wife is now living with a sexual preditor

[Barby]

Originally posted by New_Wife

I suspect it's very real. I knew of a father whose wife had molested his 14 year old son. The son told the mother, who was ready to engage in a full-on custody battle at any cost. The father then, seemingly out of the blue, relinquished custody. Weirdest thing! Turns out, the wife ran a daycare (scary huh?) that he'd sunk his life savings into. If the mother had pressed it, the daycare would've closed and he'd have been out his investment. So basically, he sold his son. You'd be amazed what shltty parents exist out there.

 

Very sad!! :(

 

 

I didn't by any means want to come across as in not really believing this guy...I am a survivor of sexual abuse as well but a very diff situation of course....it is all so sad and having a very very loving mother myself, I just can't imagine a Mother being so un-caring....then again I know it does happen!

 

 

I hope that his situation is so easily taken care of and it is a wonderful thing to know that a father is very much in tune with the lives of his children and willing to take all the steps necessary to protect his children.

[jonybgood]

Believe me when I say this thread and post are very real. There are certain times I cry in agony over this. that is real. My 10 year olds funny look on his face when I tell him mommy friend has done some bad things to little boys and that is why he cant go to her house is very real.

 

So when I do have something positive I hold on to it. co not worry I am not an idiot. I will NOT let my guard down. If this is a game then everybody loses. But until a few months ago she has never been a game player.

 

My hope is that she realizes what she unknowingly got herself into and she knows that I am the best option for the kids and that I can protect them better than she can right now. My hope is that she is working her way out of this situation. But if not then it is simple, she does not see the children UN supervised.

 

If you want to get a full progression of where this came from read my first thread called "wife left after 13 years"

[Barby]

If this is a game then everybody loses.

 

That is so very true and sadly your children would have been the ones who would have suffered/payed the most for your wife's "game"

 

I am extremely sorry that you and your children have been put in this situation, even sorrier that your wife has put herself as well as her children in a position in which they can not share the relationship that they had together before all of this happened. I can only imagine the confusion/anger/hurt your boys must feel. Just always make sure that they know it is by no means anything they've done. (not that they think that but one never knows for sure what another may feel deep inside).

 

I'm glad to hear that you wouldn't let your guard down....I mean I don't think any of us really meant that you actually would or that you were an idiot.

 

Anyway now that I've read your story, I seriously hope that you will keep us updated as to how things proceed. Your children are so very lucky to have such a loving, protective, and responsible father.....I wish more fathers such as yourself exsisted.

 

Well I will also keep you and your children in my prayers and I also seriously hope that your wife comes to her senses or is coming to her senses and coming out of that "fog" and realizing/seeing him for the sick-o- he is.

[whyohwhy]

jony, if you still need it, you have my total support and appreciation for being a man who understands what "father" means and the duties that come with it. #1 is protecting the kids, and if you have to fend off cave bears, stop bullets, or endure the emotional pain of conflict with your estranged wife, that is what you will do...

[RecordProducer]

I was also molested and when my mom found out (I was 23 y.o. already), she divorced the monster right away.

 

I have told my 6-year old kids that there are men who might want to touch their butts and penises or want to show them their penises or put them in their mouths. I wanted to be very descriptive and specific. "Bad things" isn't specific enough. They must know exactly what they should run away from in case that happens.

 

Many people don't even want to mention these things to their kids thinking that the kids will have trauma from hearing about them. There are so many children with trauma because it actually happened to them that it really makes no sense to not warn them. I wish someone warned me. It would have never happened to me, I am sure.

 

It won't ruin their childhoods to know that such things exist. What about the bloody scenes of violence they see on TV? What about seeing people dying around them? Should we protect that from that too and tell them "you won't die, mommy and daddy won't die, nothing bad can ever happen so don't be careful, don't be wary of anything"? Or do we tell them not to cross the streets without looking, not to play with electricity, to be careful not to fall from the balcony, not to drown, etc. because THEY MIGHT DIE OR GET HURT? It doesn't leave a scar to be wary. It leaves a scar when the kids are not protected although they could have been.

 

If I were you, I would talk to the scum-bag in person and tell him "If you ever touch or hurt my kids, I will cut you in pieces."

[New_Wife]

Good Point RP!!!

 

While I'm not as specific with my children as you, I have also covered the areas of their body that are theirs alone. And that if anyone wants to touch, see, or in any way get near those parts - it's bad and they have every right to pitch a holy fit and must let me know.

 

We've also covered secrets. That no adult should ever have a secret with a kid that is not a happy secret. That is: birthay parties, presents, and surprise dinners. But bad secrets are not okay, and Mommy needs to know.

 

Finally, the stranger danger. We've covered that anytime a stranger wants their help, that they are to say "Hold on, I'll get my Mommy." No exceptions.

[jonybgood]

Well I think this thread has reached full maturity and I thank you all for the support you have given me in my first two threads. To tie things up I will say that at this point in time my wife and I are actually talking more politely(for the loss of a better word)than we have over a three day period in the past three months.

 

She came to our sons football practice Thursday night where I am a coach, and came over today to spend a couple of hours with the boys. We had lunch and it was nice. Of course I would like more but I realize she has to work things out in her own way. We talk about everything but us, but a least we are amiable.

 

I am sticking to my convictions that as long as he is in her life in any capacity then she can only see the children with my supervision. I will probably start a new thread about working through separation when one spouse doesn't seem to want to work things out. Why not? This forum has been an inspiration for me, and as long as I am putting my life out there for all to see maybe I can get some insight on that. Thank you all.