaluate me for a propered diagnosed. I wanted to fix me so bad that I was prepared to embraced whatever to come. But I was diagnosed with PMDD and peri menopause.

 

I go to see a therapist weekly to helped me coped. I'm working on myself to be a better me. Even though I missed him badly a part of me I feel relief. Because everyone when I'm close to getting my period. My symptoms has not been that bad because there's no one there to antagonize me or say insensitive things.

 

It sound to me you had accepted that he's not coming back also? How long has it been NC for you? Well, he can't hide his issues for long by covering it up with someone new. It's not going to last until he fixes himself.

 

I was that way to my ex too! His depression actually made him very selfish around me and my needs were being kept in the backburner because he just couldn't get himself out of his slump. While I understand now it's mostly his depression that's made him act that way, I didn't deserve to be treated so coldly when he refused to get help for himself. He didn't go to doctor to get diagnosed until AFTER he broke us up. He also had a history of failed relationships from exes who've manipulated him, but once he had a gf like me who actually cared and loved him, he pushed me away! What a weird guy. You can see from my own threads about him where had pushed my boundaries and I had repeatedly forgiven him until I just had enough.

 

You're starting to reflect on what went wrong with the past relationship, that's good It'll help you move on easier and realize that you deserve better and you have the power change for yourself.

 

I have been NC for about two weeks now. And yes, I understand now that I have to accept that he's not coming back. He's with someone else now. Even if he left her and contacted me again, would I really be able to trust him again? No. Plus I'm still hurt that he moved on so quickly. I think a lot of time would have to pass to get over that hurt and he'd have to show me proof that he was fixing himself. He wanted to leave, so I'm letting him experience life without me in it (although it was overdue since we stayed friends after the breakup for about a year before I cut contact the first time). I didn't spend over 3 years with him just to be friendzoned while he flaunts his new gf around. I can't fix his problems. I can only fix my own while he has his own battlefield to struggle through. Since he was my first love, I still care deeply for him, but I have to maintain distance. As long as he can't love himself, he can never love me like I do for him. I have to move on and become a better person and he does too. As many NC guides have advised, moving on and getting him back are the same roads. If he really found someone better and made it work, I'd be happy for him (I doubt it though, I'm pretty awesome ). Life's too short to live on regrets and resentment. I'm not jumping into another relationship until I'm ready, but so far, I'm happy. I go to bed alone, but I'm with someone I'm happy with: me.

Edited September 24, 2017 by CeciliaCylara

[donotmicrowave]

I don't understand why so many people on LS want their exes back. It seems to be at least half, if not more, of the posts here.

 

Well, I didn't go no contact in the hopes of getting him back, to me the relationship was over, and that relationship we had, is still dead.

 

Hence I kept pushing the "Don't wait for them", "Move on", "Focus on yourself" mindset. There's no point in wanting them back and continuing the ruined relationship, in my opinion.

[donotmicrowave]

Hi there,

 

May I ask if you reach out to your ex or he did after a year?

 

I was the dumpee a month ago. Long story short, he felt out of love with me because I was battling PMDD (premenstrual disphoric disorder) that I wasn't aware of it. It's the extreme version of PMS-ing and it only happened 7-10 days before my period start. Once my period start, I feel normal again. During the 7-10 days phase I suffered depression, suicidal thoughts, emotional ups/down, angered, moodiness and etc... he had to deal with it every months for the last 6 months of our relationship. On top of that, we sold our house, had to figured out where to move, he and I both got job changed and his new job is 2 hours away. Anyhow, I finally went to get help for the moodswing, that's when I was diagnosed with PMDD and peri menopause. But at that point he told me he fell out of love with me. I begged, cried and plead and said there's meds to help me managed it. He was reluctant but said ok. 3 days later I took the meds was prescribed and went to the hospital. He did not stayed by my side for the 3 days I was in there. They found out I also have an underlying Heart conditions. Came home after 3 days and he dumped me on the same day. It hurt so much that I attempted suicide like you. It's been Nc for about a month now. He did text once to asked about my furnitures and he called once. But I didn't answer but later left a text wishing I was doing well.

 

I am working on myself now.. and there's time I missed him like crazy but sometime I wondered that it might be a blessing in a disguise how he left me at the most brutal time. Which makes me evaluate if I wanted to be with a person like this who couldn't handle stresses well. But unfortunately my heart wants what it wants. At this point I don't think he's coming back. Everyone think he have someone else that's why he can leave me that quick. A week before our break up he was telling me I was his world and here I am all alone now.

 

 

Hey you,

 

My heart really goes out for you. There's nothing worse than fighting with your own mind.

