21 year old (formerly) virgin gf Has never masterbated

[stu1234]

Hi guys,

 

So I'm 25, my girlfriend is 21. We have been together a little over a year and I am one lucky guy. She's beautiful, blonde and was when we met a 20 year old virgin. So I hit the jackpot! Her mum is a ballache but she raised a respectful girl and I benefit from that so thanks to her for all

those parties she was never allowed to attend!

 

I'm only writing today because it's our sex life that is a little lacking in truth. Firstly, this girl has NEVER HAD AN ORGASM, we have had bad sex and good sex, any previous partner I have had this hasn't been a concern but with her it is tough. I want her to experience it but try not to apply too much pressure to it. However she has never masterbated before, never had a previously relationship and therefore she doesn't really know how to please herself. I've gone down on her several time, im over the moon to go down on a girl who's untouched and she's brilliant, I'm truly proud of her and willing to work at stuff but my concern is that sexually we are on different levels.

 

She doesn't touch me, she doesn't grab my little man, never had a hand job or blow job, I do stuff to her but it's not really reciprocated, so the problem is that when I am forward with her it's either accept or reject, but she doesn't instigate.

 

 

Anyway.... I recently told her that I was suppressing my own feelings, that I love her and I'm proud of her but in truth, I want to be touched as I would for her. At first she was angry but she understood the next day and we spoke and she said she would try and work on things and understand where I am coming from, however not much has changed thus far.... that said it's been a week and it is

My birthday Sunday.... so I won't jump the gun. I just would love for her to want to touch me or want to masterbate herself with or without me. I've suggested vibrators to help her climax but haven't actually brought one to the bedroom, perhaps I should try.

 

I was wondering I guess what advice could you all give me to try and encourage my girlfriend to do some of the above, firstly self madterbation would help her know what makes her tick, thus allowing me to do likewise. Secondly, is it wrong for me to think that this is not ever going to be a long term relationship if she is unwilling to do for me things I do for her? I feel so shallow to say it but I know really that it is mature to accept my wants for a relationship. She says she is nervous of judgement in regards to BJs. On occasion she's said she's been turned on by the idea but that has never transpired into her touching it. Am I mad to think

That I've been overly

Patient? I mean I am

Respectful

But the fact my girl

Hasn't touched it in a year... I play with her then we have sex... time after time and it doesn't seem fair really. I often tell her how stunning she is man she is a 10/10 I've plucked a low on confidence absolute gem and I always try to fill her with confidence and shower her with gifts.

 

Does anyone have any kind of video for women that would encourage things such as masterbation, something that may make her realise it is normal to masterbate and healthy even....

 

I'm kind of just rambling here I haven't articulated my self the best. I fully understand if answers are basically accept her for her or move on. I was hoping maybe there may be some way to encourage her. I appreciate all women are different but if there was a way to get her to experiment with her body it'd certainly help our relationship.

 

I should add, I was previously cheated on in a 2/3 year relationship and I gotta say, one thing I truly love about this girl is how much I respect her. She is loyal, she talks about my nan and gramp being married 50 years she says she wants that, she doesn't go to town but is still fun, has her own money and car and stuff the girl is clearly a good girl. I guess with loyalty as a trait I admire, she can be forgiven for any sexual failings but I just worry if I will resent her over time for her not being willing to adapt or do for me what I do for her.

 

Thanks for your time, please try to be constructive honestly I'm not a

Pig I've been good and always honest with her just looking for helpful advice and I'll try to respond positively. Didn't know what to name it, went with virgin comment with theory that word attracts more

Views and therefore responses. It is true tho, I've found a 21 year old

Who's only ever kissed a guy. I love that.

[d0nnivain]

This is the downside to dating a virgin (or in your case a previous virgin). She has no idea what she's doing. This "ballache" of her mother who raised your GF to be respectful made her sexually repressed. You can't undo that quickly.

 

You can talk to your GF about your desires but you can't push. She is inexperienced & she needs to go at her own pace. Ask Qs about would she like to try . . . but be very respectful of her answers. If you must, suggest that you two read a book like The Joy of Sex together. It's more clinical then you think but it has illustrations. The medical facts -- as opposed to the pure sex -- may make it less intimidating.

