I hope in the future we can at least be friends

[nameless soul 832]

So I met a guy going through a divorce. We hit it off and began hanging out. We cuddled and kissed a few times as well, although I knew the timing was off for us to begin dating. He literally told me he wasn't at a point where he could start a relationship. But he was quite sweet and I loved talking with him and I got feelings anyhow.

 

So I somehow missed the fact that he called me and left a voicemail asking me to hang out until a month after the fact. I thought he had simply vanished on me when all along he thought I had vanished on him. When I called him back he was at that point hanging out with another girl. Of course I wasn't upset with him for that. I did tell him at that point that he and I should probably stop doing anything sexual and he said he was willing to give that up. We both said we should be friends. But the only reason I said that was because he had told me he wasn't available to start a relationship. I wanted to be able to continue to hang out with him and get to know him without screwing things up. And keep my dating options open.

 

So we began texting again. And I still had feelings for him. And then he texted me asking me if I wanted to hang out with him and his new girl he was dating.

 

At this point I was confused and hurt because I thought he wasn't available to date yet he was now telling me he was dating some one else. One of the only reasons I wanted to curtail the physical stuff between us was because he had said he wasn't available. In his defense, I HAD told him that I was glad to be his friend, so I'm sure he took me literally. He isn't malicious.

 

I told him I couldn't be friends right now it because I had feelings for him. I cut off contact because it was starting to hurt.

 

I think it was the right thing to do. The thing is, I don't want to say goodbye forever. Not at all. I truly care about this guy and he's going through some really difficult stuff right now. A big part of me still wants to get in touch with him. But I don't think that would be helpful for either of us right now.

I mean, he is still mourning the loss of a marriage with children that lasted YEARS. I feel I'd be a fool to think either me or this new girl are what are primarily on his mind. I need to completely let go of him as a romantic option before getting back in touch. My heart still cares about him though. I can't help it.

 

Just ranting. Thanks if you read this.

[Steve51]

I do not understand why you would even want to be friends. What are you going to do, go to the movies with him and his date?

[nameless soul 832]

I don't want to be friends right NOW. It isn't the right time.

 

The only way it would work, for me, is if I find a new guy to date/have romantic feelings for instead of him. Aka in the future.

[ExpatInItaly]

Forget about this dude, OP.

 

He friend-zoned you. That was evident the moment he invited you to hang out with him and his new girl - this was a hint to you that he doesn't have any romantic intentions with you any longer.

 

There's no point in trying to keep a friendship like this alive.