Miss Spider Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 (edited) I'm sorry to say but you were like her back up dude/emotional cushion with the title BF while she gets it from that guy who could care less about her. I doubt you've ever been 1st in her mind. If you like that position stay where you're at Edited September 27, 2017 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
Been Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 MOST people only have trust issues when their is an ACTUAL issue that is causing it. And the ones being sneaky/lying about things are the first people to use the " you have trust issues" line. When something doesn't feel right its because it isn't right but people hesitate for fear of possibly ruining something or making the other person angry. And in that hesitation they usually end up paying a steep price. If something doesn't make sense its because it DOESNT make sense. Most people though allow the other person to "explain" it away and again they end up paying for it. I think if most people-myself among the guilty- would just learn to TRUST THEMSELVES they would save themselves a lot of heart ache. Link to post Share on other sites
Buriall Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 MOST people only have trust issues when their is an ACTUAL issue that is causing it. And the ones being sneaky/lying about things are the first people to use the " you have trust issues" line. When something doesn't feel right its because it isn't right but people hesitate for fear of possibly ruining something or making the other person angry. And in that hesitation they usually end up paying a steep price. If something doesn't make sense its because it DOESNT make sense. Most people though allow the other person to "explain" it away and again they end up paying for it. I think if most people-myself among the guilty- would just learn to TRUST THEMSELVES they would save themselves a lot of heart ache. I learned this the hard way. I've been so mind ****ed I didn't know what's real or not. But finally came back to my senses. She has chlamydia but she never told me about this condition.. Makes me sick to my stomach how anyone can be as disgusting as her and carry on like it's all rainbows 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Been Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 But that's the thing-you LEARN from your mistakes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Darien 76 Posted September 28, 2017 Share Posted September 28, 2017 Without a doubt you did the right thing and I would have done the same thing. You have shown that you have respect for yourself and I admire you for not accepting less. Link to post Share on other sites
Buriall Posted September 28, 2017 Share Posted September 28, 2017 But that's the thing-you LEARN from your mistakes. What I also learned they love using "I don't know" line to get out of responsibility. Once I caught her looking up this one guy on fb literally every other day.. I brought it up she said "I don't know why I looked him up" and like an idiot I believed her.. Right you don't know why... Turns out they were FWB I don't know why I kept ignoring there huge red flags. I had my love blinds on.. God dammit Link to post Share on other sites
frigginlost Posted September 28, 2017 Share Posted September 28, 2017 Hi all, [NOW] I (had) a girlfriend of 6 years. We have had what I would consider an incredible relationship up until now, but nothing that has hit me as traumatically as this. I broke it off with her last week and want to make sure I am not being crazy with my reasoning especially since we have spent so much time together, literally all of her 20s have been spent with me. [5 Years ago] when the relationship had solidified into a serious LTR 3-6 months in - meeting family - exchanging words of love etc. (became 'official'), there was a guy who continuously popped up on her phone with borderline / inappropriate texts - I was not intentionally checking her phone, but they would come up at weird times i.e. sitting on the nightstand while we were in bed together and a notification pops up with the full text. Here are a few examples (these are texts from Him to Her): "Hey you should come over" at 1am on a Saturday night..."Haven't seen you in a while when can we find a time to see each other""Where have you been I miss that face of yours" * It is worth noting I never saw HER saying or responding these things to him. Only him to her. I brought up that I was uncomfortable witnessing that someone was texting romantic messages to her and she strong insisted "There is absolutely nothing for you to worry about." and "Nothing happened with him." I specifically stated that I am uncomfortable with her interacting with partners from her past from sexual relationships, which she again said "No nothing like that, it's really nothing. Nothing happened." I made it clear that I would NOT be okay with it and we agreed together with that reasoning. I brushed it off at the time that I was being insecure and it didn't come up again. She explained they were just college buddies and in the same college group of friends, so it would be super weird to just stop talking to him. (Especially since "I have nothing to worry about.") [YEAR 1] Until.. a few months later where he popped up again... I noticed there was a LOG of texts back and forth this time because I saw her texting him repeatedly. I