Fallen to MM

[oldbutcurious]

This is still related to my old post http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/603936-rant-vent-moving-how-let-virgo-man-know-you-like-him

 

I know I had been quite obvious - we rarely see each other but we have had several lunches together since, driven me around his neighborhood, talked about our kids, and a lot more, watched video of his son playing in his band, had laughs, asked me of plans whether I'd want to relocate nearer, and so on.

 

We had a (post-grad) school event and we have had many photos posted at fb together taken by classmates - and I was the obvious one who have fallen, I know.

 

Can't help it. I find him gorgeous, inside-out.

 

I have no plan of "destroying" his family. I just feel I love him, I want to grow old with him (yes, that song), and that the butterflies in my stomach have grown to multitude.

 

I need positive words because I know I haven't done anything wrong. I haven't plotted to anything wrong either.

 

I only know that I am happy and that's it.

[BaileyB]

And, how does he feel about you?

 

His wife would argue the thought that you haven't done anything wrong. Your very presence means that you will destroy his family. This man is not yours to love. Sorry.

Edited September 29, 2017 by BaileyB

[oldbutcurious]

BaileyB, he likes me as a friend, and I am happy with that. We spend some time together as friends would, share life stories and challenges, share insights, advice, etc.

 

It's worth it.

[oldbutcurious]

His wife would argue the thought that you haven't done anything wrong. Your very presence means that you will destroy his family. This man is not yours to love. Sorry.

 

I don't know about the wife... She have an FB (I presume) but they do not check out each other's posts...

 

Of course he is NOT mine. My happiness is we spend time together and share laughter, problems, challenges, and everything under the sun.

[BaileyB]

BaileyB, he likes me as a friend, and I am happy with that. We spend some time together as friends would, share life stories and challenges, share insights, advice, etc.

 

It's worth it.

 

That's called an "emotional affair."

[oldbutcurious]

That's called an "emotional affair."

 

Thanks.

[whichwayisup]

BaileyB, he likes me as a friend, and I am happy with that. We spend some time together as friends would, share life stories and challenges, share insights, advice, etc.

 

It's worth it.

 

worth it how? To let yourself love someone who is married? You want to just be his friend, let your feelings continue to grow so you get attached more and more? How are you ever going to date another man, let alone let your heart be open to someone else? As long as you're lusting after this MM NO man will ever catch your eye.

 

It's a waste of your precious time and energy to invest in someone who isn't going to divorce his wife and start a new life with you. I hope you see this.

[Grammie]

This guy is married. He may be a cheater, he may not, but why don't you feel you deserve more than to be a mistress?

 

Focus on finding hobbies or activities with your kids. Become a strong independent woman. Get a divorce if you are so sure you are done with your marriage (please don't bring the whole "divorce is so expensive" excuse...cause that is what that is, an excuse). Find out who YOU are and go live your life....and leave the married guy alone.

Edited September 30, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[oldbutcurious]

I am still happy, so, I am ignoring the comments being thrown against.

 

The last time we were together, it was an exit to our course for both of us and he has in fact decided that was it.

 

We were exchanging opinions about studying being fun and how we ended up taking our post-grad course, how I was actually looking for another course, but it was not offered previously, but seeing our closing program, I found out it was already being offered.

 

On his part, he was stopping because he can't stand one of the subjects that needs to be taken to finish the master studies. He still would need to take at least 3 subjects. I will be on my last subject this next semester.

 

And he said, "Why don't you take the new course, and I will finish my master studies?"

 

For someone who wasn't expecting anything, I was elated, and this made me happy, until now. And also, he has given me his schedule for the next month, so, we could arrange to meet again.

 

It's just friendship, but it makes me happy... I just wonder why the bitter words out there.

 

Oh, and yes, I do lust for him, though I am sure it is not obvious. If ever we'll do it, it'd be hoot.

[jah526]

If ever we'll do it, it'd be hoot.

 

You think that now. I'm sure a lot of us here thought the same thing. I know I did. In my case, I rationalized that a one and done would be ok to get it out of our systems. It didn't work out like that. It led to almost another year of him trying to get me to sleep with him again and me sometimes caving because I was so desperate for the attention. The whole thing wrecked me and I'm still trying to pick up the pieces after being no contact for over 3 months.

