How Can A Woman Ward Off A Boyfriend/husband Poacher?

[user1]

I once read this article about boyfriend/husband poachers...you know, the biotches that go after your partner with complete disregard for your relationship. I'm sure many of you know these type of women who lack all sense of decency and self respect, and give the women gender a bad name!

 

The problem is, even if the boyfriend/husband does not respond to the poacher's advances, the poacher continues her advances.

 

It would seem that often times, the girlfriend/wife is than blamed for being: insecure, demanding, clingy, jealous, etc. etc. heard all the feces before...

 

Stuff that Infidelity is made of....

 

I would like some ideas from strong women and men out there: HOW CAN A WOMAN WARD OFF A BOYFRIEND/HUSBAND POACHER? without resorting to calling the poacher up and bitching her out...that always always back fires one way or another. I can go on and on about how that backfires.

 

(Remember, poachers have no sense of decency. I don't believe the bull crap that these poachers have more self esteem and respect in that she feels confident enough to go after someone else's partner and disrupt their lives. This behavior is not confidence, but reeks of disrespect, and is ofcourse not limited exclusively to women).

 

Would like to hear your suggestions, what worked for you, what didn't work.

 

I'll start: do not bitch the woman out, because this only encourages her to double her efforts to poach your boyfriend/husband even more: you know, he becomes even more attractive to the poacher, since you are fighting to keep him.

 

Telling your boyfriend/husband to tell her to back off doesn't always work, because some men, (some!) really like the attention or don't want to embarrass themselves by "putting the poacher off"--you know, if you don't respond psycho bitch will go away...total crap.

 

Please share!

[erika2610]

Originally posted by loveshock

I once read this article about boyfriend/husband poachers...you know, the biotches that go after your partner with complete disregard for your relationship. I'm sure many of you know these type of women who lack all sense of decency and self respect, and give the women gender a bad name!

 

The problem is, even if the boyfriend/husband does not respond to the poacher's advances, the poacher continues her advances.

 

It would seem that often times, the girlfriend/wife is than blamed for being: insecure, demanding, clingy, jealous, etc. etc. heard all the feces before...

 

Stuff that Infidelity is made of....

 

I would like some ideas from strong women and men out there: HOW CAN A WOMAN WARD OFF A BOYFRIEND/HUSBAND POACHER? without resorting to calling the poacher up and bitching her out...that always always back fires one way or another. I can go on and on about how that backfires.

 

(Remember, poachers have no sense of decency. I don't believe the bull crap that these poachers have more self esteem and respect in that she feels confident enough to go after someone else's partner and disrupt their lives. This behavior is not confidence, but reeks of disrespect, and is ofcourse not limited exclusively to women).

 

Would like to hear your suggestions, what worked for you, what didn't work.

 

I'll start: do not bitch the woman out, because this only encourages her to double her efforts to poach your boyfriend/husband even more: you know, he becomes even more attractive to the poacher, since you are fighting to keep him.

 

Telling your boyfriend/husband to tell her to back off doesn't always work, because some men, (some!) really like the attention or don't want to embarrass themselves by "putting the poacher off"--you know, if you don't respond psycho bitch will go away...total crap.

 

Please share!

 

I've never heard of a husband 'poacher'. What if you H goes after another woman?

[Zaira]

I think it all comes down to the man telling her to rack off. If he can't do that, then he's not worth staying with.

[Bunnylove]

Here here!

 

I belive these women do exist, personal experience. But it all comes down to the man your with to respect your relationship enough to not get himself into situations that can be tempting to him. I also belive its bull**** for the man to blame difficulties in the relationship if he DOES go ahead and give in to her. Relationships always have ups and downs and these women tend to hang about untill a crises occurs and then make thier move on your partner while the relationship is in a vunerable place. If the guy cannot trust himself to be strong and say no then he should make it very clear to the 'poacher' that he is not interested and wants to be left alone. If you feel that your boyf/husband is just going to go with the flow/lap up the attension then I believe he WILL let situations occur where he could be tempted into cheating.

