Not wife material...

[basil67]

I’ve met them through mutual friends, I think I come off as too friendly, always there offering advice, being a helping hand and that could be a huge part of it.

 

Glad you're meeting through mutual friends. Better than OLD!

 

It sounds like you're friendly. Friendly is great! But you're possibly too friendly and helpful.

 

Hold the advice unless it's asked for. Be there for people if they seek you out, but don't jump in and offer unless to do stuff you're either a couple or it's your BFF. In short, don't put yourself in the friend zone.

[d0nnivain]

Your cousin may have a point. Change something about how you interact with these guys to show that you want a BF not a buddy. You don't have to change your clothes or your interests but maybe ratchet up the flirting.

[preraph]

No and no. I’ve made it clear that I’m not interested in sex until I find the guy worth me opening myself up too. That could be a problem. And I see what you mean about the persnality and shyness. Let’s just say I’m shy when you first meet me. But when you get to know me, I have an outgoing personality and am I really good person.

 

 

Moderation is best -- and actually waiting instead of laying out what sounds like "rules" to guys usually works best. All they hear is "I'm not interested in sex," because guess what? They're always interested in sex. Guys hate anything that sounds like rules, which isn't always fair, but sometimes being blunt can backfire on you. Anyway, nothing wrong with saying no to sex but being an amazing kisser until you know them better. Gives them hope. Don't tell them who you've done in the past, especially if you're holding out on them. But you shouldn't anyway. Also, telling them you're holding out until you know if you like them makes them act all kinds of fake ways trying to anticipate what you want.

 

Try to encourage some dates that are activities you share that keep you busy and make you laugh. All guys really want early on dating a new person is to see them smiling and laughing and having fun. They don't want sad or serious early on and they don't want to hear your problems at all yet.

 

Good luck.

[road]

Can you identify any other commonalities about these men? So far all I see is you as the common denominator. But if you can ascertain some other trait they all share, perhaps you can avoid that in the future.

 

 

For example in my 20s I was very aggressive. I ended up with bad boys & players. When I changed my attitude I got different men.

 

 

A dear friend of mine realized her "picker" was off so when she would see a gorgeous guy that made her heart go pitter pat, she talked to his buddies. She's been happily married for 15 years now.

 

 

You can't change them so you have to change your approach. Is it where you meet them? Is it some other characteristic? Ask a few friends if they noticed any similarities.

 

 

So what did she talk about to these buddies?

[Springsummer]

Maybe there is nothing wrong about you?

 

Have you read my thread? maybe it gives the answer you need.

[preraph]

I’ve met them through mutual friends, I think I come off as too friendly, always there offering advice, being a helping hand and that could be a huge part of it.

 

You may be putting yourself in the matronly mother role and if you do that you'll end up with a big baby. You do have to restrain your good nature. Being too giving will attract people who just want to mooch off you or use you. So try to stay neutral and only give as much as you're getting back until you are in a solid relationship. No gifts, no favors, no cleaning house for them, no advice to them on their love life. Don't get stuck in the friendzone or the mother zone. Remember, a parent/child relationship is NOT sexy and won't work. Being too eager comes off as desperate and pathetic. Use restraint.

[angel.eyes]

I don’t have any friends, but one of my close cousins told me I come off too much as a friend because I love things like sports, video games, etc, I’m not as feminine (heels, makeup, girly crap.) as most girls my age and that’s why I’m often friend zoned.

:confused:

You said earlier you're frustrated that they just wanted to have sex with you and weren't taking you seriously.

 

Which is it? Are they seeing you as a booty call girl and a potential affair partner? A friend?

[Boa Loves Monkey]

Let's say for the sake of argument there are 500,000 eligible men for you. How many would you run into and meet disappointment in order to find the perfect guy for you? Don't give up Cocoapetty! You aren't running into guys who want a wife, they want flings. And out of that 500,000 there are probably only 1,000 that deserve your precious time. It's not easy but hang in there and with each disappointment imagine the guy you want, he will come if you hold him in your mind.

[Cocoapetty]

:confused:

You said earlier you're frustrated that they just wanted to have sex with you and weren't taking you seriously.