 

Your GF is not going to instigate for a very long time -- think years. If you can't be patient you will lose this woman you describe as perfect. You haven't been overly patient. You haven't been patient enough. Dial it back.

 

You probably will grow to resent her not because she is doing anything wrong but because you have this mixed up idea that any virgin willing to give it up to you is suddenly going to transform into the hottest porn vixen simply because you deflowered her. Doesn't work that way.

 

There are no videos that will make this better. You pushing her & being demanding fuels her insecurities. She already feels inadequate because you have had sexual partners before. When you ask for a BJ -- something she has no idea how to perform -- you make her more self conscious & therefore less willing to try. You need to find a way to be more reassuring. Explain that whenever & however she touches you it's all good & you enjoy it. She needs to build her confidence & she can't do that with you nagging her.

 

Try celebrating all the other good qualities that she has which you enjoy: her conversational skills, her loyalty, her purity, her beauty, her financial independence.

[cocorico]

She says she is nervous of judgement in regards to BJs. On occasion she's said she's been turned on by the idea but that has never transpired into her touching it.

 

That’s probably at the heart of it. She feels nervougo there because she don’t now where to start. Why not show her, gently? Next time you’re making out, gently take her hand and place it on you, hold her hand as you move hers up and down on you, etc. When she’s ready to try, suggest she takes you in her mouth. No pressure, just add a few new tricks each time. Let her find out what gets you going, and hopefully she’ll start to explore what gets her going, too.

[knabe]

She's 21. And you are her first. What did you expect - Debbie Does Dallas? I enjoyed sex, but I didn't have my first orgasm from sex until my 30's.

 

Surely there is a subtle way to "guide" her by letting her know when something feels good. Seems to me your expectations and pressure are a bit much.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Why do you keep saying you're "proud of her?"

[sandylee1]

I was your GF at 19 with my first BF. I was very inexperienced, hadn't a clue what masturbation was.

[RecentChange]

Annnnnnd this is why I don't understand why virgins are such a prize to some guys.

 

So, you have a girl who puts a very low priority on sex, has been raised to be prude, probably has hang ups when it comes to masturbating and sexual pleasure, has no idea how to pleasure herself let alone you.

 

Someone who has made it this long without exploring their own freaking body probably isn't too greedy to start. She has been taught it's bad. Often these women get taught sex is for the man, with no comprehension of what they are missing out on.

 

Well, you are proud of your untouched virgin - you should accept her as she is. From the sounds of it pretty frigid.

 

She has to want to masturbate because SHE wants to, not because you want her to. And to get there, well you have 20 years of teaching about being a "good girl" to unravel.

 

Maybe it's because an old male friend confided in me about how desperate he is growing in his marriage - loves his wife, she too was a virgin raised by a strict mother - sex was never great (she is totally inhibited), and now after many years of marriage.... All sex and intimacy is gone.

 

Be cautious, make sure you don't get her pregnant. Maybe she will turn some corner and magically become a wild cat.... Or maybe she will remain largely disinterested in sex.

[knabe]

Annnnnnd this is why I don't understand why virgins are such a prize to some guys.

 

So, you have a girl who puts a very low priority on sex, has been raised to be prude, probably has hang ups when it comes to masturbating and sexual pleasure, has no idea how to pleasure herself let alone you.

 

Someone who has made it this long without exploring their own freaking body probably isn't too greedy to start. She has been taught it's bad. Often these women get taught sex is for the man, with no comprehension of what they are missing out on.

 

Well, you are proud of your untouched virgin - you should accept her as she is. From the sounds of it pretty frigid.

 

She has to want to masturbate because SHE wants to, not because you want her to. And to get there, well you have 20 years of teaching about being a "good girl" to unravel.

 

Maybe it's because an old male friend confided in me about how desperate he is growing in his marriage - loves his wife, she too was a virgin raised by a strict mother - sex was never great (she is totally inhibited), and now after many years of marriage.... All sex and intimacy is gone.

 

Be cautious, make sure you don't get her pregnant. Maybe she will turn some corner and magically become a wild cat.... Or maybe she will remain largely disinterested in sex.[/quote

 

Wow....offensive much.