 

Just don't do it. Affairs cause devastation to at least one party (usually the OW) and sometimes everyone. You are waltzing into a firestorm and you don't even know it.

[1966Seahorse]

Hi oldbutcurious,

 

I can totally see how your friendship is infectious but I was wondering .... if you were married to someone and your husband was conducting a friendship such as this then what would your reaction be if you found out? Would you be happy about it and welcome it?

 

I am just curious

[freengreen]

Going as per text book.

 

It is going to feel over the top for a while and soon things wont be as 'worth'. Your take.

[whichwayisup]

You haven't done anything wrong except waste your love on someone who doesn't love you back. It's one sided and sure you can ignore my posts and other ones that you're not ready to accept but the bottom line is, you're gonna get hurt and feel quite alone one day when he lives life with his wife, holidays and vacations away. You're setting yourself up for a big hurt. Sadly you'll have to experience it and live through it. Good luck.

[oldbutcurious]

Hi oldbutcurious,

 

I can totally see how your friendship is infectious but I was wondering .... if you were married to someone and your husband was conducting a friendship such as this then what would your reaction be if you found out? Would you be happy about it and welcome it?

 

I am just curious

 

I was married. We separated amiccably, although it is not made legal yet, about more than 2 years already. Actually, I encourage him to look for another woman, date, get married if he wants to, because I feel only sympathy for him, and keep respect for the sake of the kids.

 

I told him several times already that I started to like another guy, although the guy does not know. He kind of shrug it off, because he knows I am not very forward with men, and hopes he'll win me back. But as of late, I told him to stop hoping.

 

I am transparent to him, he felt it while I was exchanging messages with MM, he even checked the messages, and saw no malice, but he felt it. He asked, "You're so happy with your chatmate."

[oldbutcurious]

Just don't do it. Affairs cause devastation to at least one party (usually the OW) and sometimes everyone. You are waltzing into a firestorm and you don't even know it.

 

I haven't done it. Haven't plotted anything to progress to another level. I am enjoying our friendship, immensely.

 

I believe it was because he was different from the other guys. He never flirted, or maybe, it was his personality, never took advantage, extra nice, so giving and caring.

 

I don't know if it is the novelty. It's like a high school thing when you just love your friends and enjoy their company and be comfortable like hell, without worrying for anything... maybe, I am in my second childhood (it's just a fun thought, I know).

[oldbutcurious]

You haven't done anything wrong except waste your love on someone who doesn't love you back. It's one sided and sure you can ignore my posts and other ones that you're not ready to accept but the bottom line is, you're gonna get hurt and feel quite alone one day when he lives life with his wife, holidays and vacations away. You're setting yourself up for a big hurt. Sadly you'll have to experience it and live through it. Good luck.

 

 

I like and enjoy our friendship at the moment, and I might already love him for his personality.

 

I am not over-the-top wasting, waiting, or even hoping he'll notice or spend more time than what we already do. I can feel that for him, our friendship is being nurtured, and he was actually investing time and effort to keep. And maybe, I was just glad and happy about it, that is why I am enjoying it.

 

Maybe, what I feel for him (whether it be s love or lust) will change. I am just happy at the moment I feel the need to share - or I'll burst.

[oldbutcurious]

This guy is married. He may be a cheater, he may not, but why don't you feel you deserve more than to be a mistress?

 

Focus on finding hobbies or activities with your kids. Become a strong independent woman. Get a divorce if you are so sure you are done with your marriage (please don't bring the whole "divorce is so expensive" excuse...cause that is what that is, an excuse). Find out who YOU are and go live your life....and leave the married guy alone.

 

As of the moment, I haven;t succumbed nor plan to becoming a mistress.

 

I have several hobbies, and spend time with my kids.

 

About being strong, many people who know me says, I am.

 

About my divorce, I am saving for the lawyer fees.

 

I know who I am, and by golly, I am living my life to the full!

 

The whole thing is I am enjoying the company of a friend, and I might already be in love with him, but my options are open - it might change, but one thing is for sure, I am going to nurture cooperatively our friendship, and make the most of it.

[lftbehind]

I haven't done it. Haven't plotted anything to progress to another level. I am enjoying our friendship, immensely.

 

I believe it was because he was different from the other guys. He never flirted, or maybe, it was his personality, never took advantage, extra nice, so giving and caring.

