Was this out of line?

[cocoa342]

I have a long time friend (almost 7 years) who is a Naturopath. I am female and he is a married male (more than 20 years older than me). He has always been professional with me in consults (as 'ive consulted with him previously) and always friendly during our friendship and has never once stepped out of line. However something recently got me thinking...

 

I started getting a lot of recurring urinary tract infections lately and the drs havent been able to pin point what's going on and have told me my only option is long term daily antibiotics. I am not happy with this option so i decided to consult with my friend to see if he had any ideas to help me.

 

He is in the middle of moving clinics and offered to stop by my home for a consult, which i was grateful for. When he came over all was normal - he asked questions about the nature of my issue and then he said he wanted to look at my vagina, which i thought was odd and it made me really uncomfortable. We went to the bedroom and i closed off most of the curtain and he went behind me and closed off the curtain completely. I laid on the bed and only just pulled my underwear down a little so he could see and he was asking me to take my underwear off completely, i said no and was really uncomfortable, he tried to pressure me but i continued to say no, he ended up having a quick look and we went back out to the living area.

 

He asked questions about sexual activity, which i thought was ok as the Drs do that as well. Then he said and did something that really threw me off, he said that my boyfriend must enjoy having sex with me as i am "tight" as i havent had sex with many guys and he was making the shape of a hole with his fingers. I was really put off by this and didn't know what to think. I am feeling really uncomfortable after all this.

 

Was he out of line or am i reading into this to much and what should i do?

[stillafool]

No you were out of line by pulling your panties down and showing a complete stranger your vagina. Be thankful you didn't get raped.

[cocoa342]

No you were out of line by pulling your panties down and showing a complete stranger your vagina. Be thankful you didn't get raped.

 

umm, he is not a stranger, he is my friend who also happens to be a naturopathic doctor.

[stillafool]

Then you obviously must not think he is out of line. Are you underage?

[cocoa342]

Then you obviously must not think he is out of line. Are you underage?

 

That's what i am trying to figure out if he was out of line. I am mid 30's.

[whichwayisup]

He was unprofessional! IF you went to someone else and that exact scenario played out I'm sure you'd feel just as weird and uncomfortable. Who makes comments like that?

Also, you could have spoken up and said no when he asked you to take your undies off.

 

Please go see your family Dr, get some tests done (ultrasound) and blood work too.

[preraph]

He sounds totally creepy to me but then just the fact that he's a naturopath sounds creepy to me. Doctors in the US do not look in women's vaginas without a nurse in the room.

[Steve51]

No room for uncertainty, he was saying inappropriate things. You could report him because sometimes they do the same thing to other women who are afraid to report him. We had a local doctor arrested for video taping his gynecological exams. They found the camera and some women stepped forward to testify about his inappropriate remarks. 3 years later he was back in business. Did not lose his Dr. license for some reason.

[LivingWaterPlease]

cocoa, your naturopathic friend was way out of line. I had a similar experience (not looking at the same area but inappropriate touching) years ago when I was desperate for pain relief so know how this can happen. An acquaintance was in the healthcare field and advertised as a pain specialist. He was not an MD but did have a lot of training, can't rem exactly what at this point.

 

Suffice it to say, it would never have happened had I not been desperate for relief. Since then I've found chiropractors to be very helpful.

 

Anyway, try high quality echinacea herb for recurring urinary tract infections. Have known of anecdotal cases where it's worked for folks with that issue far better and faster than antibiotics. Just be sure to get your herb at a reputable health food store in capsules, not from a big box store. Or buy from an organic herb company. I buy organic herbs in bulk (much cheaper that way) from a great place in the NW. Wish I could post which one but think that's not allowed. However, if you're interested PM me once you get privileges and I'll share the info with you. Until then, try echinacea. Take several capsules every two hours to begin with. Believe you'll be pleased with the results.

[cocoa342]

He was unprofessional! IF you went to someone else and that exact scenario played out I'm sure you'd feel just as weird and uncomfortable. Who makes comments like that?

Also, you could have spoken up and said no when he asked you to take your undies off.

 

Please go see your family Dr, get some tests done (ultrasound) and blood work too.

 

Thank you for confirming his unprofessional behaviour. I have been the Doctors and had extensive tests done but there are no options for me other than long term antibiotics. Hence why I have been looking at alternatives.

[cocoa342]

He sounds totally creepy to me but then just the fact that he's a naturopath sounds creepy to me. Doctors in the US do not look in women's vaginas without a nurse in the room.

