Husband wants to be alone

[smm_1318]

I'm so confused, lost, hurt....I have been with my husband for 17 years (married for 11). We have 2 children. The past 6 months have been tough. My husband has been very distant says he doesn't feel anything anymore etc. He has moved out 2x for less than a week or so (to his brothers place) to try to figure out what he wants and both times decided to come back. Now again we are at the point where he wants to leave again and go somewhere for a longer duration by himself without family influence and see where it leads him. My husband hasn't been himself since 2012 when his father died of cancer. The past 3 years have been rough. He is convinced he has onset of cancer has pains etc. Has been to countless doctors which have found nothing. Our problems and his distance to me stems from him feeling I have been unsupportive of his health conditions. I feel I constantly listened but there is nothing else I can do especially when there is really nothing that seems wrong and honestly after a while it's just draining to hear someone complain all the time. When I ask what I can do I get snap responses. I suggested that he is depressed that we/him go to counceling. He isn't open to anything and one time told me to stop trying to psychoanalyze him. When I ask what he wants he says to be alone. I do mostly everything at home and deal with kids and work full time. He works also but when he is at home hes just blah...not engaged, nothing..I am really just so hurt. We have been through everything together. I really want our marriage to work and I do love him. I know I can't make him feel for me and this isn't fair but I'm just so frustrated. Do I let him leave again? I got married for the long haul and would do anything to make it work. Leaving to me seems like it would just make us more distant ...or am I wrong in that he will get perspective?

[d0nnivain]

Ask him if he'll go to marriage counseling. The death of his father has a caused pain & trouble he's not dealing with. I was a wreck for 5 years after my parents died so I get it but I got professional help to enable me to deal.

[happyonislands]

Hang in there! This is a challenging issue. The death of any loved one can caused major trauma in a person’s life. Bear with him. Continue to encourage counseling (individual and marriage) as well as love him; show him that you love and care for his well-being which I know you are doing.

It will not be easy, but continue to fight for your marriage.

Good luck! I wish you all the best.

[elaine567]

Yes it may be the death of his father, or any number of other things, but he could be having an affair sorry to say.