Is looking for a committed relationship at my age useless?

[MajesticUnicorn]

That (the bolded) quite may very well be the reason why right there. I mean, I suppose you may meet someone 'extremely hot' like that and they feel incredible chemistry for you, too and want to be exclusive. But if you keep holding out for that, I suspect you will be waiting a long time.

 

It sounds to me that you are essentially trying to swim against the current. Seemingly every woman is lamenting the current 'hookup culture'. Well, who do you think is enjoying the hookup culture and why would they want to leave.

 

You might have better luck in finding a relationship if you were to give a more 'average' guy a chance. Someone who may not be 'super hot' but who is a good guy. The attraction on your end may grow.

 

 

You're absolutely right and I know it. That is the major thing I have to get over. I go for the hot guys, and the hot guys are the ones that are playing women. So I either need to accept that or start expanding my horizons..

 

I guess I struggle because I don't want to "settle." This may make me sound arrogant, but I feel like I know my worth and that makes it hard for me to go for the average joe. There have been times when I have and it usually doesn't go anywhere, and later on people question why I am going for someone whose league I am out of.

 

I know I shouldn't be comparing myself to others or their relationships, but then I see both of my sisters who have settled down with attractive guys, same with some of my friends. It seems like all of the guys that have the full package (attractive, good personality, stable in life) are already taken. Both of my sister's didn't meet their mates till they were 27 though, which is what made me question if it's just this age range that sucks for dating.

[Cookiesandough]

If I could have known I would have dated and got into more serious relationships younger. Most of the couples I know who are older and happily married met in high school or college. Mostly college. Single older people have a whole other range of issues like divorces or LTRs gone wrong which have embittered them or just get set in their ways. Not saying start scampering for a rship now, but don't put it off. Keep your eyes peeled because it's no cake walk either when older. Just read these boards.

[MajesticUnicorn]

If I could have known I would have dated and got into more serious relationships younger. Most of the couples I know who are older and happily married met in high school or college. Mostly college. Single older people have a whole other range of issues like divorces or LTRs gone wrong which have embittered them or just get set in their ways. Not saying start scampering for a rship now, but don't put it off. Keep your eyes peeled because it's no cake walk either when older. Just read these boards.

 

Yeah that is the tricky part. Some people say oh you're young you should enjoy your youth and not worry about settling down yet...but on the other hand it doesn't seem to get any easier the older you get.

 

That kind of leads into another interesting situation that has presented itself to me.

 

I dated this guy throughout college, and I mean it when I say he was the absolute perfect guy for me. Of course everyone has their flaws, but I really couldn't have asked for a better boyfriend. Ultimately he moved across the country and we did long distance, but it didn't work out. There were also other factors involved that led to our relationship failing, mostly on my end being young and immature. I really did believe I was going to marry the guy though, as did my family and friends and it was something we talked about. Anyway, long story short when we broke up it was always one of those things where we both thought our paths may cross again one day. We both had the same end goal of of ending up in the same city that we both love. He just got a job there, and I have actively been interviewing with places.

 

Anyway, not sure exactly how it happened but we somehow started getting in contact with each other again. Nothing crazy, but talking every few days or so. I do wonder if it's something worth pursuing or if it's something the door closed on long ago. I guess I will cross that bridge if *fingers crossed* I get a job in this new city and can move. I think that may also present more dating opportunities for me as I currently live in a college town where everyone is either in college, settled with families, or they're my age but still living the college lifestyle...

[MyOphelia]

Nope. I'm still not buying the "sex kitten" regardless of how you want to word it or how you want to change the subtleties of what you meant as a definition. Market yourself as such and then you'll be surprised when the marriage breaks down because "you've changed."

 

Always just be yourself.

 

Women marry men hoping they'll change. Men marry women, hoping they never do.

 

Whatever you "do" to attract your mate, if it is not an authentic part of who you are, how you are, and what you are, then your partner is falling for an audition and a costume.

 

The surest way into my pants is to be a good person. Don't try to "act" or "dress" any specific way, just be you. I believe this is the same mistake people make with losing weight. They (mistakenly) think that if they can just "get there" (hook the man, lose the weight), they'll automatically just know how to keep it. But thing is, they didn't learn the proper behaviour of what it will take to maintain your achievement.

 

If your relationship is based on sex, God help you when you age and your body naturally changes, your hormones drop, your prostate enlarges, your breasts sag, your body changes from kids, you can't lubricate, your drive changes, or if you have health problems or an accident. If the "glue" of your relationship is sex, there's nothing there to hold that straw house together as you two mature together as a couple.

