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Wife taking roadtrip from Croatia to Germany with male friend

Croatianguy

By Croatianguy,
in Marriage and Life Partnerships

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Croatianguy

Croatianguy

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My wife is going to see her newborn nephew in Germany while I'm working which is fine. I was going to pay for a bus ticket but she wants to save money by going with a male friend she grew up with, and another girl who is the godmother of my wife's nephew. I don't like it. This guy had sex with a married woman before and bragged about it. Am I being too jealous or are my concerns justified? Thank you.

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Davey L

Davey L

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I think that whether you should be concerned or not depends on your wife's past behaviour.

 

Does she have any past with this guy? Has she been flirty with him before? How devoted a wife is she? Has she ever been unfaithful? Ultimately, do you trust her?

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Trail Blazer

Trail Blazer

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If you trust her you won't have a problem. If you don't trust her you will. He may hit on her and that's not a nice thought, but if I knew my wife would tell him there to do I'd only be annoyed on a minor level.

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lolablue17

lolablue17

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It is certainly much more fun to drive this way with a a friend she grew up with, than alone in a bus. Does the road trip include a sleep over?

 

I think you should talk with her about it and see her reaction. If she starts showing resentment and becomes defensive, I would be concern. If she says the same thing I wrote above, on my 1th paragraph, and telling you that she will do what ever makes you happy, then I'd feel much calmer about it.

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hammyy2k

hammyy2k

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I think that whether you should be concerned or not depends on your wife's past behaviour.

 

Does she have any past with this guy? Has she been flirty with him before? How devoted a wife is she? Has she ever been unfaithful? Ultimately, do you trust her?

 

i would be concerned if my wife suggested to go with the guy even after knowing he has a bad character to save money even if she has no past

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Starswillshine

Starswillshine

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If it was just her and this guy, I would be concerned. Because there is another girl friend, I would not be worried unless your wife has given you cause to distrust her.

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Croatianguy

Croatianguy

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Hey guys. Thanks for the responses. No, my wife has been loyal and never given me a reason not to trust her. I've seen some bad things happen to other people's marriages and have had some bad experiences in the past myself. It still bothers me though. I feel as though I would have sacrificed and taken the bus if i was in her shoes. Is that crazy? I'll have a talk with her about it.

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Trail Blazer

Trail Blazer

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Hey guys. Thanks for the responses. No, my wife has been loyal and never given me a reason not to trust her. I've seen some bad things happen to other people's marriages and have had some bad experiences in the past myself. It still bothers me though. I feel as though I would have sacrificed and taken the bus if i was in her shoes. Is that crazy? I'll have a talk with her about it.

 

She may think she's doing absolutely nothing wrong and has no bad intentions at all which is why she didn't even consider getting the bus. I can see why from your perspective you would think that though. It's fair enough as well. How would she react if you raised this issue with her?

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BettyDraper

BettyDraper

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I like the fact that a female friend will be going on this road trip as well.

As for what you have been through in the past, I sympathize with your concerns because we are all affected by terrible experiences.

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Poutrew

Poutrew

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With me, if she actually went through with the trip as planned, I would be obligated to return the favor by doing the same thing at a later date. If she balks at you going ask her why. Doesn't she trust you? I would look her in the eye and say "Honey, did you care about my feelings when you went on your trip with Mr. X? Did you have sex with him? I guess I trust you did not, so I am hurt that you do not trust me to keep my zipper up without you around. But, however you feel, I am going on this trip - but don't worry, I'll call you every night..."

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Steve51

Steve51

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Big mistake. I lost a fiancé and girlfriend like that. One thing I learned is that you never let your women hang with men especially out of your sight. Drinking, having emotions to the guy, if only friendship, and loneliness rarely end well.

 

I have had sex with 4 or 5 married women many decades ago when I was young, horny and foolish. I also had sex with the girlfriends of both my friends and strangers. One lesson I learned is that when it comes to sex, never trust a man with a woman. I even had sex with a girlfriend and a wife, in their house while one was sent to get more beer and the other fell asleep drunk. Both said that they loved their partners but were horny and sex got boring.

 

My wife had sex with my best friend I had had sex with his wife. Heck, my wife even had sex with three of her friends, all girls. Who would suspect that. My wife is not allowed to be friends with men, travel with men or even go on business trips with men since I had sex with 3 female co-workers on business trips after drinking all night.

 

I am not rare either as others were doing the same even more frequent than me. Work overtime so she could afford to go alone or with just a girlfriend. For me, since my wife is bi, even having her go away with a girlfriend is not something I would want her to do. I do not go out with girls and took another job that did not involve a lot of travel and drinking all night with co-workers who felt as lonely as I did while spending months overseas.

