Finding it impossible to meet single women

[Short-Guy]

Since my last post I've been working on my social circle. I continue to make friends, but can't find any single women. Are most women in their 20s already taken? Anyone here with similar experiences?

[d0nnivain]

Where are you looking? Single women are everywhere.

 

 

If you are not a fan of bars or clubs try some combination of the following:

 

 

1. take or teach an adult education class something like managing your finances; cooking; art appreciation . . . something they teach at night at the local high school or community college

 

 

2. play a co-ed sport

 

 

3. volunteer somewhere doing something you care about -- caring for animals, fighting a disease, the arts, politics, etc.

 

 

4. look who is around when you get your morning coffee

 

 

5. at the laundry mat

 

 

6. do a summer share at the beach or a winter share at a ski resort

 

 

7. attend alumni events

 

 

8. tell everybody you know that you are open to being fixed up

 

 

9. attend niche singles events. They have them for every interest out there. I went to one called Leashes & Lovers because I could bring my dog. I played board games with a Meet-Up group. I met my husband at an entrepreneur's event. I had planned to go to one where they pair you to play golf with somebody; I figured even if the guy wasn't my type I'd at least get 9 holes in.

 

 

10. Go to industry events for your job.

[EthanSPK]

You know, sometimes I feel the same. Every single woman I was interested in has a boyfriend or is too obsessed with her career to even consider having a relationship.

[normal person]

Since my last post I've been working on my social circle. I continue to make friends, but can't find any single women. Are most women in their 20s already taken? Anyone here with similar experiences?

 

Try a dating ap. Every woman on there is single and looking. There are hundreds, if not thousands, of them in your city.

[GoodOnPaper]

Right after I graduated from college for about a year, everyone I met was engaged or committed to a BF - at least that's what they told me. Highly frustrating. Timing definitely worked in my wife's favor. Sadly, my single days were pre-internet so I wasn't able to get good advice like you're getting in this thread.

[Short-Guy]

I currently in graduate school. Since it is engineering, there are virtually none in my classes. I am in several clubs that involve my hobbies. There are women there, but they all are taken. I've asked them out and all steady have boyfriends. I even have seen several with their boyfriends, so I am sure most if not all of them are honest about it. I tried online dating but being 5 feet tall, I was universally rejected on several sites. Right now, the only option left is overseas dating.

[d0nnivain]

Do they have grad school mixers for all of the disciplines . . . like all together so the engineers can meet the people in education, law, medicine, the arts etc.? Do you attend them?

 

 

Do make everyone you know aware that you are open to being fixed up. People, especially women, love to play matchmaker.

 

 

I heard some guy posted on his FB page that he wanted to be fixed up. He met a number of women that way. What have you go to lose? You never know who knows someone who may be perfect for you!

[Short-Guy]

The mixers are specific to each major. The last one had only a dozen people show up. My schedule makes it difficult to go to the bars nearby. I've tried cold approaching on campus, but that has not resulted in any success. I am virtually out of options.

[Cookiesandough]

make time to go to bars...if you're too busy to go to a bar and approach women, you're prob too busy to date

[Code123]

Since my last post I've been working on my social circle. I continue to make friends, but can't find any single women. Are most women in their 20s already taken? Anyone here with similar experiences?

No, there are no single women in your 20s. At least that's my experience. They're all taken. Sorry, that's just the way it is.

[normal person]

No, there are no single women in your 20s. At least that's my experience. They're all taken. Sorry, that's just the way it is.

 

Just for fun, I did a random search in Dallas on OKCupid for women age 20-30. Got a few hundred results. How do you explain that?

[Bantosm]

Just for fun, I did a random search in Dallas on OKCupid for women age 20-30. Got a few hundred results. How do you explain that?

Dating sites are notorious for having fake profiles created to draw new members. Members often create addition profiles strictly for the purpose of experimentation. Even if they are genuine profiles that doesn't guarantee that they are single. They may be looking to be with multiple partners or simply looking for an ego boost.

[Sunlight72]

d0nnivan had a great list of ideas!! If you actually are sincere about finding a date, you should pick and Act On at least 7 ideas.

 

It sounds like you are more feeling sorry for yourself than seeking a relationship. I get it, at times it feels too unlikely, difficult, impossible. It's valid to feel that.

 

Someday, if you do feel more motivated and less defeated, do write out that list and pin it on your wall.

 

It can be hard, no doubt. When you are in the right frame of mind, it can be methodically improved though.

