When xMM moves on to another OW

[BourneWicked]

OMG, never give a narcissist ammunition by telling him/her how you feel! Now he gets to revel in this new woman's attention and also in your jealousy. Double bang for the buck.

 

So what to do...

 

Maybe you could hang out in the doorway of your office with your phone on video?

 

Failing that...

 

I think actually grey rock is one of the better solutions for dealing with narcs/sociopaths. They get off on making you sad/angry/jealous/any feeling that puts the spotlight on them. I know it's tearing you up inside. I am dealing with 3 of them currently, and I am barely hanging on, but to them I am nothing but a grey rock. They will eventually get bored and move on. That's the theory anyway. Good luck.

 

Such good advice. I like what you say about narcissism and codependency too... that really resonated. I've always considered myself strong, and if anything I would think I might lean towards narcissistic (if I do I'm one of the nicer ones... hey, it's a defense mechanism!) and he would be the codependent. He's the chaser, he's the needy one. The last time I saw him in person, I saw the roles flip. I think I said... I've never seen someone so happy to see me falling apart.

 

I keep trying to remind myself of that when I feel the pull to get close to him again. Someone who loves you doesn't warm themselves over the fire of you being put on the pyre. I think he needed to watch me fall apart to know I cared. Probably, there was someone who left him in his life (like I had) and didn't care. So to finally get that from someone, to watch someone destroyed when he did the role reversal and walked away, probably meant a lot to him. No wonder he was smiling.

 

Unfortunately, the leaving puts me back into my childhood role of being left, which is cutting off all feeling. The more it happens, the less I'm able to feel it because I cut out those bits of me that are hurt piece by piece. Maybe, eventually, they'll be completely gone, but then I'll still have not resolved this issue with myself where I seek to, and feel the desire, or the deserve, to be left.

 

I'm feeling thoughtful and a little dark tonight. Appreciating this forum.

[jah526]

Hope you're doing okay Bourne. I think I'm getting better. It's been over a year now since I first posted here. People here really helped me out of a terrible situation.

[BourneWicked]

Jah, you are so encouraging. I feel like you're almost out of the woods.

 

This LC is a horrible kind of limbo. I wish he would just disappear, or I could.

 

I feel good that I've turned down requests to do things that would be outside the context of our work relationship, and that I've mostly minimized contact, but I wish that bandaid would just be ripped right off and I'd never have to hear his name again.

 

I care about him, he makes me laugh. I want the best for him. The best for me (for both of us really) would be to no longer exist in each others' lives.