Love him, but I want babies...

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

It’s not. What he wants is what’s driving this. I’ve never wanted to make him do things he doesn’t want to. That’s not fair to him or my little baby.

 

This makes absolutely no sense. If you're going to leave him anyway (if you have the abortion), just have the baby and let him sign away his rights.

[BaileyB]

This makes absolutely no sense. If you're going to leave him anyway (if you have the abortion), just have the baby and let him sign away his rights.

 

Absolutely. I mean, do what you want to do... I have no opinion and it doesn't matter to me - but your logic with this is really distorted. Allowing him to make a decision that will change the course of your life and then leaving him anyway... Well, that makes no sense at all...

 

IMHO, allowing him to make this decision stems from guilt. And that, is not a good way to make such an important decision.

 

He made his bed when he decided to have sex with you without a condom. YOU have done nothing wrong here.

Edited October 29, 2017 by BaileyB

[Miss blue.]

I know his mom will want a relationship and that just not feasible. I know that would just create drama, which is one reason why I suggested it.

 

I hope with all my heart he says we can stay together and have our baby, but I have the feeling he won’t.

[BaileyB]

Not to cause more pain, only to encourage you to consider all options -

 

Nine months from now, when your baby would be due and you are sitting alone in an apartment somewhere... How is that going to feel? How will you cope with that moment? Will you regret this decision?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I know his mom will want a relationship and that just not feasible. I know that would just create drama, which is one reason why I suggested it.

 

I hope with all my heart he says we can stay together and have our baby, but I have the feeling he won’t.

 

So what if it does? Most people's lives are not completely drama free.

[Mittens]

If any husband had ever taken a condom off mid sex, I would have taken the morning after pill as soon as I bloody could. Don't act as if you are some complete innocent in all this. I wouldn't have even been having sex with my husband in your situation.

[Els]

If any husband had ever taken a condom off mid sex, I would have taken the morning after pill as soon as I bloody could. Don't act as if you are some complete innocent in all this. I wouldn't have even been having sex with my husband in your situation.

 

So let me get this straight... You're saying that the OP should have told her husband that sex is off the table because HE doesn't want a baby?

 

Yes, they were both jointly responsible for the pregnancy. That's not the same thing as her manipulating him into getting her pregnant.

[Timshel]

It doesn't matter what strangers on the internet have to say about your marriage or pregnancy. If I were a part of your personal life or a family member, this decision is between you and your husband, no one else. I would not interfere or pass judgement.

 

The choices provided your husband are rhetorical. You know that he won't divorce or let you raise this child alone. Neither would he demand an abortion.

 

I think you are asking how we are buying all of this. I would say the majority are falling in line quite well.

 

The life inside of you is what you should focus on now. There is a chance that your husband will be an excellent father.

Edited October 30, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
rude ~T

[Miss blue.]

It doesn't matter what strangers on the internet have to say about your marriage or pregnancy. If I were a part of your personal life or a family member, this decision is between you and your husband, no one else. I would not interfere or pass judgement.

 

The choices provided your husband are rhetorical. You know that he won't divorce or let you raise this child alone. Neither would he demand an abortion.

 

I think you are asking how we are buying all of this. I would say the majority are falling in line quite well.

 

The life inside of you is what you should focus on now. There is a chance that your husband will be an excellent father.

 

I’m sorry you feel I’m manipulating my husband or others. I have been nothing but straight forward with him and with people on here. I don’t know what he’s going to choose. I haven’t talked to him or anyone else today .

Edited October 30, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Mittens]

So let me get this straight... You're saying that the OP should have told her husband that sex is off the table because HE doesn't want a baby?.

 

That's exactly what is saying. Doesn't matter what form of contraception you are using, none is 100%. The only 100% certain way of not getting pregnant is not to have sex. If my partner was so certain they did not want to be a parent, sex would be not be happening.

[BaileyB]

That's exactly what is saying. Doesn't matter what form of contraception you are using, none is 100%. The only 100% certain way of not getting pregnant is not to have sex. If my partner was so certain they did not want to be a parent, sex would be not be happening.

 

If he doesn't want children, he should have had a vasectomy. Then it's done.

 

This is a rather hard line to take. If this was the expectation, nobody would be having sex. OP had said that they were previously using BC and condoms. Good plan. Yes, the moment she went off the birth control pill and then when he took the condom off - they began playing Russian roulette. Both partners are responsible for that decision and the consequences.

Edited October 29, 2017 by BaileyB

[Timshel]

I’m sorry you feel I’m manipulating my husband or others. I have been nothing but straight forward with him and with people on here. I don’t know what he’s going to choose. I haven’t talked to him or anyone else today .

 

Don't apologize. Read your thread again. I am not against you, though I do believe that you are not in the least honest...perhaps most with yourself.

 

As I said, it's a done deal. I hope that you are correct about your husband being a dad.

 

You are very smart, only don't come here a year from now kvetching about diaper changes, midnight wakes that he won't participate....or how he wants sex and you don't.

 

Good luck Miss Blue. Be a great mom.

