Cancels third date after 2 great dates?

[Yhs100]

Hi there,

 

I'm a 23 year old gay guy about to finish med school and I decided now is the time to start a relationship and committ after the hectic years of med school (in which i was very lonely and under constant stress). Anyway, I met this guy on a dating app and we had a nice conversation and he invited me out for a coffee. For the First date I was expecting to stay for 1 hours or 2 max, we ended up talking non stop for 4 hours that we actually forgot to buy coffee, and we also went for dinner afterwards (he invited me). Many shared interests, and I felt that we really clicked. By the end of the day i dropped him off at his place and we hugged and agreed to meet again, and he texted me later saying he really enjoyed our convo.

 

Few days later, I took him out to the theater cuz we both love theater so much, and we ended up holding hands in there, and there was an announcement for a Julius Caesar play by the end of October so he turned to me and was like "we're watching that together", and we ended up talking about movies and deciding which movies we'll watch together. So far so good.

 

On the way back to his place he said: "I have to tell you this, I don't think i want a relationship now because I want to focus on my studies and my GPA (he is in college too and still has 3 years to graduate, but not studying medicine), but I like this and enjoy spending time with you so let's keep doing it". I was disappointed but told him it's fine, and to prioritize his studies, but that I'm looking for something serious right now. Somehow we ended up talking about each others and how smart and great the other person is, and he held my hand while we were in the car and kissed it, and I did the same, and he was like: "you know what maybe I can be in a relationship" but I told him he's making a decision now based on the nice things we told each others and that he should sleep on it and think about it with his mind instead of his heart (tbh I don't want to get into something that makes me think it will lead up to becoming serious while it won't).

 

After i left he texted me thanking me for "an awesome date", and I told him I enjoyed it as well and said "hope to see you soon again", and he replied "you will see me again :)"

 

That was about 10 days ago. Since then we've texted every 2-3 days, but very brief convos cuz we both are busy students. He had assessments this week, so I invited him out for next weekend when he's done and he said yes, and all was good until yesterday.

 

Yesterday he called and I thought it's so that we plan next Saturday, and we spoke a bit until he was like: "so this Friday I have plans with friends, and on Sunday I'm meeting a friend before he travels" so I was like "it's fine Saturday is perfect for me if you wanna go to the movies" and this is when I was a bit surprised to hear him saying: "but I need to study on that day", so he was canceling the date. I told him it's fine and it's okay, and then he said "but i'm free next week", and honestly I was a bit upset and said "oh let's not plan now for next week cuz i have a hectic week next week and not sure i'll be free and it's a bit premature to plan now, let's talk later". I don't have a hectic week next week but I said that because i was really upset. He obviously had time for his friends (whom he sees all the time) on Friday and Sunday, but no time for me on Saturday. That tells me something. The way I see it if a guy wants to hang out he will make sure he makes time for it, especially that it would be 2 weeks since we last met which is a long time.

 

What should be my next move? Should I talk to him and schedule a date next week or wait for him to do that? Should I move on and date someone else because this guy is not serious or because he cancelled and that tells me he's not that into me? I really like him but I don't want to be in a short term thing now, and I feel like he keeps giving me mixed signals. Once he says he doesn't want a relationship, next thing he's kissing hands, then tells me I will see him again then suddenly cancels date because he has to study but still can find time for his friends. It's confusing and upsetting. What should I do? Move on or talk to him or wait for him to talk to me or what?

 

Would appreciate your advice.

[d0nnivain]

You should find somebody else to date. He told you studies are a priority & that he doesn't want a relationship. Now he's throwing up roadblocks. Nobody who is interested tells a woman he is going to study on Saturday night

[Miss Spider]

He knows you want different things/is not as keen as you are, so he is backing off. That is good because if it continued I think it would lead to hurt and wasted time/energy. Find someone who wants what you want. Find someone enthusiastic about pursuing a relationship with you.

[Yhs100]

You should find somebody else to date. He told you studies are a priority & that he doesn't want a relationship. Now he's throwing up roadblocks. Nobody who is interested tells a woman he is going to study on Saturday night

 

That's what the louder voice in my head is telling me. But there in another voice questioning why he, after he said that, still held my hands and kissed on the cheek. I mean, for me holding hands is too intimate. But I guess you are right.

[Yhs100]

He knows you want different things/is not as keen as you are, so he is backing off. That is good because if it continued I think it would lead to hurt and wasted time/energy. Find someone who wants what you want. Find someone enthusiastic about pursuing a relationship with you.

 

I guess I needed to hear that because it makes sense but I was trying to be in denial as i'm really into him (and I think he likes me as well. He just wants different things as you said). Anyway, time to move on then.

