Dating a man with 5 kids.

[Cden02]

Hi I'm new to this forum but wanted to get some opions on this. I'm in my early 30s I have 2 kids. I've been seeing this guy now for about 4 months. Nothing serious in the beginning. But recently lately he's catching a lot of feelings. He talks about having kids and getting married. Which I do want more kids. And want to get married. But he has 5 kids already. Ages ranging 17-7. I have already met them. They live a few streets over from me. His kids do not live with him. They live with there Grand Mom on the mother's side. He was incarcerated for a few months. I never really dated a man with kids. He has 2 baby moms. The one he has no contact with (only 1 kid 17 yr old ) . The other one also lives near by (4 kids ages 14-7). I see her everywhere. Baby moms family all live right near me to. He works with her brother. I want more kids. I want to have that whole family setting feeling. I do have 2 kids right now ages 7 and 12. But this could be trouble. On probation has 5 kids. He does work but idl I'm afraid this could all be bad. But then again he's a great person very affeciate. Always complimenting me. Very thoughtful. Always puts me before himself. We knew each other in are teens and lost touch for years. Found each other on Facebook recently. I just don't know what to do.

[RecentChange]

Honey, this guy is not a good father. He is not husband or father material.

 

He is irresponsible, doesn't provide for or take care of the 5 children he already has, plus has spent time in prison.

 

For the love of God do not bring more children into this world with this man. He is already failing the ones he has.

 

I assure you you can do better, and your children that you have now and will have in the future deserve better.

[knabe]

I know... I KNOW that we should not define people by their pasts. But...multiple baby moms, jail, probation.....I think this one needs to be a pass. If not for your sake, for your own kids.

[Gaeta]

Seriously?

 

He can't even take care of his children so why in the world would you want to have children with him?

[Muffet]

It sounds like you're in enamored with the idea of a perfect man, life, family, but from what you describe about him and his life, it's not even close. Don't sell yourself and your kids short; things could get so much more complicated if you entwine yourself and your children with his. Speaking from experience, blended families are not easy, and they are not a storybook romance with a fairy tale ending. I think you already gave yourself the prize winning answer when you said, "But this could be trouble." Take your own advice!

[ZayKayWill]

I'm gonna play devil's advocate here. You know more about this guy than any of us do, so I mean if you really want to be with him don't let a bunch of strangers on an internet forum stop you. If his own kids live with their grandma (which is I'm assuming your bfs mom) though then he sounds pretty irresponsible. What did he get incarcerated for? I would be careful as I have a feeling it won't turn out well in the end, but again you know the story better than any of us here. Good luck.

[Blanco]

I've got a real problem with anyone who has that many kids he doesn't support and talks about having more with someone he's known for four months. That to me suggests he views parenthood in this passive manner where he just churns out kid after kid after kid and then lets them be someone else's problem.

 

You need to think of your kids, too. This guy isn't a good father to his own kids. How would he be a good one to yours?

[Mysterio]

I think you can walk away from this one. 5 kids plus yours. Your looking at 7 kids in total and you want more with him.

 

You will be pushing 70 by the time everyone is out on their own and be lucky if you make it another 25 yrs just for the rest of your life.

 

Find another prospect.

[Midypfc]

I'm gonna play devil's advocate here. You know more about this guy than any of us do, so I mean if you really want to be with him don't let a bunch of strangers on an internet forum stop you. If his own kids live with their grandma (which is I'm assuming your bfs mom) though then he sounds pretty irresponsible. What did he get incarcerated for? I would be careful as I have a feeling it won't turn out well in the end, but again you know the story better than any of us here. Good luck.

 

I was going to say something similar so i agree with this. What we see are the bad things but only you know the good, and if that outweighs the bad and you can honestly see a future with this guy then there you have it.

[angel.eyes]

Different strokes for different folks.

 

For me, this would be a total no-brainer. He's a walking laundry list of deal breakers.