 

These women DONT have respect for the relationship and are just out for the challange and to get what they want! I don't think it would be that productive to go frontin her about it. Instead its best to have good communication with your partener and to find out what he thinks about it all. Keep working on making the relationship strong and make it clear to your partner that you are not comfortable having the woman hanging around him. Be mature and communicative about it at all times with your partner. He will respect you and the relationship more and hopfully put in the work to keep his loved one feeling happy and safe!

 

oh and another tip: It can be fun to be all over your partner while she is around showing her that you got what she wants and she aint getting it...haha...also your partner will love the extra attension and will be less likey to feel sexually charged around her when he is already exhausted by the sexy sessions he has been having with his partner

[A Fly onThe Wall]

I've always thought that given the right circumstances almost all women will poach a guy reagrdless of the relationship..

 

Survival of the fittest...

 

I think it also works in the reverse roles as well.. meaning guys will do tho same.

 

 

Just show your guy that you love him .. You can't stop the poachers..

[LucreziaBorgia]

While not all 'OW' fall into that 'poacher' category, there are some vicious sexual predators out there who will go after someone simply because they can and they choose a challenging (ie: taken) person as an ego boost and a subconscious desire to lash out at the 'BS' in an attempt to 'punish' them for having the qualities that they themselves lack.

 

The predator pursues what she feels she wants for herself: the type of relationship she thinks that the man and his current partner have. Along with this is the desire to prove to herself that the type of love she wants does not really exist - she proves this to herself by going after and sabotaging what she thinks are stable relationships. She will pursue, offer sexual delights that he will be wowed by, she listen to him carefully and like a chameleon fit herself into what she thinks the man's partner is lacking and become his 'missing puzzle piece'. The man will think he has found his soul mate, because she will manufacture and present herself as a personalized mirror for him based on everything she picks up from him. She goes for the ego, and feeds it. He takes the bait, and the poacher has won a bitter victory.

 

She has 'proven' to herself that she is more "desirable" than the BS, and at the same time takes a grim glee in knowing that she was stronger than the love that the man and his BS shared, and also takes note that the type of love she wants for herself does not, and cannot exist if the type of love she thinks she wants can be broken so easily by a predator like herself. She can't love a man who would love someone like her, so the man she goes after is just a means to an end and she soon moves on to the next one.

 

She is the type who hates and resents the BS for being the type that a man marries, while she herself is the type that can only expect furtive groping and guilty sex. She builds these self-fulfilling prophecies out of self-hatred and a sense that she deserves some sort of punishment. She lashes out blindly at the BS because she wants to be her, but isn't. So... she goes after her man. It accomplishes a variety of things for the predatory type.

 

Now, like I said - a good deal of OW do not fit this sad category. A lot of them are assumed to, but they aren't. They are people who fell in love just like anyone else, only unfortunately the person they fell in love with happened to be only partially available. I feel bad for the OW who find themselves in this situation, but I don't feel bad for the predator types. Frankly, those types scare me. I knew one personally. She was a real piece of work.

 

How to resist? A man has to have an iron will to resist and an especially sensitive and well-tuned bullsh*t detector. The predator types can be very hard to resist when they come on so strong. How can you ward it off? You can't really - since in many ways you are the target. Any resistance will just ramp up her efforts. All you can do is stand strong with your man and fight her off together.

[Concern]

I have dealt with many poachers so I can definitely say they're out there. And the sad thing is they're increasing in number every day. The truth is our society does not promote monogamy, with the media promoting the images of "players" as someone attractive and confident. These days young women and men don't respect relationships, they see it more of a conquest, a physical act versus commitment. We also promote an "entitlement" mentality in people that they believe the end justifies the means. It really comes down to what kind of man/woman you're in the relationship with. Are you with a cheater or not? Everyone encounters temptation at some point in their relationship, so it's ultimately your partner's decision to allow the poachers to come between your relationship or not.