 

Best Wishes,

Sunlight

[normal person]

Dating sites are notorious for having fake profiles created to draw new members. Members often create addition profiles strictly for the purpose of experimentation. Even if they are genuine profiles that doesn't guarantee that they are single. They may be looking to be with multiple partners or simply looking for an ego boost.

 

So what percent of the hundreds would you guess are fake, experiments, or not single? Is it at all a significant percentage? I doubt it. If it were, people would have wised up by now and stopped using them a long time ago, and the companies would have gone out of business. But that hasn't happened, OLD has come a de facto way of meeting people. A basic Google search will tell you that. In a way it's even more efficient than trying to meet people in person because you're not limited to only the people who happen to be at the same place at the same time.

 

I meet plenty of women online. I get a steady stream of messages weekly. The "fake" messages are easily detected and ignored, and might be 1 in 1000 at the most. Suggesting that because "fake" profiles exist, that there isn't an overwhelmingly more amount of real ones is dubious. It's like saying the 1919 World Series was fixed, therefore, most sports are fixed and you shouldn't watch them.

 

People here are literally suggesting all women aged 20-29 are taken. So all the women we've met on there (let alone seen), all the female posters here, and all the single women we know in real life are all part of some elaborate conspiracy? This is ridiculous, guys. Do some Googling.

[MyOphelia]

Once again, I'm probably not in a viable position to reply because I am married. But I am going through a divorce and will find myself in the same position, except without the advantage of being in my 20's or 30's. That in itself is going to make this a lot more challenging.

 

So "back in the day" we met people without the benefit of the internet. But I am personally NOT of the opinion of meeting women in bars. First, I don't drink alcohol and while I don't mind being around someone who drinks occasionally, if I meet them at a bar, by default it increases the chances of meeting someone who's really into her alcohol and the bar and club scene.

 

Find things you genuinely enjoy doing. People turn their nose up at volunteering but if I may: Not only are you giving back to society, but you are meeting other people who volunteer which means you're meeting people who enjoy giving of themselves without expecting things in return, who are compassionate, giving, care, are not selfish,...the quality of the person you meet in, for example, a SPCA rescue center, working with homeless people and shelters for women and children, especially this season giving toys and clothing to children, soup kitchen, volunteering working for veterans, habitat for humanity, donating time helping the elderly...Groom animals (we have mounted police and they're always looking for volunteers to care for the horses).

 

People can be so selfish thinking "I'm not interested in that stuff!" - but think beyond your own needs and think of others...you will meet other people who are givers in life. (You meet a woman in a bar, she's going to want to go out drinking every weekend and get smashed).

 

I don't know enough about dating sites, but OKCupid and Plenty of Fish and eHarmony and Match and Tinder...I think the TYPE of app you use will give at least a little inkling as to what "type" of person uses that app. That's why I think when you're not looking is when you end up finding that person you've been friendly with all this time and never bothered to give a second look.

 

I'll be facing the same issues, with a disadvantage you do not have, so from my perspective, you have a lot of wonderful options.

 

Never rule out libraries, and book stores, and something like Starbucks (I've met a lot of the same folks there and gotten into great conversations with them because I'm a regular and am just friendly,...I'm not flirting, just nice).

[Bantosm]

So what percent of the hundreds would you guess are fake, experiments, or not single? Is it at all a significant percentage? I doubt it. If it were, people would have wised up by now and stopped using them a long time ago, and the companies would have gone out of business. But that hasn't happened, OLD has come a de facto way of meeting people. A basic Google search will tell you that. In a way it's even more efficient than trying to meet people in person because you're not limited to only the people who happen to be at the same place at the same time.

 

I meet plenty of women online. I get a steady stream of messages weekly. The "fake" messages are easily detected and ignored, and might be 1 in 1000 at the most. Suggesting that because "fake" profiles exist, that there isn't an overwhelmingly more amount of real ones is dubious. It's like saying the 1919 World Series was fixed, therefore, most sports are fixed and you shouldn't watch them.

 

People here are literally suggesting all women aged 20-29 are taken. So all the women we've met on there (let alone seen), all the female posters here, and all the single women we know in real life are all part of some elaborate conspiracy? This is ridiculous, guys. Do some Googling.

If you're getting a 'stream of messages weekly' from online dating sites then great for you. For most, guys in particular that's not the case, just look on this site about people giving up on OLD because it's such hassle with very little reward. I'd say that most males and females between 20-29 are involved with at least one person.

[carhill]

OP, IMO much has to do with demographics but, accepting your experience to be true for your location my best advice is to broaden your horizons. The more and more varied your social interactions, the more women you are exposed to and the greater chance of one of them being single and interested in you.

