Should I act or move on?

[sensitivegirl0]

Hi,

 

I posted about my eye care practitioner that I have feelings for in January here. He is my dr for 3 years. There was a spark between us. I could feel it. Finally, he invited me to a football match (our fav team was playing) 10 months ago.I was sooo happy. It went well but he didnt do any move on me. He seemed very reserved, i wasn't sure if he was shy or not interested in me. I was nervous too and I was shy. Because he was my dr I didnt want to show my feelings and I kept distant a bit. If I was sure he liked me I would try and be less shy. But on the other hand, I also felt upset that he was cold and distant.

 

Because I was living abroad, I was visiting my home country every 2 months for few weeks and thats where he lives and works as a eye care practitioner. Every time I visit my home country i was seeing him for my regular check ups. Right after the match in January, our mutual friend (male) invited me to coffee saying that "your eye dr and me, we regularly meet up for coffee, you wanna join us?" With this friend, we were meeting up in a group setting regularly but I never knew they were close with my eye care practitioner. I was so surprised and happy at the same time. I thought maybe my dr told our mutual friend that he likes me and inviting me through him to have a coffee. I went. It went well. But again, my dr looked shy and reserved.

 

After the coffee, every time I went to see my dr for check up, he told me we should go for coffee again. He never said we should go two of us. He always mentioned our mutual friends name, meaning that we should go again three of us (This coffee session never happened btw) I didnt mind it in the beginning but then our mutual friend started messaging me more often. For instance, when my dr told me we should go and have coffee, I was expecting him to later message me or me message him to decide day and time, but this never happened. Because always our mutual friend messaged me right after my dr's invite, saying they are going coffee and i should join them, also giving me date and time (when the day comes, I didnt hear from both meaning we didnt meet). I got mad at them both, I told our mutual friend, they should keep their word.

 

Anyways, during this time my dr never messaged me. I started feeling that maybe our mutual friend like me. He was always messaging me, he was inviting me out (where my dr was also going), my dr was always including him in the coffee invite, and i was never hearing a follow up message from my dr but him.

 

In March, I asked our mutual friend directly if he likes me or not. He got very annoyed, he said he doesn't. he was like what made me think like that? I was like I had a feeling maybe you did bla bla. He told me he is disappointed and this will effect our friendship in a bad way. I left it like that...

 

In March, my dr again told me to go to a match with him and friends. I joined them, he was very cold again and reserved and distant. But he was staring at me.

 

I was hurt again by his cold attitude. I told myself I will keep distant from him. I told myself that he doesnt like me, plus I found him rude. I wanted to change my dr because I wanted to forget him. But i didnt.

 

Anyways, months passed. During this time our mutual friend messaged me asking how I am doing and if i am still paranoid. I kept the convo short because even though he told me he sees me as friend, I wanted to keep distant.

 

During this time I saw my dr 3-4 times, every time I saw him he told me to go to coffee (3 of us) but he never messaged me to decide a day and time and I didnt do it too. Because he never messaged me and when I messaged him few times asking how he is, he usually kept the conversation short and cold again. But sometimes he was very friendly. For instance, he told me few month ago he was not feeling good at work, he is thinking about changing his work place through message, bla bla. We had a very good conversation, he showed me his vulnerable side. I gave him positive support etc. After that I came to visit my home country again, I went for check up and saw him. He said we should go for a coffee 3 of us (AGAIN!). I got pissed off but didnt show it. He seemed like he didnt know about what happened between me and our mutual friend. I told him I dont talk with our mutual friend anymore, I told him about what happened. He said he can help us fix the friendship, I said no its ok. He said if we cant go coffee, he will see me at the next match.

 

I was like wow, no mutual friend, no coffee? I didnt tell him this obviously, but I was now sure that he doesnt like me.

 

Long story short, we never went for coffee. We always saw each other at matches. He was distant, and because he was distant I was distant.

 

Last month, we met up at a party. I was drunk. I told him everything. I told him "you are always cold, why is that? I feel upset that you are like this. Did i do anything to you without knowing? Because ur my dr you dont have to be so distant" Drunk talk and bulling a bit.

 

He was quiet and listening, he seemed reserved again. All he said was he is like this to everyone.

 

After that we didnt talk or saw each other. I saw him last week for a check up. He told me its his last day at work. He will work somewhere else in the city. He introduced me to my new dr. And I was like wow, you will not finish my treatment, you wont see my eye when its healthy. He was like no of course I will see it outside. He asked me how long I will be staying this time. I told him, I am back home for good. He was like now you are back but I am leaving, I guess thats life.. Then, he told me we should speak and keep in touch and meet up for a coffee. He told me this twice. I said ok sure, and again he mentioned our mutual friends name, he said I havent seen him long time. I was like me too..

 

I walked away without saying anythings else, I said bye.

 

Now I am upset a bit that I will not see him anymore. I am also happy that he is not my dr anymore. But I know that he will not message me to meet up. Maybe he will wait for next match to invite me. But I want more. Should I message him? I am hurt by his cold and distant attitude so I cant even message him. Everytime he was cold, I told myself that I should keep distant from him and not message him. But I really like him

 

I also blame myself a bit for being so shy around him. I am like maybe he waited a sign from me? Maybe I gave him wrong signal? maybe I was so cold he though i don't like him? But this is exactly how he acted.

 

Also if a man likes me, he will approach me wouldn't he? Even if he is shy, when the girl he likes message him, he would be happy and keep conversation going right?

 

I dont know what i should do.

[d0nnivain]

You are in a "love triangle". You like your eye doctor. Your friend likes you. They are buddies. The eye doctor prioritizes his friendship with his buddy over his feelings for you. Move on.