Barely married and afraid of what is to come...

[Grasshopper]

First of all, I will start by telling you that I have a wife that I love with all my heart. However, her life with me, apparently, was not good enough so it appears that our marraige is coming to an end.

 

Why is it so hard to find someone faithful, loyal and fun? My life consists of coiach my kids soccer and baseball teams, camping (in an air conditioned camper) every chance we get with the kids and several other families. We cruise once a year, and make it over to the Rockies once a year. I do not mind the occasional trip to Vegas or other gambling location, but that is just for my wife. I prefer camping next to w white water river cooking a steak on the grill, swimming and riding atvs with our kids and all of our friends. This has been my life for years and I loved it. My wife could choose to work or not work. We do not require her income. We live in a gated community in a house I never thought I could afford. Every aspect of my life from my job, to my wife and my kids has exceeded my expectations. Now, here I am on the verge of divorce, and all I ever wanted was a wife that would love me and enjoy life with me.

 

Now, I do drink on occasion... once a month. I do not smoke or do any drugs. I do not go to church but have no problem with those that do. I have disagreed with my wife and argued, however, I thought I did so respectfully... could have been wrong?? I work out and take care of myself. I am more fit today than I was the day I got married.

 

All that being said, I am not sure what to look for, if anything, in a woman in the future. I do not know what else to do to please a woman in excess of what I have done in the past... And, this is and has never been a sex issue. We have always had a great active sex life, and for the most part that continues even though she will soon be leaving. She even asked for "visitation". So, whatever our problem was/is, it is not that shallow an issue.

 

Anyway, I will soon be single and have low expectations for my future love life. I don't think I ask for much but apparently, what I did ask for was too much. I am very confused and frustrated. I love being married and I dread the idea of dating. What am I going to do???

[westernxer]

What are her reasons for leaving you?

 

[Grasshopper]

She does not necessarily want to leave. I found out several months ago that she was involved with another married man she described as a friend. However, she called him 20 times and day, and I know they met in private at least once that I can prove. His wife knew nothing of my wife, so the friend thing is not holding up well with me. All I want from her is to admit the truth and apologize. The problem is that the truth seems to evolve over time as her story seems to change. Just as his wife found out about my wife, she also finds out that she is pregnant. So, it seems that the pregnancy put a damper on their "friendship", because their "friendship" went on behind my back until my wife got the news that his wife was pregnant. But, even after that, she was caught in several lies.

 

So, the answer to your question is that the divorce is my unfortunate decision. If she would be accountable for her actions and apologize, I would do everything within my power to let it go.

[westernxer]

Tragic...

 

At the very least, you should get some counseling for yourself, just to clear your mind and such. Is your wife up for it as well? Sounds like she isn't.

 

[Mary3]

You need to know you did the very best as a husband

 

But unfortunately , your wife , at some point , met this man , she refers to as her * friend *.

 

Sorry I am not buying that and neither should you. Calling him 20 times a day and knowing they have met alone ( without the knowledge at the time of either you or his wife ) means only one thing.

 

Did it get sexual ? She will deny that to the end. It may have. It may have more than once. You don't know about the 20 phone calls or what was said.

 

She may have fallen in love with him. Now the baby puts a damper on her plans.

 

But HE takes alot of blame too ! He has a wife and he is emotionally involved ( or more ) with your wife. Your wife is married to you and is emotionally involved ( or more ) with another man.

 

You did NO wrong. You did what most women might dream for . A good man who does his best.

 

You are an outdoorsy type . She liked different things...It did not mesh.

 

I know there is someone else out there for you when you recover from the loss of what you had. Someone who will appreciate how loving and giving you are.

 

You have a long road ahead.

 

Please post here. We care

[mental_traveller]

You didn't do anything wrong, the problem lies with her, not you. So stop questioning yourself & your actions. Personally I would divorce even if she apologises - you have no guarantee she will not do this again in future, and the adage "once a cheat, always a cheat" has some merit. She's a liar, a fraud, a coward, and not the woman you thought you were marrying - I say ditch her and find someone better suited to you.