 

Which is it? Are they seeing you as a booty call girl and a potential affair partner? A friend?

 

 

 

All in one ?. I’ve had guys who’ve only wanted a friendship, I’ve had guys who only wanted sex. It’s always either or no in between.

[d0nnivain]

I’ve had guys who’ve only wanted a friendship, I’ve had guys who only wanted sex. It’s always either or no in between.

 

How do you know they only want sex? Unless they are saying, yeah I'll have sex with you but I don't want a relationship / commitment could it be that they see sex as part of a relationship?

 

In general, women need to feel loved to have sex but men need to have sex to feel loved.

 

I'm just trying to get a better understanding of the men you say only want sex. Some physicality is part of a healthy romance. If you are blocking that aspect early concluding that it's all a guy wants, that could be part of your problem.

[Cocoapetty]

How do you know they only want sex? Unless they are saying, yeah I'll have sex with you but I don't want a relationship / commitment could it be that they see sex as part of a relationship?

 

In general, women need to feel loved to have sex but men need to have sex to feel loved.

 

I'm just trying to get a better understanding of the men you say only want sex. Some physicality is part of a healthy romance. If you are blocking that aspect early concluding that it's all a guy wants, that could be part of your problem.

 

I know it’s all they want because they come right out and say it. I’ve heard things like “since you and so and so are no longer together, when you gonna let me f*ck.” Or my BM is asleep can I come over and “chill” with you. oh and the best one, I’m not looking for a relationship, but we can still be friends and f*ck from time to time.” 3 wks later they are dating someone else.

[Cookiesandough]

First, your title. Don't say that about yourself!

 

I have a friend like this.She is a "cool girl" vibe, which I envied at first... because I get anxiety. But knowing her personally, she has another very unhappy side. guy's she likes kind of love her and leave her/drift in and out of her life and she has been OW(or like a side piece) on at least 2 occasions. She fell in love w both. I notice her emotions do come out with passive aggressive games.

 

This could be your issue. Being laid back and go with the flow is actually NOT feminine at all. It is a feminine quality to be emotional. When men say they want "no drama" , don't conflate that with 'doormat'. If a woman doesn't appear to hold herself high and set standards for herself, most guys will walk on them and assume anyone else can too. Chill does appeal a lot to men who are married or not looking for anything serious. That laid-back vibe means that things will easy and little drama. I think you should work first and foremost on your self esteem/self confidence. Make sure you have that attitude are happy and complete person alone, and any man who is lucky enough to be with you (or "wife" you) must had to this happiness.

Edited September 27, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[d0nnivain]

I know it’s all they want because they come right out and say it. I’ve heard things like “since you and so and so are no longer together, when you gonna let me f*ck.” Or my BM is asleep can I come over and “chill” with you. oh and the best one, I’m not looking for a relationship, but we can still be friends and f*ck from time to time.” 3 wks later they are dating someone else.

 

 

That's just vulgar. Yuck. You are much better off without them. Any chance they see you as "one of the guys" so they think your sexual preferences or morals are more in line with a "guy's" way of thinking? I'm not saying all men only want casual sex. I am asking if these idiots could have come to that conclusion (but then again I am giving them the benefit of the doubt that they can even think / reason because from what they say it doesn't appear that way)

[todreaminblue]

All in one ?. I’ve had guys who’ve only wanted a friendship, I’ve had guys who only wanted sex. It’s always either or no in between.

 

 

if i was goign to pick a guy as potential marriage partner it would be a guy who saw me as a friend....and not a walking vagina.the best marriages i feel is when you marry the guy who is or becomes your best friend........deb

[Chilli]

l don't suppose too you happen to know if you have a killer body by any chance.

And nope , it's no use asking your gf's women usually don't know the difference between just any old good body and a killer body.

[Chilli]

But one thing l can say is a women needs to know how to block guys saying stuff like the above to her for a start.

You might be too open or easy or something, but guys don't talk like that to just any girl and most girls wouldn't allow it either.

 

There's a real respect thing a guy needs to have if he's gonna treat anything with a girl, as more, or seriously.