What can I do to my brother with his love life problems?

[ironpony]

I wasn't sure what forum to post this in, but my brother has had extreme problems with his autism lately and has gone to a therapist and has gone on medication for it.

 

So basically my bro was having a lot of problems with women as well and he would start going to places, which me and my parents were not sure. We thought maybe he as going to see prostitutes or something like that cause of his trouble, so my parents will sometimes not let him have the car.

 

So my parents made him go see a therapist and the therapist put him on medication. Basically he was feeling super depressed and shameful cause of women always rejecting him and his involuntary celibacy over the years, making him feel inadequate.

 

So after about a year of going on the medication, it has completely changed him around, but in a bad way. He has become extremely hostile towards women. If they reject him, he will be turn into a complete bully and be rude towards them, insulting them with the most fowl, and misogynistic language and attitude, I have ever heard from him. I have never seen him talk or behave this way before, to women or to anyone for that matter! He use to be such a nice person, but he has turned into a completely misogynistic, narcissistic ass$##%, towards the opposite sex, and I don't know what to do about it.

 

I mean I think it's the medication but my parents do not think so and are not relating it to that. But it seems like it makes sense that it is, since he started taking it about a year ago, and now he is transformed into this person, who is almost a monster, if not one already. I had a talk with him about.

 

He said that before he was super depressed to the point where he didn't even want to talk to anyone, which is true... and now that all that shame has now been replaced with pride. But it's a narcissistic pride. He says that be being this way towards women he is exercising his divine right, not to be treated as inferior compared to others, and will not turn the other cheek for any more rejection cause of his autism.

 

He has turned into sort of a Malcolm X type when it comes to autism, but perhaps even more extreme in attitude. Maybe that's good, and it's what we in the autistic community need (I'm autistic as well), or maybe it's bad. Maybe having a misogynistic pride, is better than feeling shame, if the opposite sex has treated you bad, like he says in his case...

 

But nevertheless, he is still doing better than he was before, since he can actually function now, where as before he couldn't near as much cause he was so full of shame and depression.

Edited October 9, 2017 by ironpony

[MomLeslieM]

Wow...I think the best help may be to see if he or your parents (depending on if they are on his HIPPA/signed releases for the therapist/med. prescriber) can talk to the prescriber about his meds. Most work differently and have different effects so it sounds like while this one works in some ways, in other ways it is not. The other thing is, has your brother been TAUGHT the appropriate way to react? Remember, for most with autism, they don't pick up on the social cues and need to be shown and taught how to react the appropriate way. Have you talked to your brother about his reactions? Being a fellow journeyman on the road of autism he may take it better from you too!

[newmoon]

my brother constantly had his meds adjusted until they got it right. the meds definitely help but the side effects can be different for each one, and i have rarely heard where they get meds right the first time. your bro may need some med adjustment or a different one altogether. they'll make adjustments based off the side effects, so this is worth mentioning to the therapist if you can, and if you feel the med could be causing certain behavior

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Maybe having a misogynistic pride, is better than feeling shame, if the opposite sex has treated you bad, like he says in his case...

 

 

This isn't an either/or. He doesn't need to feel this pride OR the shame. He needs to be in therapy for this.

[ironpony]

Well he has a psychotherapist in addition the medication, and my parents tell me that the medication is suppose to help him and should kick in over the months more, and more.

 

But I feel the medication may be making it worse, as he didn't start his hostile attitude towards women, until after he started taking it. But my parents argue that him behaving this way is him, and not the medications fault. But I feel I am the only one who noticed the "coincidental timing".

[anika99]

By reading your post it seems that your brother's hostility is limited to women who reject him, but if it were the meds causing his hostility wouldn't he be hostile just in general? Since he only gets angry and hostile towards women who reject him I kind of have doubts that it's his medication.

 

I think he feels a deep hurt at being rejected and that hurt has turned to anger. I've seen several men on loveshack angrily posting about women who have rejected them and those men weren't on medication. I think it's actually rather common for men who consistently get rejected by women to become hostile and angry

[ironpony]

Well I thought that maybe what was happening was, the medication was triggering some chemical that would drive home the feelings he had towards women.

 

In other words, maybe he was those feelings on the inside already to a degree, but the medication is pushing them more extreme. But that's just what I thought was happening.

 

But if the medication is suppose to be helping him, why isn't it then, and why is he acting worse now?