Girlfriend's career/goals

[major_merrick]

I'm not sure this is the right section - it's more about someone else's self-improvement than my own....

 

I've been working a long time - most of my life. I'm pretty attached to my accomplishments. I've lifted myself out of poverty, I'm financially well off, and I live with my two beautiful girlfriends. But something has been kind of nagging at the back of my mind lately.

 

My GF#1 has a job - a good flexible one. She makes decent money, works from home, and sets her own hours. She's creative and content, and has a great work/life balance. When GF#2 came into the relationship, GF#1 became even happier. We don't need more money than we have, but I'm wondering why it seems like GF#2 has no ambition in her life. She likes to write and has been "aspiring" to be a writer for a long time. It just hasn't happened. She's smart and has talent, but doesn't seem to be motivated to use it.

 

GF#2 is a great housekeeper. She cooks, cleans, and takes care of lots of things out of the goodness of her heart. She certainly contributes a lot of value to our household and our relationship. She's happy, too. But I wonder if I ought to encourage/nudge her in the direction of doing something with her talents, or should I just leave her be since she seems content?. Am I biased to think that someone whose got a gift should use it?

[Soak]

I'm wondering if GF#2 is relaxing because she knows things are taken care of by you and GF#1?

 

I don't know if you're being biased by thinking that because somebody has talent, they should use it. One thing I do know is that if somebody is not motivated to use it, for whatever reason, they will not, until they are ready to.

[major_merrick]

Before she lived with us, she was taken care of by her parents. She sometimes worked part time, but was generally unemployed. She spent a lot of time hanging out at my house too... She's just generally unmotivated. I don't mind it, I just want what's best for her.

[camillalev]

Some people are happiest taking care of the home and the people they care for. Maybe that's her? Some people are just content until at some point they become stagnant and unhappy and need change. Some people are fine just living and under-utilizing their natural talents because life is pretty ok and there's nothing to really complain about.. until something big happens, like a break up or getting cheated on. Then they launch an entirely new career doing what they've always wanted but was never motivated to do, get fit, new haircut, etc. Depends on what kind of person your gf is. Maybe she just loves taking care of the house and doing writing as a hobby. It's also really difficult to get other people to take on their passions in a big way, the effort will usually be lukewarm until they really have their own internal drive to do it.

[Soak]

I don't mind it, I just want what's best for her.

 

What happens if you break up and she has neither her parents or you to fall back on? Do you think you're enabling her, or doing the best thing by her?

[major_merrick]

What happens if you break up and she has neither her parents or you to fall back on? Do you think you're enabling her, or doing the best thing by her?

 

I'm not so much expecting a break up as I am looking at the reality that I am not going to live forever. She's younger than I am by several years, and my life expectancy is likely shorter than normal. Or if I get hurt and can't work and earn money the same way I do now.... This is stuff I wonder about.

 

I feel like I ought to give her a nudge toward doing something in life, but I also don't want to make her feel bad. I'm not always the most delicate person when I bring something up, so I've avoided saying anything.