 

Too bad so many people have to suffer the consequences of their actions just to do what they think is being open minded. It is a free for all out there and put two people together, especially one who has sex with wives and it will be partially your fault if they do have sex. They probably will but you may never know about it. My wife knows about two girls I had sex with but not the other 10. She never asks and I do not tell. I have no idea of who she has sex with when I am away on the other side of the world for 3 months of the year. I do not care because it has never even caused a ripple in our marriage and kept her happy when I was gone. We were not monogamous because we have not seen it work well for others. For us, as long as a fling is the exception and not the rule and our marriage is held above all else, it is not a deal breaker. As my wife says, what the eyes do not see, the heart cannot feel. The only danger is if they fall in loved and have a full blown emotional affair. We were poly so we were more prepared for the dangers than most are. Even then, I fell in love with my secretary and left my wife for a month before coming to my senses. My wife fell in love with her best friend and moved her into our home. At least she hooked her girlfriend up with me often enough so that I too fell in love and could share her.

 

As I said, men and women together is stranger danger and even more so when there is at least some emotional feeling, even if friendship. I have seen the most religious of wives who swore to never cheat, cheat under the right circumstances. Of course not all do this but if you show a person on a diet enough deserts, there is a good chance they will try one or two.

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sandylee1

sandylee1

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If you trust your wife you have nothing to worry about.

 

There's much projection on here. Not every married women will sleep with a man who hits on here.

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knabe

knabe

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I think most of the posters (MALE) missed the part where ANOTHER FEMALE is going with them.

 

OP, it will be two women and one man, correct?

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road

road

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I think most of the posters (MALE) missed the part where ANOTHER FEMALE is going with them.

 

OP, it will be two women and one man, correct?

 

I did not miss any part. For there is the threesome threat.

Then her GF is having a great time and tells the OP's wife

she deserves some fun too, loosen up and party and or the

wife gets envious of the GF and she loosens up. Then

there is always the situation where the GF's BF at the last

moment brings a friend or they run into a friend of the BF.

 

Before you can say I knew the wife's panties hit the floor

on this vacation.

 

I seen this story too many times on forums.

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rushed

rushed

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If you trust your wife you have nothing to worry about.

 

There's much projection on here. Not every married women will sleep with a man who hits on here.

 

This. My guy would trust me to go on a road trip with another male friend and a female friend. And if he didn't then we would have issues. I do not tolerate insecurity and jealousy well at all. And if he wanted to go on a road trip with a female friend? I'd tell him to have fun and text me when he gets there.

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ayoung73

ayoung73

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Your concerns are JUSTIFIED! But you need to speak with her and express your concerns in a manner that is devoid of accusation. Ultimately though, jealousy is born from mistrust, is there any reason you don’t trust her? Bring up your concerns and tell her that you love her and was worried about him, not her and after this talk, well, you have to place your faith in her and trust that she will honor her commitment to you and your marriage. My wife cheated on me, I forgave her, there are days where I still don’t trust completely and it’s been close to ten years since the incident. But I had to make the decision to trust her completely when I decided to make up and restore our marriage, otherwise it wouldn’t have worked out the way it has. I have to remind myself of this periodically but realistically, you have to trust like you did when you first started dating and were married. I wish you the best, it is difficult, but after the talk, leave it to her and leave it alone. Trust in her.

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Croatianguy

Croatianguy

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Thanks for the responses. So i looked at her instagram messages, she posted a picture of a cup of coffee. And the guy messaged her and said "you didn't call me?" and he put a confused emoji. I'm starting to get worried. I want to confront her but i want to see more evidence first. I'm beggining to get upset. What should i do?

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Cephalopod

Cephalopod

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Thanks for the responses. So i looked at her instagram messages, she posted a picture of a cup of coffee. And the guy messaged her and said "you didn't call me?" and he put a confused emoji. I'm starting to get worried. I want to confront her but i want to see more evidence first. I'm beggining to get upset. What should i do?

 

Does she let you see her IG messages or did you sneak a peek?

 

 

Tell her you are not comfortable with this situation and that you do not trust this man. However, you cannot control her nor do you have any desire to do so.

 

 

Gently say to her that you have boundaries, and that those boundaries include 1) you will not be cheated on, and 2) you will not have your generosity and good nature taken advantage of. If she steps over those boundaries, then you will do what you need to do to protect yourself and your health and mental well-being, which probably would mean breaking up with her.

 

 

And then just leave it at that. This way you have communicated your feelings, communicated your boundaries, and communicated what you will do to protect yourself from being taken advantage of.

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Cephalopod

Cephalopod

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This. My guy would trust me to go on a road trip with another male friend and a female friend. And if he didn't then we would have issues. I do not tolerate insecurity and jealousy well at all. And if he wanted to go on a road trip with a female friend? I'd tell him to have fun and text me when he gets there.

 

I disagree.

 

 

Jealousy is a perfectly acceptable and valid emotion in any committed relationship. What is a committed relationship worth if the two people in it are not looking out for the well-being of the relationship and protecting it?

 

 

Now...if you are talking about possessiveness, that is a different thing altogether. Possessiveness and trying to control your mate are damaging to a relationship.

 

 

Having said that, no girlfriend or wife should ever put her mate into a position where he has to watch her go off with a male who he doesn't know or who all the parties know is a player or womanizer. Why would any woman who professes to love her husband or BF do that to him? Is a fun trip really worth ruining a relationship over?

 

 

It is all about choosing which battles to fight and which to avoid.

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Croatianguy

Croatianguy

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I snuck a peak at her instagram. I couldn't help it. Should i stay quiet and wait for more evidence or confront right away

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