[d0nnivain]

yhs100

 

Sorry about the gender misidentification. I initially missed the fact that you are gay. That's what I get for skimming.

 

I can see where you'd be hurt by his behavior since hand holding is intimate for you.

 

Dating can suck sometimes.

 

Do try to put a little more balance into your study life. School comes first but you have to have some fun.

 

Best wishes with your studies. Your compassion & introspection will make you a fine doctor.

[Yhs100]

yhs100

 

Sorry about the gender misidentification. I initially missed the fact that you are gay. That's what I get for skimming.

 

I can see where you'd be hurt by his behavior since hand holding is intimate for you.

 

Dating can suck sometimes.

 

Do try to put a little more balance into your study life. School comes first but you have to have some fun.

 

Best wishes with your studies. Your compassion & introspection will make you a fine doctor.

 

That's alright don't worry about it. I guess it's my fault as I just realized I wrote an awfully long and tedious post.

 

I'll try to. So far the balance in my life has been way off. But i'm graduating this year and realized my mistake and starting to change things. I guess better late than never.

 

And thanks for the wishes =) I hope so.

[Yhs100]

ok so I know it's been a while but I didn't want to create another thread so i'm just gonna post a reply here.

 

After he called me last Tuesday and cancelled our 3rd date (which was supposed to be happening last Saturday), we didn't talk again. No calls and no texts, and I was moving on and believed it to be over. However, today I surprisingly got a call from him as he wanted to "check up on me". We talked a bit about how our week is going, and hung up after 6 minutes without really talking about meeting or anything. I don't understand what this call means. Is he still interested? Is he not? Should I call him again in few days and see if he'd be willing to go out? Should I ignore it and keep moving on? I don't want to be in this confused position. I wanna date and see where it's going slowly, and hopefully it turns into something serious if all goes well. But I don't want to stay hanging and not knowing where I stand, and not knowing if there is still a chance or I should just move on and forget about it? And i definitely don't want to stay as a "friend" because that's just gonna end up hurting me at the end (I know myself).

 

What do you guys think?

[smackie9]

He sounds like a player....you know saying all the things you want to hear, keeping you hooked by calling you out of the blue. It not always about sex with a player, some like to "collect" people, and have them on reserve. I feel he has done this with you. An interested man wouldn't let anything get in the way of see you again am I right? I get it, it felt so right, and to have that yanked from underneath you is confusing. I can see it's already hurting at the prospect of cutting him off completely, but I think it would be for the best to, for your own sake. What do you think? What does your gut tell you? Think about this....why is he on a dating app if he is too busy to date someone?

 

 

IMO there are plenty of nice men out there that want what you want. You will find him

Edited October 2, 2017 by smackie9

[knabe]

Sounds like he wants to drop you just enough crumbs to keep you on backup. You don't want that - you deserve more.

[Yhs100]

He sounds like a player....you know saying all the things you want to hear, keeping you hooked by calling you out of the blue. It not always about sex with a player, some like to "collect" people, and have them on reserve. I feel he has done this with you. An interested man wouldn't let anything get in the way of see you again am I right? I get it, it felt so right, and to have that yanked from underneath you is confusing. I can see it's already hurting at the prospect of cutting him off completely, but I think it would be for the best to, for your own sake. What do you think? What does your gut tell you? Think about this....why is he on a dating app if he is too busy to date someone?

 

 

IMO there are plenty of nice men out there that want what you want. You will find him

 

you are right, definitely. But you asked about my gut feeling, and it tells me I really should give this thing one more chance. Maybe one more date and see how it goes afterwards. Do you think this is wise decision? And to be fair to him, I met him on Grindr and while officialy it's a dating app, many guys on Grindr are just there for hookups (which sounds even worse now that I think about it!).

 

It's too damn difficult to find a man where I live because of the strict conservative anti-gay stupid mentality. So yeah, it's not exactly that easy /=

[Yhs100]

Sounds like he wants to drop you just enough crumbs to keep you on backup. You don't want that - you deserve more.

 

True. It does sound like that ? And I do, but something deep inside tells me I should give it one more chance.

[olivetree]

True. It does sound like that And I do, but something deep inside tells me I should give it one more chance.

 

Since he cancelled your date, it's up to him to ask you out again, which he hasn't done.

If he were truly interested, he would have rescheduled at the same time he cancelled.

Let this go and find someone who is really into you.

[Yhs100]

Since he cancelled your date, it's up to him to ask you out again, which he hasn't done.

If he were truly interested, he would have rescheduled at the same time he cancelled.

Let this go and find someone who is really into you.

 

okay you're right.