HiCrunchy Posted October 8, 2017 Share Posted October 8, 2017 Why does everyone always say this? What is the difference of missing someone and the idea of them. I do not think I understand this. Link to post Share on other sites
Cersei Posted October 8, 2017 Share Posted October 8, 2017 It means you do not miss the actual person; they were a jerk. But you miss the idea of having someone to spend your time with, someone to sleep with, someone to look forward to seeing. Just not that specific partner. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 8, 2017 Share Posted October 8, 2017 I was out of town at a wedding this weekend, surrounded by happy couples. It made me miss being in a relationship, miss what my ex-H and I "should have been," miss having a partner to do life with. But I do not miss that man specifically. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 8, 2017 Share Posted October 8, 2017 You miss what you hoped they'd be - not what they actually were. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
fieldoflavender Posted October 9, 2017 Share Posted October 9, 2017 Or who they were (or pretended to be early in the relationship) and put blinders on afterwards after they started changing (or revealing the real them). Link to post Share on other sites
toomanyquestions123 Posted October 9, 2017 Share Posted October 9, 2017 You miss the happy times whilst you forget the bitter times & redflags & how much of a jerk he was. Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted October 9, 2017 Share Posted October 9, 2017 Projecting or a throwaway comment usually. Not sure it applies in your case OP? Link to post Share on other sites
FenixRising Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 Missing the idea of someone is more about the great feeling you had while in their presence, the clarity of yourself and direction in life and the relationship. You might miss your ex, however, it's the version of them/ memory of them that left you feeling great- that you miss. When you only have that ideal memory/version, it sometimes distorts how the person actually is in reality. Some people refer to this as removing your ex from the pedestal. They may have been great but they are also human with flaws. -Are there any factors you didn't like or don't miss about them? -What are good qualities that would be nice to have in your next partner? Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 (edited) I understand it, but I don't find it useful. When we miss someone, it means we are in their absence. Of course all we have left is our idea. Unless we're talking about some universal love, I struggle to think of a nature in which ' love 'could exist purely objectively(free from all personal bias) to the point it couldn't be accurately called an "idea". Edited October 17, 2017 by Cookiesandough 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheBathWater Posted October 24, 2017 Share Posted October 24, 2017 I understand it, but I don't find it useful. When we miss someone, it means we are in their absence. Of course all we have left is our idea. Unless we're talking about some universal love, I struggle to think of a nature in which ' love 'could exist purely objectively(free from all personal bias) to the point it couldn't be accurately called an "idea". But the idea we have of someone in their absence is not who they really are. The true nature of a person is who they are in this very moment. When we don't accept who a person is in this very moment, we want them to be someone else. If we prefer the feelings we had about them from when they were someone else in our lives, not who they are in this very moment, then that is the 'idea' of them we are longing for, not who they actually are. Ergo, we don't actually miss the ex. We miss the 'idea' of them. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lostsoul4286 Posted October 24, 2017 Share Posted October 24, 2017 Why does everyone always say this? What is the difference of missing someone and the idea of them. I do not think I understand this. Well in my case, I fell deeply in love with my ex's personality she created. When she finally exposed the sociopathic true identity I ran for the hills, but I damn sure miss that person she pretended to be. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HiCrunchy Posted October 27, 2017 Author Share Posted October 27, 2017 Projecting or a throwaway comment usually. Not sure it applies in your case OP? Most of the time people use this phrase for when a relationship falls apart. ie. I have never heard someone have a falling out with their friend or boss and been told "of you just like the idea of their friendship, or you just like the idea of that person being your boss" I do not believe it really (unless the people in question are in an abusive relationship, where the abuser has brain washed the abusee or the person having infatuation has never talked or interacted with the other as in that case they are projecting who they think this person is). Honestly the only thing a person can be to us is our perception of them. Oue idea of who they are. We can only see the world through our own lens, our own persecutions, hence how we see people will always be our idea of what we believe that person to be. We can only base these ideas on our interactions with said people. It was something I was told by my ex once. He said I liked the idea of him. I don't know how true or not as I do not feel that thinking about him is what is best for my mental health right now as I am trying to move on, but the phrase has been used a lot on these forums and other relationship websites so I wanted to ask. Link to post Share on other sites
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