[Grasshopper]

BTW, we both agreed to marraige counseling. She sat there and lied to the counselor and belittled me in front of her. I spoke with the counselor privately and voiced my concerns. If she is willing to sit there and lie repeatedly to the counselor, what was the point of counseling. The counselor agreed. She then told me she was going to try one last push to get her to open up and be accountable for her actions. She told me not to get upset with her, but she was going to suggest the polygragh test just to shut me up... of course, my wife said absolutely not. I asked the marriage counselor if she thought my wife was telling the truth, she said no. The question that remain, was could I live with what she had done, whether it was physical or not, and could i live with the continuing lies. My wife would lie to me about the simplist things. For example, even after this happened, I took her on a trip to Tunica. She lied twie before she finally told me the amount of cash she took with which to gamble. I could care less whether she blew $500 or $1000 gambling, but the fact that honest and regaining trust is the most important thing in our lives right now, and this was just one more blow to me.

 

Now, as far as me being the outdoorsy type, I do like the mountains and spending time with my son around a camp fire, but I do provide nice accomodations for my wife. She says she enjoys the trips. But, I do believe she enjoys the cruises and casino trips even more. I always try to keep her happiness in mind. We have taken a few trips to Colorado snow skiing, snow mobiling and white water rafting. Even on those trips, we took time out to go to the casinos and shopping centers. I know life and relationships invovle compromise. I just enjoy spending time with her and my family. The outdoor trips seem more family oriented to me, and I know my son really enjoys these trips with his friends.

 

Now, as of last night, she has agreed to joint physical custody. The asset allocation issues are meaningless to me as long as I get to spend as much time with him as possible. She says she will agree to that now, but with not sign a marital agreement that will agree to the same arrangement in the future. I am not sure what that means or from where she is coming. What i do know is that the offer is on the table now, so I have to take it while I can. So, I will call today and arrange the first meeting with the divorce attorney.

 

Grasshopper

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

Originally posted by Mary3

You need to know you did the very best as a husband

 

But unfortunately , your wife , at some point , met this man , she refers to as her * friend *.

 

Sorry I am not buying that and neither should you. Calling him 20 times a day and knowing they have met alone ( without the knowledge at the time of either you or his wife ) means only one thing.

 

Did it get sexual ? She will deny that to the end. It may have. It may have more than once. You don't know about the 20 phone calls or what was said.

 

Even after my exH saw the 68 phone calls on my detailed cell phone bill one month I denied it was sexual. The OM was a "friend" helping me through the rough time after H and I had already decided to separate.

 

You did NO wrong. You did what most women might dream for . A good man who does his best.

 

You are an outdoorsy type . She liked different things...It did not mesh.

 

So you think you did everything you could and things that every woman would dream of. Obviously not if she still cheated. Did you two ever talk about things or did you just do what you thought she wanted you to do? Did she ever try to tell you what she wanted or did she expect you to read her mind and get silently upset and leave you wondering wtf?

 

I'm not trying to be harsh, because it takes two to communicate, and in my situation we were both to blame, and I believe that in your case it was also both of you not communicating your needs to each other. And now it appears to be too late. She will never EVER admit to having an affair. I haven't admitted anything to this day. The biggest thing was the fear of losing my kids. And yet, you're the one who is worried about not seeing your kids enough.

 

We didn't have a bad marriage. We did lots of fun stuff together, with the kids, camping, cycling, trips (nothing elegant cuz money was an issue). But our goals seemed to go in different directions after a while, and alot of subjects became touchy to talk about and we just irritated each other. All I wanted, really, was more physical affection. I don't care if he vaccuumed and did laundry, I just wanted to come home from work and be held and be told how much I mean to him. And to be pampered with a nice evening out once in a while and forget how much a babysitter costs for frickin once. That was just me.

 

It's easy to overlook the simple things, the little things that may seem meaningless to the giver, but to the receiver, it tells her that she is your world.

[EnigmaXOXO]

If your post is an honest reflection of the kind of husband you were, then the breakdown of your marriage had little to do with you. I agree with the others that it is your wife who seems to have some serious issues that need to be addressed professionally.

 

When adultery is involved, as the betrayed spouse, I wouldn't be so eager to go down without a good fight. Particularly when it comes to your children and financial well-being. If adultery can be proven (via private investigator) perhaps it will hamper her ability to take you to the financial cleaners.

 

I understand "joint custody." That's fair. But I wish more men in your situation would fight harder for custodianship of their children. This way, you have a better chance of keeping your primary residence and your wife will be ordered by the court to pay child support, instead. Which means getting her lazy, cheating butt out there to work rather than benefiting from her misadventures by getting a "free ride."

