one of my closest friend's behaviour i cannot understand...what is going on?

[cuul_gurl]

hi guys...i got a small problem right now..and i can say its been continuing for the past 10-12 months...here's the whole story..I need u to read the whole thing, yeah it is a bit long and may drag at places..forgive me for that...mind u, its 3 years in the brewing!!

i shifted to the city i'm currently staying in, 3 years ago. I'm an Indian, and have religious faith in Hindu culture. It was on one of our festivals that my parents insisted that I play the Keyboard (i've learnt classical music) in a Temple. I was reluctant, but finally agreed. So that September evening (Sep 10th to be precise), i first visited the Temple in my city.( It was just 3 months since i shifted here). It all started there...

One old lady, impressed with my performance, approached me and spoke to me. During the conversation, I noticed this handsome guy walking up and down at the enterance of the temple, which is usually not tolerated in our faith, so i kept looking at him. This nice lady called me over and introduced him as her son! Did i get the shock of my life! He studied in my college (he's 5 years older to me) and we easily entered into a conversation. He left soon, and i didnt know when i'd b seeing him again.

He used to turn up to pick up his mom after the temple closed, and we used to speak to each other then. I knew little about him, but subconciously, i knew i was falling for him. He was (and still is) a flirt. He showed signs of attraction and i seriously enjoyed the attention he gave me. Particularly when my grandma paid a visit, he touched her feet (a symbol of respect in India). His gestures induced warmth in me and i knew that i have a huge soft corner for him somewhere inside. One thing though, he was a failure in academics, and was unemployed at that time. He also did not have faith in God, though he started visiting the temple more frequently in the spring of 2003. His flirtatious nature did not cease,and though he didn't tell anyting he still showed signs that he liked me.

Come August, and festival season starts here. By September (my birthday drew near), things were getting hotter. He was more open in flirting (and i doubt many ppl noticed), his mom asked a few questions indirectly and also hinted that he likes me, and tried to find out if i was interested in him. My mom knew everything that happened and she was cool about it. No qtns asked and no harm done. My birthday arrived. His mom called up in the morning. She gave him the phone."Happy Birthday useless" he kept saying. I knew he was pulling my leg. When i went to the temple in the evening, there he was in his dhoti (white apparel worn around the waist), and was performing religious service because of the absence of the preist. (that was under pressure from his mom of course). It was Navratri time, and on that particular day, children danced on stage.He was like,"I've made all these arrangements for u, and u can't even thank me?", very playfully. The next day, we had devotional songs, so i went to sing. I had once before asked him playfully to sing and he refused. Surprises, he actually came and sang on stage. My eyes met his, and he didnt seem to take them off. He also commented on my dress. He didnt let me pray. He was like"u need not worship God, I am ur modem. Come to me. I am ur everything"..One of the men called him over and asked him"y the hell r u troubling her so soon? Y dont u leave her alone till she finishes praying?" The next day, we had rangoli competiton (rangoli is a pattern made with colours on the floor, and is also of religious significance). I participated. He came a bit later than expected. Someone came to have a closer look at my rangoli, and he raged at me.."if i were in ur place, and if anyone even came near my rangoli, I'd KILL that person". I was shocked. but that was that. He mentioned some recipe, and said he enjoys it. I told him, "y dont u make it and gimme some?" He reacted almost instantly, "i told u the recipe, so that u'd prepare and give it to me!!!" ....( He was looking for a job at that time. He was called for an interview in another city, and was leaving on the 9th of October that year. ) Come the last day of Navratri (Dusshera)..I was clad in a sari. I entered the temple. I couldn't spot him. Finally, he emerged from a room behind the temple, saw me and paused. Stared. "enna, minnal minnardu?",, somewhat translates to "lightning is dazzling me"..He couldn't take his eyes off me that day, though he didnt say anything much.

After Dusshera, time had come for him to venture out, try his luck in a new job. I met him a day before he left. It was in the temple, and i came from college to see him. We discussed about our college and stuff. It was casual talk. He rang up that night. He was like."i dunno why i called..i just felt like talking to u..."He didnt say anything else..he just kept saying that..he wanted to meet me, but i couldnt go. He left for the interview the next day....

