Twin Cousin

[shellybing]

So, last night I spent a great deal of time online chatting with a cousin of mine.

 

The instant we met when we were kids we were the best of friends and just had this weird connection. I have been talking to him online for some time and finally met back up with him at a wedding of one of his siblings.

 

He shared with me a rumor last night that he had been holding in for 9 years.

There was word that his mother had once slept with my father. After some torturous looking around and talking about it we have come to the conclusion that if this is true, he is my brother and not my cousin.

 

We looked through old photos and had always commented on how much our children look alike, but never really commented on how much we look like eachother. He doesn't look like any of his siblings. And he and I could pass for fraternal twins. He is a male and I am a female, but after lining up photos and putting a bunch of them side by side, we are basically twins. We look exactly the same, with the exception that I am a woman and he is a man. We are in our 30s now and he is appx the same age. We had also always talked about our daughters and how much they look alike. They could pass for twins too. The only difference between the two are a couple of years in age, and his daughter has curly hair and freckles and mine does not.

 

I am not entirely positive how I feel about this. On the one hand, for his sake, I hope it is true. His parents (my aunt and uncle) are horrible people and put their children through horrible things. On the other hand, I would be heartbroken if I knew this were true. I don't want to share my Dad!

And even again, in another perspective, maybe because his parents are so horrible and mine were better maybe he is just looking for a reason why, or wants closure, and this is something that he has latched on to, in an effort to not be associated with his own parents. He doesn't speak to them, they truly are horrible people. I feel so bad for him. I would not mind if he were my brother, he would make a good big brother. But if he is not, I feel it will just be hard for him to accept, and even so - I love my dad and have been there through it all with him thick and thin. I was raised by him, his only daughter, and he was a single parent. It has always just been us two.

 

 

Do you think we should order the dna testing? I have been trying to think of ways to ask my dad, but I cannot think of any graceful way to ask. I found this DNA test and it will tell us if we are siblings, and we also opted into looking into having a doctor do it as well.

 

I am so torn in my feelings about this, I did not sleep last night and I it looks like I am going to be up again all night thinking about this. Any advice or words of wisdom would help.

 

Thanks so much.

[shellybing]

My dad and his dad are brother, so it would have been my dads brother's wife.

 

It would not be incest, given she was married in...I would like to make that clear.

[basil67]

I wouldn't gauge much of this on looks. Siblins (even fraternal twins) so often look nothing like each other. And cousins can look similar.

 

I guess that if you can't sleep, you could investigate the DNA - but I think it would be better to let sleeping dogs lie.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Yes, I'd do the DNA test.

 

As an anecdote, I have 9 cousins in all. The two that I'm closest to, it feels like we are siblings. And, biologically speaking, we are half siblings because our mothers are identical twins. There may be something to the closeness you've always felt with him.

[shellybing]

I wouldn't gauge much of this on looks. Siblins (even fraternal twins) so often look nothing like each other. And cousins can look similar.

 

I guess that if you can't sleep, you could investigate the DNA - but I think it would be better to let sleeping dogs lie.

 

He told me this after 9 years. I think he needs to know.

 

I am pretty sure he is looking for a way out of being related to his parents because they are such horrible people, but it really does make sense, if the rumor is true.

 

But, I felt so bad he had been holding this is for 9 years and not telling me or anyone about it. He had said that he did not realize it until his wife pointed it out one day, how much we had looked alike. And then, he just never said anything to keep the peace. While I was talking to him he said that it would be nice to put it to rest, but then what do you do with that. It is like we'll I have a new brother now.

 

I just cannot believe he held it in for so long without saying anything. . . .

 

I am wondering if I should even ask my dad and just opt for the testing.

We can do it without the parents, and it asks for the mother's dna anyway, not the father's.

 

So it could just be the two of us who know about it, but then I guess what happens after we know for sure. I mean, it is going to be pretty difficult to tell your dad that he has another kid and that well we played scooby doo and found out the answer.

 

And, if we take the test just us, then nobody knows any wiser and we could just pretend we are not so crazy over a rumor.

[Miss Clavel]

He shared with me a rumor last night that he had been holding in for 9 years.

There was word that his mother had once slept with my father.

 

uh, if people were spreading rumors that my father was a cheater you bet your ass i'd investigate.

 

do the test and then confront the gossip monger. clear your fathers name, you owe it to your mother.

[shellybing]

He shared with me a rumor last night that he had been holding in for 9 years.

There was word that his mother had once slept with my father.

 

uh, if people were spreading rumors that my father was a cheater you bet your ass i'd investigate.

 

do the test and then confront the gossip monger. clear your fathers name, you owe it to your mother.

 

There is no doubt that my father was a cheater. I knew about all of his affairs and his hatred to my step-mom. He stayed with her because she had nowhere else to go and was an alcoholic gambler. He cheated alot. He even had another baby that passed away once with another woman. That is what finally triggered the divorce from my step mother, and my real mother was never around because she was mentally ill.

 

My dad was and always will be my only parent. I can understand why he did the things he did, and the rest is none of my business.

 

I do know these things to be true of him - which is another factor that is leaning toward "omg this could be true."

[Veronica73]

Personally, if I was in your situation, I’d totally get the DNA test (without talking to your dad). But that’s just me. I always like to know.

[anika99]

A rumour is usually false or only partially true. Even if this rumour is true and your aunt did have sex with your dad it doesn't mean she was impregnated by him. Physical appearances within families are a funny thing. I have a son who looks strikingly similar to my mom's sister when comparing pictures of them at the same age. It's not uncommon at all for siblings to have children that look the same. Basing your assumptions on looks alone is weak.

 

I guess it's really up to your cousin regarding how you proceed. He is the one who doubts his biology so he needs to decide if he wants DNA testing or not.

[cocoa342]

Did you opt to have the DNA test done?

[shellybing]

Did you opt to have the DNA test done?

 

I aksed my dad what it was like back then and he let me know that my aunt and uncle were inseparable at that point in time. I looked through some old photos and found that we just look like my grandpa. We just got a bunch of dominant genes there.

 

I also came to the conclusion that anything that comes out of that woman's mouth is a lie, she has done and said many horrible things and all of my cousins have called me with issues on their mom over the years. Once when they were little it was rumored that she gave them meth, and i have heard story upon story out of her own mouth that is not true.

 

I still hope to do the test sometime. But it doesn't seem so pressing now that it has set in and I have had time to think about it on both ends of the deal.

[amaysngrace]

Maybe you were drawn to each other because you look so similar. Maybe that is the reason behind the connection.

[shellybing]

I am hoping so

 

we are still the best of friends and even when it seems a bit nuts lol

 

thanks all for the support!

I do appreciate it.