single guys, have you ever not made moves on a girl you're attracted to? why?

[Cookiesandough]

If you are a man unattached and dating, have you ever purposefully not made moves on a girl you were really interested in in the first 1-3 dates? Let's say the chemistry was all there and you thought she'd be receptive.

 

 

Or have you ever turned down or downplayed advances from a girl you were sexually attracted to? Let's say for example you were dating and she made a clear through body language she would be cool with a kiss, but you hugged her instead? Why?

[carhill]

If you are a man unattached and dating, have you ever purposefully not made moves on a girl you were really interested in in the first 1-3 dates? Let's say the chemistry was all there and you thought she'd be receptive.

Depends on what 'moves' are. I can consider embracing her and kissing her goodnight as a 'move'. Another guy could consider straight out genital contact as a 'move'.

 

By my definition, which is contact that I wouldn't consider with a male or female platonic friend, no I don't believe I ever purposely declined. Usually if things weren't flowing, one or the other of us discontinued.

 

 

Or have you ever turned down or downplayed advances from a girl you were sexually attracted to?

Sure, mostly when I was unsure whether they were married or not. Some have been!

Let's say for example you were dating and she made a clear through body language she would be cool with a kiss, but you hugged her instead? Why?

Absent the above inhibition, no. Historically I was always up for intimacy because, well, I would otherwise be at the races with the guys so no sense in doing the mating dance without all the steps. Overall, other than a few glaring errors by myself in sussing out married women, we read each other pretty well. Usually any misses were handled before dating ever occurred. By that I mean attraction wasn't mutual so a date never happened.

[Cookiesandough]

Thank you. Yes. That is what I mean by 'moves' - contact you would not consider platonic.

Edited September 28, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Shining One]

If you are a man unattached and dating, have you ever purposefully not made moves on a girl you were really interested in in the first 1-3 dates? Let's say the chemistry was all there and you thought she'd be receptive.

Yes. It usually occurred due to a conflict between her words and her actions. For example, I dated a woman who said that she doesn't do anything physical for at least the first two months of dating. I took her at her word and didn't make any moves. It my mistake in the end, but I was younger and foolish back then.

[Cookiesandough]

Yes. It usually occurred due to a conflict between her words and her actions. For example, I dated a woman who said that she doesn't do anything physical for at least the first two months of dating. I took her at her word and didn't make any moves. It my mistake in the end, but I was younger and foolish back then.

 

But wait, other than what she said(which is pretty big hindrance) she seemed receptive? She was flirty despite what she said? Thanks.

[Cookiesandough]

Looks like what I thought. If a guy is attracted to a woman he s on a date with and she flirts and makes innuendo he will try to escalate as far as he can until she puts a stop to it.

[CptInsano]

I can make a list:

 

a) I thought she was a lesbian and just going out to have fun.

b) I knew she was taken but I asked her out anyways.

c) She was just entertaining to go out with, a nice thought, but I knew we'd be horrible together in a relationship.

d) Chemistry is there but I otherwise can't stand her. Yet I can't help but watch the train wreck. (Yes, that happens.) A sub-category of this is the bat-(bleep) crazy but sexy date. I had one who told me that she gave each of her boobs a name and then started talking to them.

e) Good girl vibe, and I thought she needed more time. Really, really liked her and didn't want to risk messing things up. That's probably the most common one with me.

 

I'm sure I could think of more reasons.

[SevenCity]

Looks like what I thought. If a guy is attracted to a woman he s on a date with and she flirts and makes innuendo he will try to escalate as far as he can until she puts a stop to it.

 

Cookies that is just not true - you really need to increase your response sample size before you prove your hypothesis

 

For me, no, I always go for the kiss if I'm interested and stop when I've hit a wall. Even if there are no signs of interest (and have been shocked at how successful I've been). I've also gone for a kiss when I wasn't too interested lol.

 

But MANY guys don't. I have a female friend who runs into betas all the time. One guy was about to be brought upstairs for sex but he lacked escalation skills and she completely lost interest. He asked her out again but was declined. It was a huge turn off for her.

 

There are other guys who just don't feel comfortable with kissing a stranger.

