Just a Guy Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 Hi Jg81, I just had a look at your thread title again and thought to my self that you have got it wrong. Your so called 'Open Marriage' hasn't really stopped just that your current FB is no more available to you. If you find another suitable FB it will be fun and games all over again! You could say it has been paused I suppose. Just saying. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jg81 Posted October 20, 2017 Author Share Posted October 20, 2017 During? Definitely during. One of his favorite things is to listen to me do certain things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jg81 Posted October 20, 2017 Author Share Posted October 20, 2017 Hi Jg81, I just had a look at your thread title again and thought to my self that you have got it wrong. Your so called 'Open Marriage' hasn't really stopped just that your current FB is no more available to you. If you find another suitable FB it will be fun and games all over again! You could say it has been paused I suppose. Just saying. You are right it is more paused as opposed to stopped. I have no doubt there will be others in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted October 21, 2017 Share Posted October 21, 2017 You are right it is more paused as opposed to stopped. I have no doubt there will be others in the future. Honestly, I think you just suck it up. You have the luxury of approved extra-marital sex just about whenever you want it. In this one instance, one partner was no longer a viable option. Meant gently, get over it. And if you can’t manage to get over it without serious difficulty, then DKT3 may have a point that this OM has taken up too much space in your marriage. For what it’s worth, I don’t think he’s right, which is why I suggest you get over it. You have nearly everything you could ask for. Quit pining for the one thing you cannot. You’re not entitled to play single when married but you’ve managed to obtain a bonus. So quit complaining. Know what I mean? #firstworldproblems 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted October 21, 2017 Share Posted October 21, 2017 Honestly, I think you just suck it up. You have the luxury of approved extra-marital sex just about whenever you want it. In this one instance, one partner was no longer a viable option. Meant gently, get over it. And if you can’t manage to get over it without serious difficulty, then DKT3 may have a point that this OM has taken up too much space in your marriage. For what it’s worth, I don’t think he’s right, which is why I suggest you get over it. You have nearly everything you could ask for. Quit pining for the one thing you cannot. You’re not entitled to play single when married but you’ve managed to obtain a bonus. So quit complaining. Know what I mean? #firstworldproblems You see, that's the problem. If what she was saying was really true this would be a non issue. "Hey, I would feel better if you no longer spent time with xyz" ...."ok hon, no problem". That isn't what's happening, she appears to be fighting to continue this relationship, and has gone from saying "I had great sex with OM, and great sex at home" to saying om is far better in bed and I'm not satisfied with my husband. I no many here hadn't noticed that shift in her thinking or the deeper implications this has on her relationship with her husband... This site isn't about being right, it's about providing insight for personal experience and or education. So how can anyone here be right or wrong, just stating opinions. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted October 21, 2017 Share Posted October 21, 2017 You are right it is more paused as opposed to stopped. I have no doubt there will be others in the future. After Ben? The only way your husband will allow you another man is if he is short, fat, bald, and extremely ugly with no social skills. And, hung like a mouse. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted October 21, 2017 Share Posted October 21, 2017 You see, that's the problem. If what she was saying was really true this would be a non issue. "Hey, I would feel better if you no longer spent time with xyz" ...."ok hon, no problem". That isn't what's happening, she appears to be fighting to continue this relationship, and has gone from saying "I had great sex with OM, and great sex at home" to saying om is far better in bed and I'm not satisfied with my husband. I no many here hadn't noticed that shift in her thinking or the deeper implications this has on her relationship with her husband... This site isn't about being right, it's about providing insight for personal experience and or education. So how can anyone here be right or wrong, just stating opinions. Bold: fact, your are correct. Underlined: opinion, and your opinion is wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
AMarriedMan Posted October 23, 2017 Share Posted October 23, 2017 I have seen countless wives become WW's once there marriage was opened. For it is not the values that she was raised with and of the society that she lives in. The woman wants to be valued and mate guarded. When her husband, lets another man have his wife he just greatly devalued himself in his wife's eyes and of society. This devaluing starts to eat away at the wife. Combined with the rush of new relationship sex she is set up to be seduced away by the OM. Whether he is single or married for if this wife. If single he has a woman willing to put out for him. He will grow accustomed to it and not want to give it up. If he has a GF or a wife but this HotWife/HW is better then he will make the move to trade up. So the HW feels devalued. Then the HW realizes the the husband is allowing her to risk getting STD's, another nail in the coffin. Then she realizes that her husband is allowing her to have sex and that there is no 100% full proof birth control, and he is willing to risk her OM knocking her up, another nail in the coffin. Then when the HW starts to play separate, another nail. Jg81, was having more sex 1 on 1 with her OM during those weeks than many married people do. Talk about chemically bonding. Now using a nail gun on the coffin. Then throw in the finishing nails in when the OM has bigger equipment, F's her like she has never been F'ed before, Then OM is her husbands boss heaps on more devaluing of her husband in the HW's mind for why can't husband get promoted, what a loser. OM makes a lot more money then my husband and take better care of me and my kids, oh husband is such a loser. Well said. I think that, at least for a vast majority of people, conservative and traditional values and practices work much better than arrangements like we're discussing in this thread. There's a ton of empirical observations and evolutionary psychological theory to back that up. The vast majority of us are simply not built for polyamory or even sexual non-monogamy practiced with consent and full approval from all parties concerned. That said, there are circumstances where a marriage may be worth not dissolving for various types of external reasons despite the cessation of emotional or physical intimacy. Also, the rare people capable of swinging or being in polyamorous relationships without catastrophic failure could apply evolutionary psychology (or common sense) in avoiding pitfalls in their love lives. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
IndigoNight Posted November 2, 2017 Share Posted November 2, 2017 (edited) OP, if you are still around to see this, here goes: I read through all of the posts, and wow, this is a pretty tough crowd! As I read through everything here, there were times that I physically cringed at the harshness illustrated. I am not going to agree or disagree with anything written, as people reply based on their own life, and experiences. I am not going to judge how you, and your husband, have decided to define your marriage and live your lives. That is your path to walk, not mine. It may not be my preference, but I do respect that it is yours. As for the OM being so talented: new partners are usually exciting and fun. That tends to fade over time. It's like playing with a new toy, it's a lot of fun too, until one day it's not. He was giving you things that you weren't getting at home. Solution to get over him? Get those things at home, with the man you love, and might find yourself wondering why you had to look anywhere else to get your wants, needs & desires filled. You seem to be in a, "Now what am I supposed to do?" rut. I hope my input will help you find a way out of it. In my experience, if you enjoy bedroom activities that lean more to the freaky side than your husband, finding the middle ground where you can both find pleasure, can be an exciting adventure together. The key is to find ways to get your husband to give you what you need, while still respecting his boundaries (and vice versa. Marriage should be about the two of you together, working towards a common goal). If you don't already know the reason why he isn't into certain things, it is high time to find out why he is unwilling, or unable, to join you for freakier fun. Does he just dislike it? Or, is his unwillingness born from insecurities, etc.? Once you understand his reluctance, you should start figuring out which activities you would like to keep, and which you would be willing to do without, (or at least put them on hold as you figure things out). Now is the time to get creative. Challenge yourself, and each other, to come up with new methods to expand your bedroom repertoire to include new activities that you can both find pleasure in. If you love your husband and he loves you, and your marriage is something that you both believe in, it is time to get serious, and put in some hard work. Both you, and your husband, will benefit from learning how to please each other in ways you never have before; inside and outside the bedroom. (If I am way off base, I apologize. I can only base my opinion of the limited information given.) Best of Luck! Edited November 2, 2017 by IndigoNight Content Link to post Share on other sites
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