marriage on the rocks

[poopc]

I have no idea what to do about my marriage. I am 25 and I have been married for two and a half years and i am unhappy. My husband has a bad temper. He has never hit me but he has done things to scare me. He looses his temper with me very easily. He sometimes calls me names and makes me feel like i am less of a person. on the other hand sometimes he can be so sweet.

 

Also our sex life is not the best in the world. He is the only guy I have ever been with and I really have no way to compare but I know it should be better than this. I ask for romance and different things in the bedroom but he just does not seem to get the drift.

 

Another important thing is he has diabities and a seizure disorder and that causes problems because i am scared of his seizures and dont know how to handle it.

 

As for my family he never acts like he wants to see them and when he does he is rude to them. my family is big and we are really close to each other so i think he should feel the same.

 

I also have been given the job of taking care of everything. Like paying the bills. getting his meds, and any other thing that needs to be done and he doesn't seem to want to help me.

 

I just dont know what to do. I am so lost and need some advice. My family wont say much because they are afraid of telling me the wrong thing.he refuses to get help with his anger problems. so please help.

[suegail]

I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time. You and I are probably very different. I think you are probably much more tolerant than I am. I have a low threshold for things like this, but I'll tell you what I would do. I'd offer him a choice: "Change your life, change your attitude, treat me with respect and dignity or that's it - - "I'm leaving you forever." "And by the way, you have approximately a half hour to make the changeover." Counseling is a nice choice, but I consider it a longer more drawn out process during which he can make the claim that he is in counseling and is trying and you should be glad, yada, yada, yada. Too much talk when you need action. And besides all that, you said he's refused to get help for his bad temper, so you are not left with many options.

 

He just needs to flat out make the changes and be a good husband. If he can't, well, he can't say you didn't try or that you didn't warn him. You're very young. There is no reason why you should stay and take the verbal abuse, the name calling, and the isolation from family and every bit of the responsibility, both yours and his. Just refuse to accept anything less than a full turnaround in his behavior. You need to think about what the future will be and you deserve happiness.

 

God Bless...

[Mr.positive]

Make sure he gets help with his anger problems. That is not good for the both of you. Even if he just goes for a walk when hes frusterated that will help. Just tell him that you need some help with the bills etc... And good luck with everything..