 

OP, I was a virgin till my wedding night and I was raring to go. All I needed was an experienced hand lol. And yes, I grew up very religious. We aren't all prudes with hangups.

[RecentChange]

The OP posted the same thing 6 months ago.....

 

She doesn't exactly sound raring to go.... She still won't masturbate and still won't touch his penis unless he places her hand on it.

 

Sorry you are offended, but in no way did I say that All religious virgins have hang ups that prevent them from enjoying sex.... But many do.

 

Curious - did you masturbate? Do you think masturbating is an acceptable practice? Do you attempt to pleasure your partner? These are things this girl appears unwilling to participate in.

 

6 months no progress.... You were raring to go on your wedding night. Seems a bit different.

[basil67]

Your description sounds like she's not actually enjoying this. While I have no doubt you've got her consent to fool around, I can't help but wonder if she's allowing you to do this because she feels it's expected. Not because she actually wants to.

[Springsummer]

If she is physically normal, I think the explanation is that she is not that into you.

[sandylee1]

 

 

[/quote

 

Wow....offensive much.

 

I thought the same actually.

 

It's not about thinking self pleasure is bad .... I just didn't know it existed per se.

 

She's probably quite shy.

[Tribble]

Annnnnnd this is why I don't understand why virgins are such a prize to some guys.

 

So, you have a girl who puts a very low priority on sex, has been raised to be prude, probably has hang ups when it comes to masturbating and sexual pleasure, has no idea how to pleasure herself let alone you.

 

Someone who has made it this long without exploring their own freaking body probably isn't too greedy to start. She has been taught it's bad. Often these women get taught sex is for the man, with no comprehension of what they are missing out on.

 

Well, you are proud of your untouched virgin - you should accept her as she is. From the sounds of it pretty frigid.

 

She has to want to masturbate because SHE wants to, not because you want her to. And to get there, well you have 20 years of teaching about being a "good girl" to unravel.

 

Maybe it's because an old male friend confided in me about how desperate he is growing in his marriage - loves his wife, she too was a virgin raised by a strict mother - sex was never great (she is totally inhibited), and now after many years of marriage.... All sex and intimacy is gone.

 

Be cautious, make sure you don't get her pregnant. Maybe she will turn some corner and magically become a wild cat.... Or maybe she will remain largely disinterested in sex.

 

I understand why people are offended by this, but I don't think it was RCs intention.

 

I was a late bloomer (lost my virginity at 25, and I shouldn't have done it then) and I was very religious when younger. Sex was one of those things that was meant to be saved for marriage and I did get this negative view of it drummed into me from a young age. That can be very difficult to overcome.

 

When I meant my ex, we had sex fairly quickly (I'm not religious at all anymore). I wanted to try out what I had been missing. But I had no idea what I was doing and I wasn't very good. I'm still not that good, as I haven't had the opportunity to practice much. But the important thing is, I am willing to try and willing to learn. Although I am relatively inexperienced, very little is completely off the table and is up for discussion. Not to say it will happen, but we can discuss it. It will probably not happen right away and I need to work up to new things and become confident, but I will try.

 

The problem is, this isn't OPs gf. She isn't trying. She isn't doing small things to move to a more comfortable situation. I was eager to learn, I wanted to please my partner and learn more about my desires in the process. She doesn't seem bothered. Sex isn't important to her. That's not wrong but you need to decide how important it is to you. The last thing you want to breed is resentment.

[knabe]

The OP posted the same thing 6 months ago.....

 

She doesn't exactly sound raring to go.... She still won't masturbate and still won't touch his penis unless he places her hand on it.

 

Sorry you are offended, but in no way did I say that All religious virgins have hang ups that prevent them from enjoying sex.... But many do.

 

Curious - did you masturbate? Do you think masturbating is an acceptable practice? Do you attempt to pleasure your partner? These are things this girl appears unwilling to participate in.

 

6 months no progress.... You were raring to go on your wedding night. Seems a bit different.

