I don't want to give up...help!

[timmy3530]

She doesn't want to get back together, but I still love her more than anything. We dated for 10 months. It all started a month ago. She had to get off of birthcontrol. She started irrational behavior. At the time, I didn't really notice. I was too busy working. Then in the early part of July she broke up with me over the phone. I was speachless, and I wanted to go into my cave. So, I didn't talk to her at all. I took 5 days to think about on my own. In the meantime, she took it as I didn't love her so she fell out of love with me. I realized that I loved her more than anything and I would do anything for her. When I finally contacted her she told me she was too frustrated with me and she had no feelings for me. I admit, I didn't communicate with her very well. I hit the books. I talked to all of my female friends and I came back an enlightened man. I wanted to communicate with her. I wanted to tell her everything.

 

I finally got a chance a week ago to hang out with her for the day. I helped her clean out her mother's plant beds and then we went to see the wedding crashers. We started hugging. I cried for the first time in front of her. I told her that I loved her more than anything and whatever she needed I would do. She cried as well. All she could tell me is that she was so frustrated with me. And that she wished I told her this stuff before. I didn't treat her poorly and she agreed with me on that. In fact, she told me that I treated her very well. I just didn't communicate with her. I told her that I am now and I will for now on. I finally went home and before I left she kissed me goodnight. A very deep and passionate kiss.

 

 

I thought everything was better. That things would work out. I tried calling her the next day and no answer. Then I finally got ahold of her and I told her all the things I was feeling. Like she wanted me to. Still no feelings but complete frustration from her. She sent me an email that monday morning saying she prayed to God and that she didn't love me.

 

 

I don't want to give up. I love her too much to give up. She helped me realize what I really wanted in life. She helped me see the beauty of a true relationship. I changed because of her, and I know that I will never be the same. I will never go back to not communicating. I feel that she is having mood changes and that is hiding her feelings for me. She kept telling me before all of this that she was deeply in love with me. Now, just like that, she is the complete opposite. Can birthcontrol change her this much and will she come back to her senses later on? I don't want to give up! I love her too much. She is everything precious to me and I am a better man because of her. Please, someone help. THank you.

[lostinmymind]

You have to give up, fighting for her only makes it worse. It never works. Just give it time, don't call her for awhile and see what happens. Think of it as a rubber band...she pulls away it gets tighter, you come closer she has more slack to get farther away. Now if you pull back it just gets even tighter and she can't get further away and it's pulling her towards you. There is always a possiblity the rubber band is broken, but in your case I think not. Just keep your distance and act cool, don't tell her how you feel or that you love her even if that is what she said she wants. Let her figure this out by herself and in the meantime try and distract yourself.

[timmy3530]

Thank you for the reply. Actually, it did affect me reading it. Unfortunately, earlier today I sent an email to her. I just pretty much wished her a happy life. But, your metaphor was the real impact to me. Again, thank you.

[Rocko]

Originally posted by lostinmymind

You have to give up, fighting for her only makes it worse. It never works. Just give it time, don't call her for awhile and see what happens. Think of it as a rubber band...she pulls away it gets tighter, you come closer she has more slack to get farther away. Now if you pull back it just gets even tighter and she can't get further away and it's pulling her towards you. There is always a possiblity the rubber band is broken, but in your case I think not. Just keep your distance and act cool, don't tell her how you feel or that you love her even if that is what she said she wants. Let her figure this out by herself and in the meantime try and distract yourself.

 

Don't forget to listen to your own advice, LMM

 

He's absolutely right, btw. I think a big part of the pain is the time involved in this...trying to imagine the future, wondering, etc. You just can't. It has to happen on its own.

[lostinmymind]

Originally posted by Rocko

Don't forget to listen to your own advice, LMM

 

That's the hardest part! I'm doing pretty darn good now, though, if I do say so myself. It's true though, time and distance are the only two remedies. You only start to see that once you back off a bit. In this case patience truly is a virtue.

[timmy3530]

Thank you all for your replies. Again, somehow, reading your posts let me let her go. It's one of the strangest things that has ever happened to me. I Hope and Pray she will find happiness.

 

I did learn alot from this breakup. My biggest downfall as a person is that I never had a sister. So, COMMUNICATION has always been a problem for me. This past month I have been on fire. I have read so many books and talked to so many women about the subject. I have talked to successful and not so successful couples. It's a huge problem with most people.

 

So, the last week I went out and met people. I have made new friends and I am now known as the "Great Listener". My phone keeps ringing all the time. The funny thing is that I really enjoy hearing what people have to say. Especially women. Change is good. It might really hurt sometimes to change, but I know it's for a reason.

 

 

Thanks.