 

I know for a fact that courts have awarded primary custody to fathers who can prove infidelity. It happened to my own sister.

 

So glad you have made an appointment to see an attorney. Tell him everything and perhaps this will turn out much better for you than you think.

[Grasshopper]

I hope you do not think my response is harsh...

 

First of all, in our relationship, I was and have always been extremely attracted to my wife. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, and I do not mean in the sense that she is the mother of my child beauty, but from the sense that if she was a stranger on the street, I would be in awe. Our physical relationship could not have been better, we had an extremely active sex life, meaning we were "together" every other day after 9 years. I did and do listen to her feelings, and I have always tried to be understanding and thoughtful, even when I did not "get it". While I try to be the best husband I can be, I am still a man and I know I miss things.

 

Now, on to you... it sounds as if you find the lack of emotional or physical fulfillment to be justification for an extramarital affair. I disagree. If something was missing in my relationship, I would have addressed the issue with the person I professed my love and devotion to. My vows, including the one about being faithful, meant something. I made a lifelong commitment that involved more than just myself and my own selfish needs. We have a son that needs both of us. If I had the problems that you apparently had, I would have talked about it with her. If that was not productive, I would have seek professional counseling. I would not have turned to another woman, or, worse yet, another man's wife. So, in my opinion, marriage is an emotional and financial commitment. Marriage vows should be taken seriously. That being said, I disagree with you assessment of my situation. In addition to that, it almost seems as you are still trying to justify whatever it is that you did that you know was wrong.

 

Now, it is a given that I did not fill all of her needs. AND, for that I am sorry. But, she had the opportunity to resolve whatever issues she had within our marriage. She never mentioned counseling. Hell, I did not even know there was a problem until the affair was apparent.

 

So, I hope you not take offense to my response. This is just my opinion and who am I to give relationship advice... soon to be divorced twice.

 

Grasshopper

[Grasshopper]

Enigma,

 

The fact is that I have no desire to get full custody. My son needs his mom as much as he needs me. We plan to do the joint physical custody and make the swap every Sunday night. I will pay her some child support just to help her out. But, she does have a career and makes $50K a year. The fact is that I love her and want the best for her. I also love my son and want the best for him. What I do not want is to lose him to her. I did not walk out on this relation****, she did. I do not think I deserve to lose him.

 

Now, as far as assets go, I am keeping the house and giving her basically anything she wants out of it. I am keeping all the debt, and buying her out of her equity in the home. She will leave with a fully furnished rental home with her BMW paid in full. In the end, on paper, it will be basically a 50/50 split of the assets, with her assets being more liquid. We would sell the home, but it would not bring what it is worth at this time... or yet it would, and therein lies the problem. So, I will hang onto it for now.

 

Thanks for the advice.

 

Grasshopper

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

No offense taken. I'm not trying to justify anything. My marriage was over. We went for counselling - at two different times (several sessions). We talked about the problems but not until it was too late. We agreed to try and work on our marriage, but neither of us actually did anything...he said his heart wasn't in it, and never forgave me for leaving him 3 yrs earlier (for 3 months). I worked so hard those 3 years and as soon as I started to feel comfortable again in my own home, he changed and I never really figured out why. He said he felt I didn't like him (WTF?). I was just trying to figure out why he didn't want to have sex with me (we went for 9 months without it).

 

Do you think there is a chance that she didn't have sex with the OM? If you gave her the benefit of the doubt, would you be able to fully trust her and forgive her for the emotional affair? Does it matter that much to you if she admits to having sex, or is the admission of an emotional affair enough to start rebuilding? IE Would it make a difference as long as you are working on repairing the marriage?

 

If she wants "out" then I don't think she needs to admit to anything. That is, unless she plans on taking you to the cleaners in which case I doubt it because she's probably crapping her pants thinking you are going to screw her over (if she did cheat).

 

As long as both of you agree to do what is best for the kids, and don't get them caught in the middle. We split everything 50-50 including assets, custody, and there is no child support/alimony because we earn the same income. We are still very good friends, or at least it is all amicable and we communicate where the kids are concerned and do what's best for them as far as both attending their activities, and we both are flexible with our schedules (expecially for the summer break)! They seem to have adjusted wonderfully.