 

When I was your age, decades ago, I went through the same thing but in reality it was my own fault. My peers were sexually active, getting married and having kids in their teens so by drinking age time, heh, pickin's were pretty slim. It improved somewhat as the early divorces happened 7-10 years later, late 20's in general, but those were a harbinger of future experiences where women never really came 'on the market' rather replaced their spouse while still legally married. I ended up in a few affairs because of that and not knowing the game. I had not yet perfected the skill of cutting a woman out of a marriage when she was ready to go so my male competitors who had those skills beat me out every time and, yup, a lot of them married those ladies. That goes back to demographics, supply and demand. Women were in demand. That's life.

 

IME, it wasn't until the then-new internet started adding something called online dating and I also had gained enough business success to start taking time to travel around the world that I started consistently running into pockets of single women. I ended up marrying the closest one, some sixty miles away.

 

Oh, finally now, after being around some six decades, the males are finally starting to die off orand the age-specific demographics are changing a bit, though the single women I run into now are often single by choice due to being cheated on or bad marriages or simply preferring freedom and a life without a man. Back when she was alive, my mother was the latter. My dad died when she was about my age now and she stated she'd 'had her man' and was done, and she was, living alone for nearly 30 years after. That kind of stuff isn't uncommon.

 

Good luck in your pursuits!

[Cookiesandough]

If you're getting a 'stream of messages weekly' from online dating sites then great for you. For most, guys in particular that's not the case, just look on this site about people giving up on OLD because it's such hassle with very little reward. I'd say that most males and females between 20-29 are involved with at least one person.

 

Well even if that were true and it probably depends on geographic, relationships dissolve all the time so a lot of them would end up in the sad bin that is OLD with the rest of us

[Mysterio]

make time to go to bars...if you're too busy to go to a bar and approach women, you're prob too busy to date

 

I would modify Cookie's advice and stick to clubs/pubs that have bands playing music. A Club where there is just dancing only, unless its salsa/tango/ballroom dancing. Its a wast of time. Good luck. It will be super loud and what do you talk about?

 

At least if there is a band. You can always use the band as a conduit to have a conversation with anyone.

[d0nnivain]

There are niche OLD sites for short people. Have you tried them?

[normal person]

If you're getting a 'stream of messages weekly' from online dating sites then great for you. For most, guys in particular that's not the case, just look on this site about people giving up on OLD because it's such hassle with very little reward.

 

You're referencing a contingent of people that are here only because they have problems. No one starts threads just to say everything is fine, because they don't have to. Look up stats regarding online dating. I think you'll find a large majority of people do it today and it leads to a large number of marriages (I think roughly a third of marriages now originate online). My single friends who use online dating are all successful with it (one of them met his wife through it), and the ones who don't are perpetually single. The only place I've ever heard of it being a "hassle" is here. All this makes me believe it's not the fault of the ap or the technology. If everyone else can figure it out but you can't, you need to reevaluate yourself and/or your strategy.

 

Also, you didn't answer the question. I asked you if you thought the percentage of profiles that were fake was at all significant. I don't think it is. Even if the percentage is 2% (and I doubt it's even that high), that's still nowhere near high enough to deter any reasonable person from using it.

 

I'd say that most males and females between 20-29 are involved with at least one person.

 

There are lot of people of that age trying to get together as the biological urge is pretty strong. But if you go on Tinder, Bumble, OKCupid, Match, etc, you will literally see a list of hundreds or thousands of people who are currently not involved with anyone else. If someone refuses to believe that, that's their problem. You don't have a valid argument.

[SoleMate]

Recommend you develop some hobbies that are female-dominated or at least balanced M/F. Cooking, culture, literature, arts, travel, crafting/making, antiquing, certain sports (hiking, tennis, yoga, sailing, salsa dancing, lawn bowling, skiing...) Probably varies by region.

Hobbies for adults on BuzzFeed Try out a new activity and look to see the ratio, and which of these new activities you enjoy. You have to be where women are to meet them. And the goal will not be to impress women, but to meet them and have fun together.

[Bantosm]

You're referencing a contingent of people that are here only because they have problems.

Only by your generalization, but if you're so successful with OLD then why are you on here? I suppose elsewhere on the web you believe people are mostly proclaiming that online dating is a wonderful and useful experience .

Also, you didn't answer the question. I asked you if you thought the percentage of profiles that were fake was at all significant. I don't think it is. Even if the percentage is 2% (and I doubt it's even that high), that's still nowhere near high enough to deter any reasonable person from using it.