 

I agree his behavior is creepy but I didn't think anything about being a naturopath as creepy.

[cocoa342]

No room for uncertainty, he was saying inappropriate things. You could report him because sometimes they do the same thing to other women who are afraid to report him. We had a local doctor arrested for video taping his gynecological exams. They found the camera and some women stepped forward to testify about his inappropriate remarks. 3 years later he was back in business. Did not lose his Dr. license for some reason.

 

wow that's terrible having exams taped - it's sad we think we can trust professionals!

[cocoa342]

cocoa, your naturopathic friend was way out of line. I had a similar experience (not looking at the same area but inappropriate touching) years ago when I was desperate for pain relief so know how this can happen. An acquaintance was in the healthcare field and advertised as a pain specialist. He was not an MD but did have a lot of training, can't rem exactly what at this point.

 

Suffice it to say, it would never have happened had I not been desperate for relief. Since then I've found chiropractors to be very helpful.

 

Anyway, try high quality echinacea herb for recurring urinary tract infections. Have known of anecdotal cases where it's worked for folks with that issue far better and faster than antibiotics. Just be sure to get your herb at a reputable health food store in capsules, not from a big box store. Or buy from an organic herb company. I buy organic herbs in bulk (much cheaper that way) from a great place in the NW. Wish I could post which one but think that's not allowed. However, if you're interested PM me once you get privileges and I'll share the info with you. Until then, try echinacea. Take several capsules every two hours to begin with. Believe you'll be pleased with the results.

 

Thank you so much for sharing your story and advice with me. I am sorry you were inappropriately touched. It really does suck ((hugs)).

 

Thanks also for the herb recommendation. I am going to look into this right away. I will PM you as soon as I am allowed to. I am new on here and unsure how long I need to be a member for before I can PM.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Totally unprofessional. He wanted sex. He settled for just a look, but then couldn't resist the totally vulgar comment that was his last try at getting you to have sex with him (didn't work). GROSS!!! This man is NOT a friend!!!

 

Sorry about the UTIs . I had a lot of urinary tract pain when I was your age, always unexplained and it was so frustrating! I eventually "grew out of it" I guess....? I took a lot of AZO pills back then, which do help ease the pain at least, even if it doesn't cure infections.

 

Good luck!

[d0nnivain]

With his brand of medicine, he should have been able to diagnose & treat you without having to look at your sex organs. He was unprofessional & way out of line. The comments about how tight you were would cause me to end the friendship & report him to the licensing board which governs his profession. His behavior is more like that of a predator dentist who gropes woozy, medicated patients. There is no need for it. Report him and tell his wife.

[cocoa342]

Totally unprofessional. He wanted sex. He settled for just a look, but then couldn't resist the totally vulgar comment that was his last try at getting you to have sex with him (didn't work). GROSS!!! This man is NOT a friend!!!

 

Sorry about the UTIs . I had a lot of urinary tract pain when I was your age, always unexplained and it was so frustrating! I eventually "grew out of it" I guess....? I took a lot of AZO pills back then, which do help ease the pain at least, even if it doesn't cure infections.

 

Good luck!

 

Thinking back on it all now and after discussing with so many helpful people on here i am actually more repulsed than ever by him. Not just as a professional but also as a friend. I don't think I can face him again.

I am sorry to hear you also suffered UTI's, they are so annoying and frustrating to deal with. As soon as my antibiotics are finished, i get another infection right away :-(

[cocoa342]

With his brand of medicine, he should have been able to diagnose & treat you without having to look at your sex organs. He was unprofessional & way out of line. The comments about how tight you were would cause me to end the friendship & report him to the licensing board which governs his profession. His behavior is more like that of a predator dentist who gropes woozy, medicated patients. There is no need for it. Report him and tell his wife.

 

I thought it was odd to that he needed to 'have a look' and he could see i was uncomfortable and yet still pressured me to take a look.

The fact he pulled the curtain in the bedroom completely closed made me feel weird.

[preraph]

With his brand of medicine, he should have been able to diagnose & treat you without having to look at your sex organs. He was unprofessional & way out of line. The comments about how tight you were would cause me to end the friendship & report him to the licensing board which governs his profession. His behavior is more like that of a predator dentist who gropes woozy, medicated patients. There is no need for it. Report him and tell his wife.

 

Naturopaths are not licensed to practice, which is why I said I was creeped out by the notion. In the US if you want a more natural type of medicine, the licensed doctor for that is an osteopath and they have an MD equivalency but with specialty in anatomy and just a different approach but fully educated and certified.