[EnigmaXOXO]

Not "full" custody…"custodianship." Which means your son's primary address will be the same as yours regardless of the swapping back and forth. Which means mom can't decide to skip to another state taking your son with her.

 

All this will be talked about with your attorney, I'm sure. As I've gathered from your last post, it isn't the first time you've been through this ordeal.

 

Curious to hear what he/she has to say if you don't mind continuing to keep us updated.

 

I think you're being MORE than generous given the situation, and I know this has a lot to do with you just wanting to be done with the whole ugly mess. There are just times when it distresses me to see males always having to take the financial blow to the gut when the courts often unfairly side with the wives/mothers…regardless of fault.

 

Hey…if you decide to try this marriage thing a third time around…perhaps it would be in your best interests to consider a prenup. Too many ex-wives can get expensive!

[Grasshopper]

It sounds like you did what you could to save your marriage before getting involved with another man. And, in addition to that, it is beyond my comprehension going without sex for 9 months or days for that matter. I think it plays a big role in how I show my love for my wife. So, for me personally, it is hard to put myself in his shoes, or yours for that mater. It sounds like your marriage had serious issues as did mine. The difference is that i did not even know it.

[Grasshopper]

Enigma,

If I ever do decide to marry again, there will be a prenuptial agreement. I even tried to put in place a marital agreement, or post nuptial this week. And, the asset allocation was still to be 50/50 even though she is at fault. But, she refused to commit now to the joint physical custody if we divorced in the future, which makes no sense to me. She will do it now, but not commit in the vent we divorce two years from now. I am afraid that her willingness to to it now hinges somewhat on the fact that I might actually have a chance at full custody given her transgressions. In addition to that, I am the one that takes him to and from school. I am the one that took him to and from daycare as a baby and toddler. i do coach his soccer team and help with his baseball team. I have always been the one to take him to the doctor, even as a baby to get shots. So, the courts in Texas cannot base custody on the gender of the parent, and look to the evidence to decide which parent is more nurturing and best for the child. The fact is that I have a chance and that scares her. But, the truth is, I would not do that to him or to her. I know he needs balance in his life and we, together, provide that for him. I would offer her the same arrangement even if all the cards were clearly in my hands.

 

Now, the agreement requires we both stay in the same school district, which I am willing to do. However, I will address the issue you brought up with my attorney to establish ground rules on the geographical issues.

 

Grasshopper

[Neptune]

I`m no pro on this issue by a long shot. but, something I keep noticing everywhere. And I mean everywhere. Probably everyone has heard the term nice guys finish last. Well, it seems that some people just get bored with their circumstances. And I think the nice guy finishing last comes into play because you do what works. There is no challange or mystery. It is a shame that some will turn and walk away from a good person. But, that is what I see happening. Money, assets, great homes, vacations....you name it, ultimately will not make some happy. The bottom line is there is nothing you could have done.

[Mary3]

There is alot going on here Grasshopper.

 

First and foremost : She has most likely ( odds 99.9% ) been intimate in some way with this other man. From simple touching to full sex. You will probrobly NEVER get her to tell you so I would go into the assumption that * something * happened that was likely inappropriate for a married women to do with another man.

 

The next issue " Lifebeginsat40 said something to the effect that you must have done something wrong. Lets take ALL you did that was RIGHT and compare that with WHAT you did wrong.

 

I have to tell you it does not matter at this point what you did wrong for 2 reasons :

 

1) She has done * something * with this friend because she was bored...or liked to take risk...or wanted to see something * new * or a million other reasons so we can assume * something * happened for which she may never tell you. She lacked for something you could not provide. So for the sake of reasoning : She was looking for something out there and found * it *

 

2) Marraige counseling is NOT going to work if she plays coy, and lies , and denies. She has to say " John ( your name ) I need to be honest with you and tell you that I did something that ended up hurting you and the kids. I want this marraige and I want help " At THAT point the ball is in your court to say " Honey I want us to get help and I can try to forgive for whatever happened " But that is NOT what is happening.

 

3 ) Get a lawyer ASAP . You might be able to get partial or full custody. She does not deserve to reap the benefits of ALL the wonderful things and be unfaithful ( if she has been,~ I think yes ) and take you to the cleaners.

 

4 ) Get checked for STD's. Pronto !