 

There are yet other guys who won't proceed if you did something / said something to turn them off (smart guys - I envy them)

 

 

There are all kinds of men in the world and just because a guy doesn't go for a kiss doesn't mean he's not attracted to you.

[Shining One]

But wait, other than what she said(which is pretty big hindrance) she seemed receptive? She was flirty despite what she said? Thanks.

Yes, she was flirty and touch-friendly herself. She also ended up sleeping with someone else on the second date while 1.5 months into dating me.

[Chilli]

Yeah l use to a lot.

Because me l tended to be looking at the big picture , knowing myself too well. So lf l start messing around yet l didn't really think she was my type as a gf , l'd try not too.

Because otherwise l'd just keep going back for the fun , l'm like that, l gotta watch it. And before l knew it it would get all complicated and feelings and problems.

So yep , if l didn't see the gf thing , then l'd try not to touch.

 

Not to say that could be another guy though , some guys just like to take their time. Depends on how other things are looking with him like does he even seems interested .

Edited September 30, 2017 by Chilli

[carhill]

OP, while definitely making a romantic 'move' when sensing mutual romantic interest, to gauge that interest, I don't recall 'escalating', rather moved fairly slow, though steadily increasing intimacy, sometimes to my chagrin and loss where that style wasn't attractive to the lady. That's likely why I've had so few relationships and sexual partners, because sex was always in a relationship or when married, and dates don't always develop into relationships.

 

Since becoming divorced I think I've 'turned down' three women, one because I knew she was married, the other because I thought she was married (she was but later got divorced) and the third because I didn't really know her that well. By turned down, I mean I declined to escalate or accept intimacy beyond what I'd normally share with female friends.

 

I'd say, in general, that's somewhat anomalous behavior for a male so take it for what it's worth. Most men I know personally are horndogs. They like women, all women and they like sex, and as often as their decades old equipment will allow. Different strokes!

[thefooloftheyear]

Some guys just don't pursue women and prefer women to be the ones that make the move...They may like them and find them attractive, but still not be comfortable with the flirting and gamesmanship involved, or they may be aloof to the subtle attention and not act on it...

 

When I am out and about and happen to see a guy obviously hitting on a woman, I cringe....I know its how guys do it, but holy crap...i'd sooner walk buck naked down 5th Ave in NYC than do that...No effing way...

 

I have given this advice before on this site....If you are a woman and see a guy that interests you, don't be afraid to make a move....I know it's not necessarily the protocol or general rule, but then be aware you stand a chance of missing that opportunity if you don't....I can't be the only one out here....

 

TFY

[Shanex]

Short answer: I 'chickened out' a couple times with girls I really liked.

 

I will make a longer reply and explain myself better later today.

[Shanex]

If you are a man unattached and dating, have you ever purposefully not made moves on a girl you were really interested in in the first 1-3 dates? Let's say the chemistry was all there and you thought she'd be receptive.

 

Many years ago, and on two occasions with two different girls, like I said above, I chickened out. Why? They were ''friends of friends of mine'' and if it had been a more casual date, not having mutual friends and stuff. I'd have done anything to kiss them, and I was definitely more interested than a hookup or anything meaningless.

 

Maybe I was foolish not to do, maybe not. Mind you, all body language was there, and the dates consisted of theathers, going to the pool (hence half naked), having drinks and partying. The chemistry was there.. for the better or worse I decided against it. The common rules about dating at work is not to crap where you eat. I also think that I'd steer clear of ladies within my circle in some ways. I am like that.

 

Or have you ever turned down or downplayed advances from a girl you were sexually attracted to? Let's say for example you were dating and she made a clear through body language she would be cool with a kiss, but you hugged her instead? Why?

 

More recently, I met a younger woman, about 8 months ago I went on a very far date with. Drove 5 hours the same day and had a blast, but both of us were in a FWB situation and I thought screw it... even though it's not really cheating I was exhausted and despite her touching my hand a bit, I again decided against trying anything that day.

 

The three ladies mentioned in that post are, naturally out of my circle these days for various reasons. So I have no regrets about that at least.