 

I never masturbated at all until my marriage became sexless. I didn't really KNOW how to pleasure a man except kissing and tentative touching. After I had been married about a year, I started wondering what it would be like to kiss him "down there," and eventually I asked to. I was shy about where I did things and what I did because I didn't know what was "good" or "bad." It wasn't until I was so desperate from my sexless marriage that I got the idea to buy some of those Glamour type magazines that had headlines like "Rock your man's world tonight!"

 

It was simple ignorance plus lack of confidence. The difference is that my then husband was very LD, so he wasn't pushing me or frustrated. I am not sure if him being disappointed in me would have made it better or worse. Honestly, even with my high drive, knowing I wasn't "good enough" for him probably would have made me MORE tentative.

[RecentChange]

Kinda proves my point that not for ALL, no I am sure it's far from it.....

 

But what you are describing with your ex, knabe sounds like a inhibited and difficult sex life.

 

I wasn't raised religiously or taught abstinence - but rather in a sex positive environment, where safe sex was the Creed and open access to condoms and a copy of The Joy of Sex.

 

I always found TALKING and communicating to my partner about sex easy to do - which leads to great sex. After all, it's basically the ultimate form of non communication. If you're too shy to talk about it, or have been not taught to not prioritize your sexual needs it can be difficult to get there.

[knabe]

Kinda proves my point that not for ALL, no I am sure it's far from it.....

 

But what you are describing with your ex, knabe sounds like a inhibited and difficult sex life.

 

I wasn't raised religiously or taught abstinence - but rather in a sex positive environment, where safe sex was the Creed and open access to condoms and a copy of The Joy of Sex.

 

I always found TALKING and communicating to my partner about sex easy to do - which leads to great sex. After all, it's basically the ultimate form of non communication. If you're too shy to talk about it, or have been not taught to not prioritize your sexual needs it can be difficult to get there.

 

Yes, my parents had an active and happy sex life, and I never viewed sex itself as bad, just something reserved for marriage. I was soooo looking forward to having sex once I was married and it was "legal" lol. I will say that the religious strictness probably masked my husband's problems, which was not a good thing. I just assumed he was really devout.

[spiderowl]

I think if she enjoyed sex and the sensations involved, she would also want to masturbate. If she hasn't done this before now, it suggests she does not have much of a drive. Do you find she has a drive when you both have sex? Is she enjoying it?

 

I had quite a strict and puritanical background. Although I was very inhibited at first, my partner was very encouraging and did not pressure me. Even though I was inhibited, I knew that lovemaking should be a two-way thing. I could not expect him to be the one giving all the time. She must realise this. I think you have probably given sufficient hints that you would like more. What happens if you suggest anything? What does she say?

 

It is hard for anyone to escape the immense information around about sex these days. She would have to be deliberately blinkered to miss this.

 

Another thought is that you say you are proud of her for being a virgin and being untouched. It obviously matters to you. She could be like that because she values virginity, does not have much drive, does not like sex or is really inhibited about it. I don't know whether you convey to her how proud you are of her previous chastity, but has it occurred to you that you might be indirectly praising her for holding back and being 'pure'. If you want her to be less pure with you, you need to start praising her for being fun and exciting rather than pure.

 

One way to encourage her would be show obvious pleasure when she does something you like. Praise her and tell her she feels great, is really exciting, etc. She will realise she is able to give pleasure to you. She may find she enjoys doing this. If she continues to ignore hints, I am not sure what you could do, but perhaps you ought to consider whether you want to stay in a one-way relationship.

Edited September 28, 2017 by spiderowl

[elaine567]

Do not get too caught up in the "purity" as that is obviously NOT what you want and need in a relationship going forward.

If you have not managed to rev her engine in a whole year, I very much doubt she really wants to do the stuff you want her to do for you.

YOU are not asking for anything abnormal, painful or kinky, so I feel you may have just found yourself a starfish "wife".

[sandylee1]

It wasn't until I broke up with my first BF, that I realised I could actually pleasure myself. Initially I wanted to end the relationship, but I knew I'd miss the sex.

 

So we tried to continue a surely sexual relationship.... which in the end I didn't think was fair for him.

 

So I ended it then and realised that whilst I couldn't have the oral pleasure.... I could use my hands.