Relapse after I got over her. Now what?

[Logo]

I was over my ex. I felt like the relationship and she had faded into history. But lately, I’m pining for the good days when we were still on good terms and having fun.

 

I’m trying to cheer myself up by telling myself that someone better and more deserving of my love and affection will come along, but I’m finding it hard lately to stay hopeful.

 

 

Just after the breakup I thought I would be in a relationship in a matter of 4 or 5 months.

 

 

That, of course, didn’t materialize. And now my greatest fear is that I’ll be alone for a long time. You see, there was a time in my life when I was all alone for more than 15 years or so.

 

 

I was always jealous when I saw couples showing each other affection in public. I wanted it so much for myself.

 

 

And in the last few years I have been trying to make up for all that lost time.

 

 

People on here keep saying, take time to feel good and be happy being alone, but they don’t know my history, and I feel that I don’t have that luxury of waiting and waiting.

 

 

I’m upset that things didn’t work out with my ex. But I can’t change her personality. All I can do is learn from that relationship and move on. The problem is, the more time passes, the pickier I become because I want to spare myself the pain of compromising and ending up with someone who will disappoint me down the road.

 

 

I feel lost, rejected by many and unwanted.

[Deadmeat]

I get it. I remember thinking the same when I was heartbroken because my ex dumped me. I felt like something was wrong with me. It took a lot of self work and self love.

 

I'm on the other side now. In a happy relationship. But it also comes with its own struggles just like singlehood.

 

Here's what I've learned:

 

The grass is never always greener on the other side. It's green where you water it.

 

Focus on yourself now. Do things for you and not so you can attract a partner. Learn to be happy single. Learn to be okay if things never workout. Another person will not define who you are as a person. If someone comes along great! If not great too because you are a complete person by yourself.

 

I remember what helped me get through this was that I didn't want to lower my standards just so I didn't have to feel lonely. Adversity brings strength...if you seek to learn from it.

 

Good luck with your struggles friend.

[lostsoul4286]

I was over my ex. I felt like the relationship and she had faded into history. But lately, I’m pining for the good days when we were still on good terms and having fun.

 

I’m trying to cheer myself up by telling myself that someone better and more deserving of my love and affection will come along, but I’m finding it hard lately to stay hopeful.

 

 

Just after the breakup I thought I would be in a relationship in a matter of 4 or 5 months.

 

 

That, of course, didn’t materialize. And now my greatest fear is that I’ll be alone for a long time. You see, there was a time in my life when I was all alone for more than 15 years or so.

 

 

I was always jealous when I saw couples showing each other affection in public. I wanted it so much for myself.

 

 

And in the last few years I have been trying to make up for all that lost time.

 

 

People on here keep saying, take time to feel good and be happy being alone, but they don’t know my history, and I feel that I don’t have that luxury of waiting and waiting.

 

 

I’m upset that things didn’t work out with my ex. But I can’t change her personality. All I can do is learn from that relationship and move on. The problem is, the more time passes, the pickier I become because I want to spare myself the pain of compromising and ending up with someone who will disappoint me down the road.

 

 

I feel lost, rejected by many and unwanted.

 

Find yourself before finding someone, and the one that will take your breath away, the one that will complement you, not complete you will conjure. Trust me, your actions speak louder than words, and if you feel alone and in need, you will project that feeling. Take time, accept the circumstances and seek help. If your support system (friends, family, care givers) isn't giving you the advice that makes sense or its hard to comprehend, its time to look for a therapist. Someone that may say the things your support system is saying, but in a way you'll understand. Nobody is perfect and there's nothing wrong with what you're feeling, just don't make it a habit based on a narrative you're building.

[Logo]

I have to disagree with you guys.

 

You have the wrong impression that I’m looking for a relationship to fill a void. I’m not.

 

 

I have a support system. I have a great family and great friends.

 

 

But we’re all social animals. Everyone on here seems to forget that. I don’t mean for this to come across as brash, but I’m tired of people telling me that I need to be happy before I can find a partner.

 

 

I am happy. But like every NORMAL human being from the dawn of history I want to love someone besides myself and be loved on a romantic level.

 

 

I want to start a family and have little rascals running around JUST like everyone else.

 

 

The part about therapy, I’m going to ignore because I find it offensive.

 

 

Everyone else on here is pretending as though they have everything figured out.

 

 

Someone’s watched the Tao of Steve one too many.

 

And for the record, American society is the least friendly and open society I have come across.

 

 

I lived in Europe for 7 years and complete strangers were friendly, approachable, and some even invited me to their homes for dinner after chatting with me for 30 minutes.

 

 

Of course things are slightly different on the West coast. But on the East coast, most people are too much into themselves and they lack basic social skills.

Edited October 8, 2017 by Logo

[Blanco]

So what do you want people to say? The responses you got seemed empathetic of your situation, but it wasn't apparently what you wanted to hear, so you just threw it back in their face.

[Logo]

You’re right. I’m sorry.

[Frostedflake]

Okay.

So you end your original post with "I feel rejected and unwanted" on a forum that offers emotional support. Of course you're going to get responses telling you to love yourself!

 

You're so defensive right now that I'm guessing you were after a SPECIFIC response. So why not just look into how to obtain that thing you're after? Otherwise, this is like you asking for permission.

Or did you want a game plan on how to meet someone and get married to have kids? Because a lot of people are doing that without posting about it first.

 

Additionally, it's ridiculously dangerous to have this timeline of "married by this age, babies by this time, etc" because whoever you do meet you're going to force them to meet these deadlines too. You might end up with the marriage and babies. You'll likely end up with a divorce and child support struggles shortly after because it was so forced.

[Logo]

Okay.

So you end your original post with "I feel rejected and unwanted" on a forum that offers emotional support. Of course you're going to get responses telling you to love yourself!

 

You're so defensive right now that I'm guessing you were after a SPECIFIC response. So why not just look into how to obtain that thing you're after? Otherwise, this is like you asking for permission.

Or did you want a game plan on how to meet someone and get married to have kids? Because a lot of people are doing that without posting about it first.

 

Additionally, it's ridiculously dangerous to have this timeline of "married by this age, babies by this time, etc" because whoever you do meet you're going to force them to meet these deadlines too. You might end up with the marriage and babies. You'll likely end up with a divorce and child support struggles shortly after because it was so forced.

 

 

 

I meant marriage in general, as part of the natural social process that we all go through. Of course some people choose not to get married and that’s ok.

 

 

I didn’t mean for it to come across as some kind of rigid timeline that my partner and I will have to follow. I was speaking in general terms.

 

 

As for my criticism and why I posted, someone called me names tonight when I politely approached her to introduce myself in the most gentlemanly and friendly way.

 

 

My response wasn’t fair to the previous posters.

 

 

I have always appreciated everyone's input on here and this has been a very helpful and great support group. It truly has.

 

 

There’s definitely food for thought (for me) in this thread.

 

 

At any rate, thanks for putting up with me and being gracious enough to listen so to speak and offer input and support.

 

 

Again, im really sorry about my second post in this thread.