 

Sex can be had anywhere and booty calls are easy. There's "girlfriend" material and there's "wife" material. The balance is where the mystery resides behind bedroom doors not on display as a trophy taken out of the case for the glory of others. You better bring more to the table than a crotch.

 

It depends on the caliber of man you want to attract. If you want someone simple, this "sex kitten" approach may work. I am more than that, and I also want more than that.

[preraph]

Most guys at your age are not ready for a permanent commitment or marriage or babies. As long as you don't accept anything less, you might find a good boyfriend who would last for awhile. But if a guy has many options, unless he's just not very social or hates dating, he will usually want some freedom and then maybe get that out of his system by the time he's 30 or over and start thinking about marrying someone.

[MajesticUnicorn]

Nope. I'm still not buying the "sex kitten" regardless of how you want to word it or how you want to change the subtleties of what you meant as a definition. Market yourself as such and then you'll be surprised when the marriage breaks down because "you've changed."

 

Always just be yourself.

 

Women marry men hoping they'll change. Men marry women, hoping they never do.

 

Whatever you "do" to attract your mate, if it is not an authentic part of who you are, how you are, and what you are, then your partner is falling for an audition and a costume.

 

The surest way into my pants is to be a good person. Don't try to "act" or "dress" any specific way, just be you. I believe this is the same mistake people make with losing weight. They (mistakenly) think that if they can just "get there" (hook the man, lose the weight), they'll automatically just know how to keep it. But thing is, they didn't learn the proper behaviour of what it will take to maintain your achievement.

 

If your relationship is based on sex, God help you when you age and your body naturally changes, your hormones drop, your prostate enlarges, your breasts sag, your body changes from kids, you can't lubricate, your drive changes, or if you have health problems or an accident. If the "glue" of your relationship is sex, there's nothing there to hold that straw house together as you two mature together as a couple.

 

Sex can be had anywhere and booty calls are easy. There's "girlfriend" material and there's "wife" material. The balance is where the mystery resides behind bedroom doors not on display as a trophy taken out of the case for the glory of others. You better bring more to the table than a crotch.

 

It depends on the caliber of man you want to attract. If you want someone simple, this "sex kitten" approach may work. I am more than that, and I also want more than that.

 

I definitely agree that you should be genuine and authentic. I don't ever want to pretend to be something I'm not in order to hook a guy. Personally I know I don't struggle with attracting guys sexually...but unfortunately that does sometime lead to becoming involved with guys who are just using me. I think I am just in the process of finding a balance.

 

Most guys at your age are not ready for a permanent commitment or marriage or babies. As long as you don't accept anything less, you might find a good boyfriend who would last for awhile. But if a guy has many options, unless he's just not very social or hates dating, he will usually want some freedom and then maybe get that out of his system by the time he's 30 or over and start thinking about marrying someone.

 

Ahhh! I hope I will find a guy ready to settle down before he's 30 but who knows. It's just crazy to me that it takes that long to get out of their system. After two years of dating around, I'm sick of it. I guess my hope is to find someone on the same page as me. Not that I need marriage or babies or a ring anytime soon...just a relationship sounds better than going through this cycle of dating and hooking up with guys.

[ZHguy]

Oh don't feel that it's you!

 

It's because you're dating boys, not men. I don't know about you, but I always thought it was okay for a girl to date guys at least a couple years older. Even then you'll find boys in that age group.

 

You need to weed out the boys from the men. And when you do, you'll find happiness in a relationship where both of you have mutual feelings and goals.

 

P.S. When I mean older, I don't just mean a year or two older, because 1. guys mature later on, and 2. a lot of 25 year olds are still boys.

[MajesticUnicorn]

Oh don't feel that it's you!

 

It's because you're dating boys, not men. I don't know about you, but I always thought it was okay for a girl to date guys at least a couple years older. Even then you'll find boys in that age group.

 

You need to weed out the boys from the men. And when you do, you'll find happiness in a relationship where both of you have mutual feelings and goals.

 

P.S. When I mean older, I don't just mean a year or two older, because 1. guys mature later on, and 2. a lot of 25 year olds are still boys.

 

Yup I have unfortunately found out that many 25 year olds are so immature as can be.

 

I may start to expand my horizons and date older. But it is reassuring to know that this seems to be pretty standard behavior with guys my age. Hopefully I have learned my lesson.