 

• Ex-convict currently on probation
  
• Five kids with different baby mamas...and counting. Now trying to turn you into the next baby mama?
  
• No relationship with at least one of the five kids
  
• No physical joint custody of any of his kids, but he's eager to have more???
  

 

He's dumped his current brood on others to care for. This isn't a guy who prioritizes parental responsibility. Churning them out is the achievement in his eyes. Raising his current children into responsible, successful, well-adjusted adults isn't even on his radar.

 

The time he spent trolling for new girlfriends on Facebook should have been spent with his existing kids--building a relationship with them, and trying to take care of them.That's where his "thoughtfulness" and "affection" should be directed. Not on wooing the next potential baby mama into his web to produce more kids for him! Thoughtfulness would be wearing a condom, not sweet talking you about giving you yet another baby...that he has no intention of actually raising.

 

He is not decent father or husband/relationship material by any stretch of the imagination.

[ZayKayWill]

We literally have no idea what the rest of the back story is yet everyone automatically wants to label this person a bad guy. For all we know he got an unfair drug charge or something. Obviously if the guy killed someone that would be one thing. Maybe the guy is a responsible father. Jail time and probation are inevitably going to put a dent in someone's bank account. Maybe the grandma is just helping him out during this hard time of his. Always 2 sides to the story...just saying.

Edited October 8, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[darkmoon]

you will be babymother #3

 

he is a free-wheeling guy, no disrespect, he might well be great in other areas, but not as a family-man

 

and what will that babymother that you see all the time be like to you? sounds hellish/not easy if he took the descision that made her single, for she is only human

[EthanSPK]

Run. run away while you can

[Cookiesandough]

Oh yes... Outstanding dad material. Seriously? I feel sad for his kids having to grow up without their father

Edited October 8, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[angel.eyes]

We literally have no idea what the rest of the back story is yet everyone automatically wants to label this person a bad guy.

 

No one is calling him a bad guy. We are talking about whether it makes sense for the OP to choose this guy to date, have a relationship, or father her next child.

 

This is no different than hiring someone for a job when you're an employer. Why would a prospective employer hire someone who has been fired by their last five employers over someone who is highly regarded by everyone they worked with in the past?

 

This guy has fathered five children with different women, has no relationship with at least one of them, and is raising none of them. They are being raised by their maternal grandmothers. That is his best foot forward as he sells himself to the OP.

 

Again, different strokes for different folks. Go for it if that's your thing. There's a lid for every pot. That's why even guys on death row meet and marry women while in jail. Some like me would see sitting on death row as a deal breaker, were such a guy to ask them out. Others obviously don't. Not my cup of tea for myriad reasons, but that's their preference as are the short- and long-term consequences that result from their choices.

 

I don't view dating as charity work where I give everyone that hits me up on Facebook a shot...because...you never know...this time might be different despite their track record. Why would I pick this guy when there are stable, responsible, dependable, loving, caring, financially guys with great careers, their own homes, no kids, etc. who back up their words with their actions and would dovetail right into my life and social circle? I'm looking for an equal partner who adds to my life. I don't need this guy's baby mamas, five children, and parole limitations in my life. If I want to take a last-minute weekend trip with my boyfriend, we just get on a flight. I don't have to wait around for approval from some parole officer. I don't have to deal with excuses about how he just got out of prison and has no money for a trip, etc. What would possess me to pick a guy who has no relationship with his current child as the father of my child??? This guy has a track record. He's not a blank slate.

 

Anyone can sweet talk you for a few months. The reality is he has baby mamas floating around that he sweet talked too. He has no relationship with some of his kids. Right now, the OP is his special little snowflake that he's loving and wants to have yet another baby with. Just understand that those other baby mamas were once his special little snowflakes too, who he wanted to have his babies. Her choice to join their club.

[Hoosfoos]

Getting serious with this man will fast-track you into becoming a single mother of his child.