Dumped after 3 years of an amazing relationship

[iflipburgers]

I think about this everyday man, we need to try to let those thoughts go. There are so many reasons they did what they did that we wont ever be able to understand, and at the end of the day its not all on us.

 

Yes, I couldve loved her more, if I could go back I'd do it all differently. But would have changed the outcome? Sometimes I think it would, but for how long? How long can you strive for perfection, because sometimes life happens and love takes the backseat.

Maybe they are longing for something else, searching for some sort of perfection that they'll never find. Maybe the happiness they are looking for cant be found in someone else, but only themselves. Until they can do that, they can never love anyone.

 

Anthle702 - that is probably one of the best if not the best comments i have read on this forum....honestly!

[OutKast100]

How are all of you guys doing lately?

[Purepony]

I wonder how the op is doing ? He has not updated in a while

 

I hope we get an update

[Octavian8]

Well I haven't done an update in a while now so here goes. Part of the reason for that is that I've been busy with grad school applications, which have been a welcome distraction, and something to really get excited about for the future, so theres that. I can say that I do have good days now, the trend seems to be upward overall, but I don't think I'm anywhere near the level of happiness I was at pre-breakup and probably won't be for a while. I'm not obsessing or overthinking all of the time about it anymore, but I'm not exactly happy either. I think I've sunk into this general apathy and distrust of other people, and it's really a shame because I used to be pretty optimistic and positive before.

 

I've been taking melatonin to help fall asleep because I was having trouble sleeping and I've been doing some therapy/counselling to help get through some of the rougher times, and it has helped to some extent. Although at the end of the day others can only do so much for you. I can proudly say I've stuck with no contact this entire time so I'm happy I was able to discipline myself in that respect. Haven't heard from her at all in 5 months now, which is pretty sad. I guess I have to resign to the fact that I won't hear from her again.

 

Still harbouring a lot of regret that gets to me sometimes, it's probably still my biggest struggle, at times thinking how I could've done things differently, if only i had done this or that, and the frustration that I can't change anything that comes with that. I find that I'm still really hard on myself for things like that, thoughts that it's my fault and I didn't do enough and wasn't good enough. Just this past weekend I had a bit of a breakdown in a while about it all since it was the 5 month mark of the breakup/no contact, really falling into self blame/regret, but now I'm feeling okay again. Emotions seem to be ebbing and flowing, but with less intensity and frequency.

 

I really wish life hadn't thrown me this curveball because I was happy with the way things were, and now I have to work at just being content, but I guess thats the way life goes. This has probably been the worst time in my life since my parents divorced and my grandparents died. I hope I can one day put it all behind me completely.

[BC1980]

I really wish life hadn't thrown me this curveball because I was happy with the way things were, and now I have to work at just being content, but I guess thats the way life goes. This has probably been the worst time in my life since my parents divorced and my grandparents died. I hope I can one day put it all behind me completely.

 

It sounds like you are making progress, and good for you for making it 5 months of NC. That is something to be proud of and will pay off as time goes on. One thing I learned after my big breakup that brought mere here is that life is filled with curve balls. Life is filled with ups and downs. Navigating those ups and downs is a part of life, and the people that find a way to navigate those curve balls without falling into a black hole are the most successful people. We all crave stability, but life doesn't work that way. I read somewhere that life is a series of navigating losses, and that is so true. You will find your way out of this, and it sounds like you already are.

[BC1980]

Do you guys have any advice on getting over this hate? After almost 2 months, I find myself still moving back and forth through the grief stages.

 

There are days I'm still shocked. There are days I hate her.

 

I hate her for lying to me and running off with someone else. I hate her for giving up on our relationship and never addressing her issues with me.

 

How can we forgive someone who hurt us so badly, while they dont seem to care. I am honestly praying its GIGS, and one day I can shove it in her face.

 

I don't know if you are still dealing this this, but I wanted to offer some advice if you still need it. Basically, you are trying to become indifferent to her. Once you become indifferent, you won't feel hate or any other emotions surrounding the breakup. You will be free and able to forgive and move on. Forgiveness is for you, and it just means you moved on. It means you no longer feel the person owes you a debt anymore. You have relinquished the debt so to speak.

 

You need to stay with NC, and create a new life without her. You gotta do both. Not one of the other. The new life you create without her will be filled with new memories and overtake what you had with her.

[OutKast100]

Well I haven't done an update in a while now so here goes. Part of the reason for that is that I've been busy with grad school applications, which have been a welcome distraction, and something to really get excited about for the future, so theres that. I can say that I do have good days now, the trend seems to be upward overall, but I don't think I'm anywhere near the level of happiness I was at pre-breakup and probably won't be for a while. I'm not obsessing or overthinking all of the time about it anymore, but I'm not exactly happy either. I think I've sunk into this general apathy and distrust of other people, and it's really a shame because I used to be pretty optimistic and positive before.

 

I've been taking melatonin to help fall asleep because I was having trouble sleeping and I've been doing some therapy/counselling to help get through some of the rougher times, and it has helped to some extent. Although at the end of the day others can only do so much for you. I can proudly say I've stuck with no contact this entire time so I'm happy I was able to discipline myself in that respect. Haven't heard from her at all in 5 months now, which is pretty sad. I guess I have to resign to the fact that I won't hear from her again.

 

Still harbouring a lot of regret that gets to me sometimes, it's probably still my biggest struggle, at times thinking how I could've done things differently, if only i had done this or that, and the frustration that I can't change anything that comes with that. I find that I'm still really hard on myself for things like that, thoughts that it's my fault and I didn't do enough and wasn't good enough. Just this past weekend I had a bit of a breakdown in a while about it all since it was the 5 month mark of the breakup/no contact, really falling into self blame/regret, but now I'm feeling okay again. Emotions seem to be ebbing and flowing, but with less intensity and frequency.

 

I really wish life hadn't thrown me this curveball because I was happy with the way things were, and now I have to work at just being content, but I guess thats the way life goes. This has probably been the worst time in my life since my parents divorced and my grandparents died. I hope I can one day put it all behind me completely.

 

Sounds like you are in the same state of mind as me. I don't really have any trust in other women right now either and I dont want to be in a new relationship. The problem is that I don't have that connection that I used to have so I feel lonely sometimes and I miss what I had and how I knew that I had someone who was there for me who was a part of my life. I have my regrets too but what makes me feel better is reminding myself that she was the one who walked away and didnt fight for the relationship. I'm glad that you haven't contacted her, I'm not contacting my ex either and she hasn't reached out to me. It's strange though because Im still friends with her family on facebook, I just unfollowed them so that i wouldnt be reminded of her but none of them deleted me. Maybe one day our exes will reach out to us but Im not here waiting for that day and counting down the days until it happens. Honestly, Ive thought about it and things just wouldn't be the same if she would change her mind and want me back. In the back of my mind I will always have this sort of anger for what she did and how she walked away and I just wouldn't look at her the same way.

 

I can relate to you in the sense that this has also probably been the worst time of my life too. My grandma passed away about a month before my ex broke up with me and I had an interview for my dream job but I didnt get the position and its very hard to get into this field. But whatever man, let's just keep moving forward. I've had a lot more free time due to being single so I've been jogging like 65 kilometers a week and Im in much better shape now. We can always be happy about other things and we can find things to make us happy which don't rely on other people. At this point im just looking forward to the day when I am indifferent to all this bullsh*t and just happy to put this nightmare behind me. Just one day at a time.