EthanSPK Posted September 26, 2017 Share Posted September 26, 2017 A few weeks ago, I found myself crying in bed after a nightmare in which my father died suddenly while I was a hundred miles away, and couldn't say goodbye to him. This isn't new. Since a couple of years I started to worry about my relationship with him, since he's 60 years old and has high blood pressure and cholesterol. I know he's not going to live forever, but the thing that worries me most is not being able to make him proud of me. I always find myself having an argument with him, since he still treats me like I'm a little child (even if I left home already). I want him to see that I truly care about him, but don't know how or what to do. I buy presents for him every time I go to his house, but we don't talk much. Right now, my biggest fear is waking up one day only to discover my father is dead and I will never have another chance to make him happy. Link to post Share on other sites
shellybing Posted September 26, 2017 Share Posted September 26, 2017 Why don't you talk to him and just tell him how you are feeling? That is just how you have to start. . . . I have a dad too, and i care for him alot! He was my only parent, but we lost contact for a while. All I really had to do was to just start talking to him again. I ask him how he is doing and what is going on for him. If you are worried, tell him you are worried. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EthanSPK Posted September 26, 2017 Author Share Posted September 26, 2017 Why don't you talk to him and just tell him how you are feeling? That is just how you have to start. . . . I have a dad too, and i care for him alot! He was my only parent, but we lost contact for a while. All I really had to do was to just start talking to him again. I ask him how he is doing and what is going on for him. If you are worried, tell him you are worried. It's not that easy. You see, he's cold and distant with almost every person, he barely spends time with his wife. Last time I tried to have a serious conversation with him was something like this: Me: "hey dad, I'm having this X problem, I don't know what to do" Him: "..." Literally. Link to post Share on other sites
shellybing Posted September 26, 2017 Share Posted September 26, 2017 It's not that easy. You see, he's cold and distant with almost every person, he barely spends time with his wife. Last time I tried to have a serious conversation with him was something like this: Me: "hey dad, I'm having this X problem, I don't know what to do" Him: "..." Literally. all you can do is keep trying until he gets it. is he angry with you over something from the past? Maybe if that is the case you can give your side of it, and say your peace? That is how I ened up getting back in touch with my dad after a long time. He was angry at me because of a sitution in the family, and felt I had contributed to. I said my peace, and that was it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EthanSPK Posted September 26, 2017 Author Share Posted September 26, 2017 is he angry with you over something from the past? Maybe if that is the case you can give your side of it, and say your peace? That is how I ened up getting back in touch with my dad after a long time. He was angry at me because of a sitution in the family, and felt I had contributed to. I said my peace, and that was it. Yeah. I honestly hated him. He also holds some bad feelings towards me because I didn't get along with his wife (for reasons that were out of my control) and that caused him a lot of problems, though I'm in good terms with her now. But after moving out from his house, he often sends me messages saying hi and asking how are things going for me in this new place. I miss my family, even if we're almost always fighting each other. Looks like distance makes you realize how much you care about others. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
shellybing Posted September 26, 2017 Share Posted September 26, 2017 Yeah. I honestly hated him. He also holds some bad feelings towards me because I didn't get along with his wife (for reasons that were out of my control) and that caused him a lot of problems, though I'm in good terms with her now. But after moving out from his house, he often sends me messages saying hi and asking how are things going for me in this new place. I miss my family, even if we're almost always fighting each other. Looks like distance makes you realize how much you care about others. I would just start by coming to terms with that and letting him know how you feel. Let him know you did not think you had a choice, and that you just were doing what you had to do and that you understood what was going on, but you had no control over what was happening, and whatever it was you were just doing the best you could. Maybe you could start by doing something he likes and striking up the conversation. An example of that would be like maybe an invite to dinner and then offering up a favorite beer. My dad likes beer, so I have one ready. Then we just talk about stuff, and when it feels more comfortable you can bring up what happened and get some closure on that for both of you. Or you could just call him up and tell him too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author EthanSPK Posted September 26, 2017 Author Share Posted September 26, 2017 Maybe you could start by doing something he likes and striking up the conversation. An example of that would be like maybe an invite to dinner and then offering up a favorite beer. My dad likes beer, so I have one ready. Then we just talk about stuff, and when it feels more comfortable you can bring up what happened and get some closure on that for both of you. That's a fantastic idea. Actually he was saying something about inviting me and my sister to dinner this weekend, I'll see what happens there. Thank you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LurkerXX Posted October 3, 2017 Share Posted October 3, 2017 You may just have to provide him some reassurance that you are not going to cause trouble between him and his new/newish wife.....yeah it can be hard since you may not perceive yourself at fault for the way things went between her and you. But if its important that you have a better relationship, just let him know that that time was hard time for you, that you have come to acccept his choices. Leave the part of your choices out; sometimes parents are just in a rut, may really want the best for you, but cannot wrap their heads around the choices you make...so they go into parent child mode again, Its best to accept that you being their child, that seeing you as that little kid they remember will just will happen at times. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kdorsy Posted October 9, 2017 Share Posted October 9, 2017 Reach out and tell him about what you feel. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EthanSPK Posted October 10, 2017 Author Share Posted October 10, 2017 Last saturday we were supposed to go out for dinner, but things happened and we couldn't. I felt frustrated because of that, because I was planning to talk to him during dinner, without interference from his wife. Later he ordered pizza and called me 'tight-fisted' for not offering to pay for it... I mean, wtf man, you're the one who wanted to order pizza in the first place. Next day, I got mad at him because my mother called and he started asking questions and criticising me for not being supportive enough (she has severe mental issues). I was on the verge of telling him to f*ck off and then leave his house. This is hard. I want to improve my relationship with him but he only makes it harder. Link to post Share on other sites
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