 

Usually the poachers I encounter come in the form of ex-girlfriends or female friends. Ladies, you know what I'm talking about. That one ex of his that really didn't want the relationship to end and always sees herself getting back together with him. She just waits in the shadow until your relationship hits any type of low and then she pounces. You know the one who emails him once a month just to say hi and see if he's really happy with you, acting all concerned about his well being while really keeping tabs on you.

 

The other less known but fairly common poacher is the single female friends he's had before you two start dating. Before he got you, they were just pals. He may even lust after her while single. But as soon as you two start dating seriously, she suddenly realize he's the man she's been looking for. Then she start telling him things she didn't like about you, things that you're doing wrong, how you're not good for him. As since she's using the friend angle, most men aren't aware of what she's doing because he's thinking she's got his back. All of the sudden she starts showing up dressing ultra sexy, being very touchy feely with him, even occasionally sitting on his lap "jokingly". And when all the damage is done, she will announce that "they" really make a better couple, it makes sense since they've been friends already. Next thing you know, you're out of a boyfriend and you got a bad rep with his circle of friends as the "insecure, jealous, bad girlfriend".

 

Needless to say, if your man/woman succombs to the poachers or in any way encourage them, you should start thinking about getting yourself another one. There really is no way to ward off poachers, you can only rely on your other half to put them in their place. If they don't, then you know how much you're worth in his eyes.

[onlyhuman]

Completely up to your man to ward off the beast!

As in another post I had a neighbour who was relentless.Your partner just has to say in no uncertain terms he has no interest in anyone else , that is why he is in a relationship.If she is brutal than more colourfull terms may be used.

I agree with Concern on the reasons for the increasing numbers of these people.

[Horse]

I think a lot of people may not want to agree with this, but here's my take.

 

Keep yer man happy! Yes, it is ultimately up to him, but the more reasons you give him to value your relationship the more likely he is to stay faithful.

 

 

In my personal experience, I don't even look at other women (much) when I am happy in my relationship.

 

When my wife is neglecting me, or irritable, or when I haven't had sex for a few weeks my eyes and attention wander more and I feel that I am more vulnerable.

[EnigmaXOXO]

How Can A Woman Ward Off A Boyfriend/husband Poacher?

 

You can't.

 

The responsibility falls to the person being approached. Unless they're an absolute nutcase, no one will continue to pursue (and/or stalk) someone who clearly isn't open to their advances. That's what restraining orders are for.

 

If your guy (or gal) succumbs to outside temptations (for whatever self-serving reasons), then the fault rests solely with them.

 

do not bitch the woman out, because this only encourages her to double her efforts to poach your boyfriend/husband even more: you know, he becomes even more attractive to the poacher, since you are fighting to keep him.

 

Personally, I would not "fight" to keep anybody. If the person I was with was even somewhat torn between myself and another, I would make that decision for them by removing myself from the equation. I would never, ever knowingly 'compete' for someone's heart. If it weren't given freely, fully, and absolutely… it wouldn't be a consolation prize worth having.

[New_Wife]

Originally posted by Concern

Usually the poachers I encounter come in the form of ex-girlfriends or female friends. Ladies, you know what I'm talking about. That one ex of his that really didn't want the relationship to end and always sees herself getting back together with him. She just waits in the shadow until your relationship hits any type of low and then she pounces. You know the one who emails him once a month just to say hi and see if he's really happy with you, acting all concerned about his well being while really keeping tabs on you.

 

We have one of these! Worse, after she set us up, she b1tched me out for getting together with him because he was her "fallback guy". No, I am not kidding, she actually told me that in an email - then she pitched a holy fit when we (me, husb, her husb and her) were all out one night because he and I were kissing.

 

When she started calling again, I simply told him that I wasn't comfortable having her in our lives because of her last behavior. I told him that it made me nervous because I felt like she would always be trying to sabotage things and I didn't have the time or energy for that. So, he told her not to call again, that he wished her and her family the best, but didn't want anything to do with her anymore.

 

I already trusted him - but that made me feel on top of the world. Needless to say, he didn't go without a BJ for some time after that. Hey, positive reinforcement, right?