 

What I want you to remind yourself is that your conscience is clear. His isn't. He left you when you were struggling, as a partner and as a friend. You loved him, you still love him, but you're free from him. He isn't.

 

It says much about a person if they can leave someone like that. True, a lot of people don't understand mental illnesses. It's understandable that it causes people to get distant and fall out of love. But to leave you like that? You know that's horrible.

 

You're free to move on, you're free to get better and work on yourself. Even if he has someone else, well, he's someone else's problem now. From what I heard, he doesn't sound like a great person. But I understand your feelings for him.

 

You did what you could. You did so well. I bet we're all proud of you here, for simply hanging in there! It will get better!! It's okay to hurt at times, you're healing. Take this time to be a bit "selfish" and focus on YOU as much as possible, love! Whether he changes his mind in the long run, don't ever count on that or wait for it.

 

-As for your question, I contacted him. His mother contacted me, gave me some updates of her life and told me that his son isn't doing so well. He was blocked from everywhere, so whatever he sent me, couldn't reach me anyway-

[donotmicrowave]

CautiouslyOptimistic: Forgot to add that if they come back, have changed, you have changed, life has changed and you both feel like starting a NEW relationship, I believe in that. It's just not something to wait for. If it happens then it happens!

Edited September 25, 2017 by donotmicrowave

[Throwawayaccount12]

Its been 4 months breakup, almost 2 months NC.

 

She got with someone 9 days after leaving me. We were together for 1.5 years. Since the start of the year, things got stressful for me. I stupidly turned my girlfriend into my therapist, and she pretty much fell out of love. She had an orbiter in the background, and she chose them over me. The breakup became extremely messy and toxic with fighting because she told me 3 weeks after she left me that she has feelings for someone else. I lost it.

 

I still would like a proper shot with her. It wouldve been hard to have a proper shot while we're living at home, im a student, and she works casually.

 

I always wonder if she'll reach out. If she'll unblock me or whatever. But I'm still blocked on everything.

 

It's getting harder to not break nc, but i'm doing my best and focusing on myself. And although I dont want to be in a relationship in general because i enjoy spending time and money on myself to be who i want to be, i do want to be with her...

 

I just dont really know what to do. I think about her all the time. I miss her every day. I just want her back, but i've stopped trying to fight for her when shes with someone else. Sigh.

[Blanco]

I think threads like this, while nice stories, are not helpful for the majority of the people here. There's a lot of people here going through breakups; breakups they didn't want. And they're looking to any and every little thing to cling on to that gives them hope that their relationship is not done for good. But the truth is, usually it is. Most of the time, that isn't a bad thing in the long run.

 

To the folks going through an unwanted breakup: Please understand that these stories are the exception to the rule, and you'll do yourself more harm than good hoping against hope that you too will be one of these exceptions. Do your future self a favor and accept that your relationship is most likely done for good and that you cannot truly heal until you accept that.

[HiCrunchy]

I don't understand why so many people on LS want their exes back. It seems to be at least half, if not more, of the posts here.

 

In the famous words of Selena Gomez. “The heart wants what it wants”

[dumbass2]

Have read your past threads where you said you've broken up before and he's come back. All I can say is i wish you the best of luck this time around.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

CautiouslyOptimistic: Forgot to add that if they come back, have changed, you have changed, life has changed and you both feel like starting a NEW relationship, I believe in that. It's just not something to wait for. If it happens then it happens!

 

I've done this and it blew up in my face even worse than the first time. I guess that influences my firm belief that an ex is an ex for a reason! I'll never again reconcile with an ex. Ever.

[donotmicrowave]

I think threads like this, while nice stories, are not helpful for the majority of the people here. There's a lot of people here going through breakups; breakups they didn't want. And they're looking to any and every little thing to cling on to that gives them hope that their relationship is not done for good. But the truth is, usually it is. Most of the time, that isn't a bad thing in the long run.

 

To the folks going through an unwanted breakup: Please understand that these stories are the exception to the rule, and you'll do yourself more harm than good hoping against hope that you too will be one of these exceptions. Do your future self a favor and accept that your relationship is most likely done for good and that you cannot truly heal until you accept that.

 

Blanco,

 

I didn't want my break up either. The only thing I advised here was to never look back and move on with your life, you can clearly read that. I did not title my post "How to get your ex back", it's about my experience with no contact and as I've clearly stated in the post itself, I suggested to never do no contact to get an ex back, and to never sit around and wait for them.

 

If anyone (including you) takes it the way that "Oh I should to this to get my ex back", that is not what I suggested. That is just the way you want to see it.

 

Why have to bend my story into a different one, when it obviously wasn't advising to A) even think about getting your ex back B) wait for them or C) not think your love story is always an exception.