Wife of over 10 years has changed - Trying to keep up

[Dopedog]

Hello All,

 

 

I appreciate you taking the time to read this. A few months back, my wife's son graduated high school. She started early, and had him when she was 20. We have two children together. Him graduating triggered what I can only describe as a mid-life crisis.

 

 

Background, we have been married for almost 15 years. In that 15 years, it's been tumultuous and difficult. Not all the time, but some of the time. In the past two years, we've fallen into a routine / rut. Neither her nor I have had much of a social life at all.

 

 

Fast forward to a few months ago, I met new friend that I thought we could both be friends with. Couple our age, kids, etc. My wife was hesitant. One day, I asked her to give my friend (a male) a ride to another town to help out. She did, and felt an admitted connection. During the same time, she had started going out more often, once every couple weeks or so. Without me. Out to the beach, the store, the bar. All by herself. She also lost a bunch of weight. I began to get suspicious, and snooped through her phone one night. I found texts to my friend that were flirtatious in nature. Nothing overt or blatant, just flirty. I began to pay attention to their body language when we were out, and I didn't like it. I confronted her and admitted that I had snooped through her phone. She apologized and said there was nothing going on at all. I asked her very directly if she had feelings for him, and admitted an attraction and connection, but reiterated nothing occurred that was inappropriate.

 

 

Now, in the present day, I'm a mess. She still chats with him via text and I noticed via FaceBook Messenger the other day. My day is consumed with thoughts that my wife is unhappy with me and perhaps looking for someone else. She insists there are no issues short of my insecurity. I've talked to her so much lately about the issue that she's tired of talking. I've told her that I needed more from her in terms of affection / love, and she says she doesn't think she can give me that.

 

 

I don't want to lose my family. I don't want to lose my wife. Despite our past, I love her more than anything. Over the past 60 days I've busted my butt to be the best husband I can be, and show her how much I love and appreciate her. I feel like that behavior may only be pushing her further away. I don't want this to be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

 

I feel like the problem may be me, admittedly. I don't know how to make myself feel better and at the same time save my marriage. My thoughts are consumed with the possibility of her infidelity and her not being happy with me any longer. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

 

This will not end well.

[S2B]

Um....why don't you talk to your "friend" and tell him to back his ass off or things will get very unfriendly... before you tell his wife about the flirtations between him and your wife?

 

 

Why don't you try protecting your marriage?

 

For sure! This guy is a threat to your marriage and your wife is pursuing him!

 

Expose to his wife! Do that immediately!

 

He's no friend!

 

Your wife needs counseling! If she won't go then she should move out!

 

YOU haven't done wrong - she has! Do not be nice about this! She's Acting as if she's cheating. The secrecy indicates an affair. Expose her!

 

Protect your marriage and make demands that eliminate this OM!

 

 

Yes, I think she's cheating. She can start working full time and raising a family on her own! See how she likes a tough life! Make her miserable if she doesn't start respecting you/the marriage!

 

Stop being so nice while she's disrespecting your marriage!!

Edited October 27, 2017 by S2B

[Just a Guy]

I think the OP has gone into BS hibernation. Just bad luck for him and very sad. I guess some men need a good dose of testosterone to pump their manhood and start behaving like one. Best wishes.

[Cephalopod]

You can lead a horse to water...

[BarbedFenceRider]

She blew her time out with the "carousel" by having a kid in her 20s. Not by you btw...Now She meets the great beta to give her security and 15 years later, decides to leave you at home with the kids as the plan B. All the while, not very forthcoming with answers on fidelity. Not good at all. Time to plant your foot down. Its not just for the "kids" either my man. Its for you too. You matter in this relationship. I have a very bad feeling about this. And it makes me sad.