 

5 ) Rememeber that no matter how good and kind you are to someone they can hurt you and become *blind* to you and their surroundings and all the GOOD things you did. For some . you being GOOD means : they tried to suck the life out of you. Don't change who you * are * just be more careful who you give of yourself....

 

Please get started on a new path. I personally would NOT trust her. She is NOT coming out with the truth. Not even * close *..

[Grasshopper]

It seems that we go back and forth not getting anywhere. I think my request to her is simple. I think the relationship was more than a friendship. I also think she lied to me about several issues of importance. The only thing I ask of her is honesty. If I am wrong, prove it to me and take the polygragh test. If I am right, she needs to admit to her transgression and apologize. Her argument is that the test, even if she passes it, will not solve all of our issues. Which, to me, is obvious. Not many relationships are perfect and without disagreements. I do not expect a polygragh test to solve all of our problems, but I do see it as a step toward building trust, assuming she has told the truth. I also am aware that some people are opposed to polygragh test. I probably would be too, if it were not for the fact that I have listened to lie after lie for the last year. Her story has changed many times. I just want some confirmation that the current story is true.

 

All that being said, she will not confess or prove her innocence. She filled out the application for a rent house today, and will move out next week. We meet with the attorney tomorrow at 2PM. I guess marriage number two and the woman I thought was my soul mate and the love of my life will soon be a thing of the past. To be honest, it makes me sick to even think about it. I can't even imagine what it will be like once she is gone, and I am sitting around the house alone considering the wisdom of my decision to place this requirement on her. I just feel that if she is not accountable for her actions now, she will never take responsibility for the things that she does... and will probably feel free to do it again at some point.

 

Maybe, I should just square up and let someone kick me in the balls. It would probably feel better than this.

[Mary3]

She is refusing to take a polygraph and is steadfast in her lies because she is LYING.

 

Simple : She is L Y I N G

 

What can you do ? : Protect your assets immediately. Remove whatever monies you can from your accounts ( that you are legally able to do so ) and secure your property.

 

This is now *War*. She has moved out.

 

I will bet my next paycheck that she has plans with her * friend *

 

She is * free * of you now. She is NOT even TRYING to save your marraige.

 

She is getting her own place. ( For a reason ) To be with him . And to get on with her life.

 

Grasshopper she is NOT feeling your pain.

 

Please protect your sexual future by getting tested.

 

Protect your kids by insuring partial custody and liberal visitation.

 

You will be extremely vulnerable in the coming weeks. If her and bf dont work out she will be begging you for money or help or to come back.

 

PLEASE PLEASE don't take her back. You will be deluding yourself. She will continute to use you again.

 

Please look at your future. SHe is part of your past now. She will quickly show you how that is very true.

 

She is history.

 

She / You have the kids though...Forever linked....but not linked to her personally in any respect other than the father of her kids..

 

Stop trying to get her to take polygraphs. Her denial seems proof of admission of guilt.

 

Thats my take on the polygraph.]

 

You need to get BUSY !

 

Later you can be sad. But NOW take care of your future. !

 

Please post here. I am sure we will see some of her *games* popping up.

 

We will try to help if we can.

[Grasshopper]

Mary3,

I really appreciate your responses and I thank you for not sugar-coating things. It seems that I get alot of that from our mutual friends because they are afraid of what will happen if we do stay together. So, they do not pass judgment for the most part and attempt to stay neutral, even though the guys(the husbands) call BS when we talk privately.

 

She has agreed to what I consider to be a somewhat fair distribution of the assets and joint physical custody. I am going to take the deal while it is still on the table. If she ends up with him, they deserve each other.

 

I am depressed, bit I guess that s to be expected. I do have this irrational fear of being alone. The fact is that I love being married and having a family to which to come home. I love my wife and my son. It is sad that my life has come to this.

 

Anyway, thank you again. Sometimes you need someone to talk to that is not emotional involved.

 

Greg

[Mary3]

Afraid of being alone....I struggled with that because in my entire life I always had relationships until about a year ago.

 

That was very hard but I took that time to get to know myself....learn to love myself....learned it was okay to be alone and have time to myself...

 

No matter how busy you keep it still gets lonely even for me so I keep busy for those *blue* times. They will lesson with some time. In your case you have a big load .