What percentage should deter 'any reasonable person from using it'? If you Google: fake online dating profiles statistics it gives 10% as fake. I think that is just the tip of the iceberg. I'd say much higher. The people who I know that are active on OLD have multiple fake profiles.

There are lot of people of that age trying to get together as the biological urge is pretty strong. But if you go on Tinder, Bumble, OKCupid, Match, etc, you will literally see a list of hundreds or thousands of people who are currently not involved with anyone else. If someone refuses to believe that, that's their problem. You don't have a valid argument.

Do you believe everything strangers online tell you?

[normal person]

Only by your generalization, but if you're so successful with OLD then why are you on here?

 

I like to give advice and I think I'm pretty qualified to give it. Lots of posters thank me for it in the threads and in PMs. If you disagree with what I say or think my advice is bogus, that's fine. I always enjoy hearing counterarguments so I can help myself get to the truth about things.

 

I suppose elsewhere on the web you believe people are mostly proclaiming that online dating is a wonderful and useful experience .

 

No, the point was exactly the opposite: that no one starts threads to proclaim that they don't have any problems. You don't go to the hospital if you're healthy. But here you are walking into cardiology, seeing a bunch of people with heart problems, and therefore assuming all people must have heart problems.

 

https://www.forbes.com/sites/kevinmurnane/2016/03/02/pew-report-who-uses-mobile-dating-apps-and-online-dating-sites/#19eb7dad66e3

 

One-third of U.S. marriages start with online dating: study - NY Daily News

 

What percentage should deter 'any reasonable person from using it'? If you Google: fake online dating profiles statistics it gives 10% as fake. I think that is just the tip of the iceberg. I'd say much higher.

 

So even if it was 20%, could you not easily ignore the 2 out of every 10 messages from the obvious fakes and focus on the 8 real ones? Doesn't seem so hard. If I get an obviously fake message, I just ignore it and move on. One second of my life gone. Miraculously, my OLD experience has been unaffected by them.

 

The people who I know that are active on OLD have multiple fake profiles.

 

That's strange and I don't know why you would associate with anyone who does that. The fact that you do makes me question your judgment. I've met plenty of people off of OLD in real life. Only twice were they the least bit deceptive -- they used pictures of themselves before they gained weight. The other 99% of the time, the people were as advertised.

 

Do you believe everything strangers online tell you?

 

I believe my own experiences, those of people I trust, and reputable sources. Let me ask you this, if OLD is as bad as you say it is, how are the companies still in business and not exposed as frauds?

 

This is a ridiculous argument. OP, there's an internet full of single women. There are bound to be some out there who don't care how tall you are.

[Bantosm]

I like to give advice and I think I'm pretty qualified to give it. Lots of posters thank me for it in the threads and in PMs. If you disagree with what I say or think my advice is bogus, that's fine. I always enjoy hearing counterarguments so I can help myself get to the truth about things.

 

 

 

No, the point was exactly the opposite: that no one starts threads to proclaim that they don't have any problems. You don't go to the hospital if you're healthy. But here you are walking into cardiology, seeing a bunch of people with heart problems, and therefore assuming all people must have heart problems.

 

https://www.forbes.com/sites/kevinmurnane/2016/03/02/pew-report-who-uses-mobile-dating-apps-and-online-dating-sites/#19eb7dad66e3

 

One-third of U.S. marriages start with online dating: study - NY Daily News

 

 

 

So even if it was 20%, could you not easily ignore the 2 out of every 10 messages from the obvious fakes and focus on the 8 real ones? Doesn't seem so hard. If I get an obviously fake message, I just ignore it and move on. One second of my life gone. Miraculously, my OLD experience has been unaffected by them.

 

 

 

That's strange and I don't know why you would associate with anyone who does that. The fact that you do makes me question your judgment. I've met plenty of people off of OLD in real life. Only twice were they the least bit deceptive -- they used pictures of themselves before they gained weight. The other 99% of the time, the people were as advertised.

 

 

 

I believe my own experiences, those of people I trust, and reputable sources. Let me ask you this, if OLD is as bad as you say it is, how are the companies still in business and not exposed as frauds?

 

This is a ridiculous argument. OP, there's an internet full of single women. There are bound to be some out there who don't care how tall you are.

I'm not the OP. OLD is bad. In the Google search enter 'Online dating is' and see what listings are suggested. Those listings happen to be the most commonly searched phrases and no surprise most show OLD to be associated with a bad experience. Those listings give a much better picture than polls that are easily manipulated. Remember how all the polls had Hillary winning the election? OLD is big business and they can hire lawyers to cleverly write up small print to make it very difficult for one bring legal actions when they don't get the advertised results.