He mailed almost every single day. Kept giving me updates on his life. Finally, one day he said he got the job. I wasn't happier! He turned up on 11th november to wind up his stuff. Mom invited him to dinner. I started serving him and dad. I have the habit of serving with my left had, coz thats what u do when u eat with ur right hand. He said, "u've failed the first iyengar test" (iyengar is a part of a sect of ppl in south india, and i'm an iyer- another part of the same sect) ..."r u a lefty?"..I was stunned. I said no, but i have the habit of serving with my left hand coz i usually have to serve myself. I couldn't forget what he said....to me it was almost a proposal...

He had to leave on 20th.. I was almost intears when he didnt call till 19th. The phone rang at 11.30 pm. It was him. He just told me to take care of myself and keep in touch. I didnt cry much, but there was a feeling of satisfaction inside me....

Come jan, i wished him on his birthday. I playfully asked him if he's made any girlfriends. He said he liiked 2 girls in his office, but was still confused. That did it...the problems started here. I tried advising him about girls..i think that annoyed him. He wrote less and less frequent. He called me on my birthday, only bcoz his mom had remided him.

Meanwhile, later that year (2004) his mom came for a night's stay at my place. She was there the next day also. She started hinting about him. She wanted to know my feelings for him. She wa like" u don'[t have an elder brother? Is that y u r so attached to him?" I didnt know what to say, and i said yes. Then she said,..he's a very violent guy...I knew from the beginning that he has a violent personality, though he's never lost his temper even once in front of me.

Time passed...we had a tiff in between...coz i was pissed offf that he didn't mail. He said "don't get so INSECURE, its just that i have a lot of work in ofice, i'm not able to keep in touch."

He came here on a holiday, and came home the same day he arrived.(He's very courteous to my parents. My dad didnt have a good first impression about him...he's changed his mind now. His dad's also fond of me...a very adament person, his mom actually told me to keep him in his good humor, coz I'm the first child he's ever praised!) He was his normal self. I met him in the temple again on a function. He was pretty cool, but i feel he was preoccupied..the same chemistry, flirtatious nature was missing that day...though at one point of time our eyes met..and he wasn't prepared to gaze away..we just stared at each other for a few moments...i have no idea how long...no words said...i couldn't understand what he was trying to tell...He was a bit rude to me the next day we met...so i chose to ignore him. When i called him up the following monday, he just said he was too preoccupied that day with something...He went back to his city without giving a call..

I gave him a shock on April Fool's day this year, saying we'll be shifting to his city. Man!! He sounded excited and for a few wonderful moments, he actually thought it was true. by the time he realised it was a joke, he had already mailed me, showing how excited he was!!

He mailed after that, and again, told me not to get insecure when i asked him why so long since u mailed...

Then one fine day, last month...my cousin, who had a chat with him, told me he's shifting to my birthplace, where my cousin also live, and where i'll be shifting most probably after i write my exam in november. I was happy. The floods came and went. No mails. I got worried, but soon he mailed saying he'd call me as soon as he gets a new number. I had mailed him awsking about his new job, but no reply. He smsd the day he got his new number, but no phone calls till date. My cousin, gave him a missed call yesterday evening, and by chance, so did I. He told her he'd call her up at midnight. But she called him up instead. I chatted with him yesterday..and all he said was..was it u who gave me a missed call? Anything important? I asked him about his job and timings and he replied..and then...i have a lot of work..chat later..

I smsd him quite a few times last week, but no reply..and today morning when i ask him whether he got my msgs, he just said..no real msgs, just stupid fwds..

I am hurt..and confused...he keeps changing his colors.. sometimes i feel he's still the same and sometimes he ignores me downright....he asks me why i dont' mail him if i don't mail him for a month...but if i do, he never replies...what do i do?

We r not into a relationship as yet..but as a friend...it hurts real bad..

can u tell me whats really happening? What does he feel about me? Whats going on?

 

Anuradha