brought it up and she spit out the signature line "Nothing Happened! There is nothing to worry about." I pushed, asking what that meant, and she said things like "I never did anything with him, don't worry about it." I then found out they used to work together and they happen to be in the same industry/field. So she positioned it as me being weird - She said things like "What if I asked you to ignore a FRIEND you used to work with.. that would be so awkward" [YEAR 2-5] Fast forward through year 2,3,4,5 it had become apparent that a continued exchange was happening between the two of them, albeit "Friendly" in nature from what I saw and I did not suspect anything sexual (the relationship is otherwise swimming along well, we are growing personally, professionally, and together). But I still never CHECKED her messages for anything (In hindsight, I wish I did back then.) I have no idea what the frequency of these texts was. We were living together during these years, so I didn't suspect any cheating or foul play. The relationship was going very well - happy and healthy. [YEAR 6] Last week, it finally happened. I caught her DELETING the message thread from the guy in front of my eyes - I was working on my laptop next to her in bed while she was not paying attention and after texting back and forth with him she DELETED the thread. I immediately confronted her - with my 5 years of suspicious and angst towards the issue - that there is NO WAY IN HELL she doesn't have something to hide or some history with this person if she is actively deleting the threads. She again PROMISED ME that there is "Nothing to worry about" and "Nothing ever happened with him." She says "I delete threads all the time to save space" (this was what ultimately did her in) [LAST WEEK] I let it slide for a few days. But I woke up in a panic one day last week. I knew something wasn't right. I couldn't do this for another day. I couldn't handle being lied to. I always had a weird feeling about it. I had to really know the truth. I needed to stand up for myself and RESPECT myself and my gut feelings. I sat down with her that night and said we need to put this behind us TODAY. I need to know everything that happened. I can't stop thinking about this. I feel like you misled me. And I need to know. Now. Same line - "Nothing to worry about I promise - it was nothing. We never did anything together." I called her out. I said that is bull****. There is no reason you would delete the thread if you didn't want to hide something from me. You are doing something you KNOW would hurt me. And that was it. She admitted to it. They fooled around in college. They were **** buddies. Friends with benefits. Whatever you call it. She had been lying to me for years, a half a decade of bull****, deceit, and concealment. I knew it. I couldn't look at her. I couldn't make any eye contact. That was it. She packed her things and I asked her to leave. I haven't seen her since. [TODAY] She is begging me to respond, I can't find it in me to reply to her. All of my friends who I have explained this to said I need to remove her from my existence and that this is only the beginning of a MAJOR respect/trust flaw that will never be repairable. And I cannot respond under any circumstance. She doesn't have anything at my place, so there is no reason for her to be here or to see her. I never want to see her again. Am I justified? Please help me understand I did the right thing. ---------- tl;dr: Girlfriend of 6 years was texting a guy that she told me to "not worry about." I had suspicions they had been FWB in the past, and I made it clear I am uncomfortable with her staying in contact with old f-buddies. Finally caught her in the act of deleting messages from him. When confronted, she said "I delete threads all the time to save space", I called bull**** and she admitted she had fooled around with him in the past. Broke up with her immediately and I want to make sure I am justified in my response. Death nail. I hate to say it, but there was something going on with them the entire time. I've seen previous FWB folks absolutely destroy relationships (it happened to me). I had an ex girlfriend that was pulling the same crap as yours did (do they all read from the same script??) and when I caught her deleting messages from him, I walked. You did the right thing. Funny thing is that that particular ex was cheating on me with him (and a few others I have come to find out) and she is still "friends" with all of them. Even though her boyfriend of a year and a half has no clue... Liars/Cheaters who get caught go one of two ways: They either quit, or they get better at hiding it... Link to post Share on other sites
Wobugan Posted October 1, 2017 Share Posted October 1, 2017 This is a bit ****ed tbh. I just got out of a 4 year relationship, my ex went back to her old "FWB" or wtf you can call it as well. During the 4 years they were in minor contact she also insisted they were just friends. I even let her sometimes to go to parties that i knew he would be at because i honestly trusted her to 100% and the guy is also a complete loser. 1 month after our breakup she is with this ****ing guy, having an "old flame" in contact is not a good sign i would say. Really sorry for those 6 years but if she wasn´t unfaitful to you maybe you could be overreacting a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
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