 

Once you have healed you can look forward to your future. Right now you dont want to cling to someone because rebounds dont work when one is carrying baggage the e-x-y left behihd.

 

 

You should be researching...learning...getting stronger....I know all that is hard to do when your world is falling apart.

 

I would just take your day hour by hour and then thankfully one day it wont hurt as much as it does today.

 

Your friends want it to work because thats all they know : John and Judy ( insert your names ) They of course want you to not feel pain..., they may equate ending of a marriage as failure.

 

But I equate the ending of a unhealthy relationship with RECOVERY.

 

Nobody says this won't hurt. Its going to be agonizing in your alone times when she is gone.

 

Thats where you reach out and start learning about YOU. Your love for yourself and your kids need to be paramount now.

 

She has opened a new chapter in her life. You are not included.

 

You need to strongly focus on the things she did that were not *nice*. I know your playbacks are of *sweet memories* but she was not sweet to get involved with someone behind your back.

 

Thats pure *u know what* ...

 

You can post here and read the thousands of posts before you when you have some learning time. You will be amazed to see how many men walk in your shoes...

[Grasshopper]

well, we meet the attorney in two hours. We have all of our assets divided on a spreadsheet with our mutually agreeable custody arrangement. She keeps mentioning just getting separated for a while. However, I am not good at that. I am either off or on. I can't be in limbo any longer. This whole thing just makes me sick to my stomach. The problem is that I still love her.

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

Originally posted by Grasshopper

well, we meet the attorney in two hours. We have all of our assets divided on a spreadsheet with our mutually agreeable custody arrangement. She keeps mentioning just getting separated for a while. However, I am not good at that. I am either off or on. I can't be in limbo any longer. This whole thing just makes me sick to my stomach. The problem is that I still love her.

 

Keep telling yourself that you both need this break. Whether it's permanent or not, you will need time to yourself to get over the hurt. Are you going for more counselling?

 

She wants the break so she can sleep with someone else, whether or not she already has this will remove some of her guilt that she may be feeling. For me, when we first separated a few years ago, that was the main reason. How can I be married if I want to be with someone else? The only logical answer to me was to leave so that's what I did (but we didn't involve any lawyers that time).

 

I would say that if everything is getting split, it is more permanent than she wants you to believe.

[Mary3]

Very Important Point Lifebeginsat40 made : I can say the same in this way : She wants to sleep with him and this way she wont feel guilty.

 

But when all the clouds clear maybe someday she will realize what she lost.

 

But you can't * wait * everytime she gets the inkling to develop feelings for another person. *Wait* for her to have some time for herself....

 

You want a stable faithful partner, not a wishy washy confused person.

 

Yes , you love her.

 

But I dont think she is in love with you anymore. Not saying that to hurt you but its to make you wake up sooner.

 

Someday you will come back on here and be able to look back on this and be glad you have done what is right for you.

 

No-one can tell you what the right thing is to do but we can make you aware of things that don't sit right :

 

Like refusing to take polygraphs.

Refusing to admit what she did.

Refusing to take a active role in counseling where she addresses what has happened.

Standing in a lawyers office splitting assets. Her main focus should have been to assauge your wounds and help you to heal and make your marraige stronger.

 

Good Luck and post back

[Grasshopper]

Well, I have not been as strong as I thought I would be. I spoke with my family about this finally. That, of course, would like us to work things out and stay together. I could tell that my father was very disappointed. So, after much thought about what was to be gained or lost, I told her i did not want a divorce Friday night. She seemed more depressed than ever. We had a weird weekend. I was surprised at her reaction to my withdrawal of the divorce request and my telling her I did not care or even want to think about whatever she did or did not do. After washing her car Sunday morning, she came out into the driveway and asked me to come inside. She told me she still wanted to move out and get the divorce. I basically begged with as much dignity as one can have pleading for one's marriage, but she did not budge. She has made up her mind and will sign a lease in the next day or two and take off Friday to move.

 

 

She says that I was just playing head games with her. That was/is not the case. I guess I am not allowed to think about my family and my priorities in life of get advice from family members that actually care about me. Now, keep in mind that my father is very religious and sings in a gospel quartet. Divorce should be avoided at all cost. Anyway, it almost seems as if this is what she has wanted for months. She just wanted me to do it. Now, it seems, if I don't, she will.