 

I don't know if it is the novelty. It's like a high school thing when you just love your friends and enjoy their company and be comfortable like hell, without worrying for anything... maybe, I am in my second childhood (it's just a fun thought, I know).

 

Please be careful, oldbutcurious. I'm sure that the MM is nice and a good person. That's how a lot of affairs begin, you start by being friends and then the sex and attachment. You think that this guy is different and things will keep going well and they'll keep giving you attention, but things change and they don't keep up the attention and start being complacent or acting hot and cold with you. A lot of times, it ends up being about them. I'm going through this right now with a MM that I get along with so well and always have a good time with. He's been busy and says that he doesn't mean to neglect me, but I know that it doesn't take long to send an email. I think that he's afraid of getting caught, for one thing. It leaves you feeling sad and unimportant. Proceed with caution.

[oldbutcurious]

thanks lftbehind. he's not flirting nor giving me extra attention, only a friendly attention, that's all.

[lftbehind]

thanks lftbehind. he's not flirting nor giving me extra attention, only a friendly attention, that's all.

 

You're welcome. I'm just trying to help, so you don't go through the pain that I'm going through. It's good if you can enjoy your friendship.

[ladydesigner]

he's not flirting nor giving me extra attention, only a friendly attention, that's all.

 

It's only friendly attention while you are hoping for something more? I'm confused as to what the point of this post is.

[LivingWaterPlease]

if you were married to this man would you want another woman experiencing the relationship you're experiencing with him?

[Imajerk17]

BaileyB, he likes me as a friend, and I am happy with that. We spend some time together as friends would, share life stories and challenges, share insights, advice, etc.

 

It's worth it.

 

But, you aren't really his friend. You'd really want to come between him and his wife and break him family up so you can have him to yourself--"grow old with him"--words in your opening post.

 

It's actually an emotional affair, as @BaileyB and others already noted. Although as there doesn't seem to be any mention how he feels, it may be ONE-SIDED.

 

MEanwhile, I am curious what you are asking in this thread/why you posted. Is it to draw attention to yourself, to have someone to talk some sense into you, or are you looking for a bunch of 'you go girl!' posts. You should realize that most responses will tend towards critical of you.

Edited October 3, 2017 by Imajerk17

[niji]

MEanwhile, I am curious what you are asking in this thread/why you posted. Is it to draw attention to yourself, to have someone to talk some sense into you, or are you looking for a bunch of 'you go girl!' posts. You should realize that most responses will tend towards critical of you.

 

I think she posted somewhere either in this thread, or another thread (that she gave links to), that she wants to share, to get it off her chest in other words.

 

@oldbutcurious: the way you described your feelings towards this man is very similar to the way I felt towards a MM once. It was very strong and intense; even though we were only working together (on a project in a different country with a large NGO) for 3 months, after coming home and no longer seeing him, I cried every day for a good 2 weeks, had no appetite and basically was pretty sick. I was no longer myself for a while. I had the same "it's him or nobody else" feeling, feelings that I didn't have for anybody else (even as I was in love with them ), so I do understand that sometimes connections like this happen.

 

However, I also think part of the feelings was definitely boosted by the understanding that it was impossible for us to proceed beyond friends (we were, at least in my opinion, extremely appropriate all the way until the very last moment). I accepted that I was hopelessly in love, and he liked me as a friend (unlike your case, he shared a lot about his wife and how they were best friends/in love). But after I calmed down (it tooks months), I realized that had I met him when both he and I were single, I probably would not feel as strongly towards him. Maybe more strongly than the others, but not to the point of feeling sick afterwards and feeling like I could die.

 

I think you planning to remain friends with a MM is very dangerous. At best, it would eventually make you miserable; at worst, it would also do that, plus help create a broken family (not sure if you specified if they're separated, just read the part that his wife isn't visible via social media/conversations). In my opinion, very passionate feelings can't be turned into a platonic relationships; and once my feelings for them die down, I'm no longer interested in remaining friends, but maybe that's just me, all or none If I were you, I would consider ending the relationship and just cherish the memories you already had; much better than let future events ruin these nice memories when everything is still "innocent".

[MandoGirl]

Well, the only thing keeping this from being an affair is him. So you need to ask yourself some hard questions. Are you willing to be the other woman? If you’re not, pull up now because I think by the end of the month, you’ll be going from “we are just good friends” to “I don’t know how it happened.”