[Mittens]

I take the hard line as I am the child of a man who was forced into being a parent. It ****ng sucks beyond belief to know that your very existence was unwanted by a parent. My mother only thought about what she wanted...SHE KNEW MY FATHER DID NOT WANT CHILDREN. She ignored that and got pregnant anyway. This was in 1967, when abortion in the UK was illegal. She knew that my father would be stuck with the consequences.

 

Anyway...it's half term here. If this is all true... whatever. If not, well done.

Edited October 30, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language ~T

[Tinie]

I take the hard line as I am the child of a man who was forced into being a parent. It ****ng sucks beyond belief to know that your very existence was unwanted by a parent. My mother only thought about what she wanted...SHE KNEW MY FATHER DID NOT WANT CHILDREN. She ignored that and got pregnant anyway. This was in 1967, when abortion in the UK was illegal. She knew that my father would be stuck with the consequences.

 

Anyway...it's half term here. If this is all true... whatever. If not, well done.

 

Why are you projecting your life story onto the OP? She didn't trap her husband with a baby like your mom trapped your dad, he was the one who took the condom off. He knew the consequences, he's an adult and should know by now how babies are made. The onus was on him if he so badly didn't want a baby.

Edited October 30, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[BaileyB]

I take the hard line as I am the child of a man who was forced into being a parent. It ****ng sucks beyond belief to know that your very existence was unwanted by a parent. My mother only thought about what she wanted...SHE KNEW MY FATHER DID NOT WANT CHILDREN. She ignored that and got pregnant anyway. This was in 1967, when abortion in the UK was illegal. She knew that my father would be stuck with the consequences.

 

Anyway...it's half term here. If this is all true... whatever. If not, well done.

 

I'm very sorry that is was your experience.

Edited October 30, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Mittens]

The OP has said that she thinks he did it thinking she wouldn't get pregnant. Hence why I said that in her situation I would have been getting the morning after pill. Not using contraception was not a decision that was made after calm consideration and discussion, but in the heat of the moment.

[Miss blue.]

I take the hard line as I am the child of a man who was forced into being a parent. It ****ng sucks beyond belief to know that your very existence was unwanted by a parent. My mother only thought about what she wanted...SHE KNEW MY FATHER DID NOT WANT CHILDREN. She ignored that and got pregnant anyway. This was in 1967, when abortion in the UK was illegal. She knew that my father would be stuck with the consequences.

 

Anyway...it's half term here. If this is all true... whatever. If not, well done.

 

Which is exactly why I gave him the options I did.

Edited October 30, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Mittens]

What options? I only see one 'pretend you are happy about this or I'll divorce you'

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Which is exactly why I gave him the options I did.

 

Where is what you want in this whole scenario? Why are you willing to settle for a lose-lose-lose scenario with the whole "abortion/divorce" option? At least with a divorce/birth situation, it's either a win-win-lose or at least win-lose/win-lose situation! (The unborn baby being the third party here).

Edited October 30, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Troll callout ~T

[Timshel]

If he doesn't want children, he should have had a vasectomy. Then it's done.

 

This is a rather hard line to take. If this was the expectation, nobody would be having sex. OP had said that they were previously using BC and condoms. Good plan. Yes, the moment she went off the birth control pill and then when he took the condom off - they began playing Russian roulette. Both partners are responsible for that decision and the consequences.

 

Read the thread from start again. You are correct, it takes two people. Start from the beginning with an absence of any presumption.

[BaileyB]

Read the thread from start again. You are correct, it takes two people. Start from the beginning with an absence of any presumption.

 

Done. I do see what you are saying, there are elements of manipulation here. Whether it was intended or not, its unclear.

Edited October 29, 2017 by BaileyB

[JuneL]

I’m sorry you feel I’m manipulating my husband or others. I have been nothing but straight forward with him and with people on here. I don’t know what he’s going to choose. I haven’t talked to him or anyone else today .

 

OP, you haven't answered the question a few of us have asked: why didn't your husband have a surgery to prevent any possibility of having a baby if he's so against it all along?

 

Another question: why didn't you stop your husband from having sex with you the moment he removed the condom?

[JuneL]

Done. I do see what you are saying, there are elements of manipulation here. Whether it was intended or not, its unclear.

 

Sorry I have to ask this: was removing the condom 100% your husband's idea, or was he guilted into doing that?

[BaileyB]

If I may, I do believe that Miss blue has a right to an opinion about the future of her marriage and her pregnancy. If you plan to divorce anyway and you want the child, then that is your best decision.

 

I think, the attempt to give your husband "options" has placed an unfair burden on him. None of the "options" are good - except if you consider staying married and raising this child in a loving family a good option, which he does not...

 

So instead, you have placed the burden of ending your marriage and/or ending this life on your husband. I think that's manipulative, hurtful, and unfair.

 

You both need good counselling, pronto!

[BaileyB]

Sorry I have to ask this: was removing the condom 100% your husband's idea, or was he guilted into doing that?

 

Or, was he so desperate at the thought of losing his wife that he felt it was the only thing he could do... to try and appease his wife and save his marriage. In this way, I wonder if the manipulation may not have been intentional, but the emotional pain he was feeling from the threat of loss most certainly affected his decision making.