Nikki Sahagin Posted October 9, 2017 Share Posted October 9, 2017 Background: I am 28, husband is 34. Married for just over a year. Husband is Australian and living in the UK with me at my family home. We both work. My husband has always liked a drink but since our marriage it has become clear to me that he is a binge drinker. He doesn't drink every day but once he starts he can't stop. He is not a mean or aggressive drunk but he is irritating and pathetic. Seeing him drunk has killed my attraction for him so badly that it is so difficult for me to be in the mood to sleep with him and yet he thinks I have the problem and that it's me that's responsible for the change in our love life. He is a kind, faithful, loyal and hard working partner but I cannot tolerate his binge drinking. It impacts on me in that I have to get up at 1am to let him in on a sunday night or stay up at night worrying that he will be hurt (I never worry that he is unfaithful.) Part of me recognises his good qualities and understands how valuable this is but part of me cannot see my life dragged down because he can't control his drink. I've tried to speak to him and he doesn't recognise a problem. It's hit my attraction to him badly and I don't know what to do next. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted October 9, 2017 Share Posted October 9, 2017 Before you married him, was he a binge drinker? After you married him now 1 year he's starting to be in his comfort-zone. He stays out late drinking with his mates at the local pub. You don't go with him I take it. Do you have any kids by him yet or do you have kids from a prior relationship or marriage? You can't force him to change his drinking habit it something you don't like you have to point that out to him. If he doesn't listen then you have to make it clearer to him. Or just move out if you can.. Let him see that the drinking is effecting you emotionally. Oh your living in the same house with him and your family? You would have to put him out then. Or go seek a marriage consoling . 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 9, 2017 Share Posted October 9, 2017 Tell him that you will leave, if he continues to drink. That should get his attention pretty quickly... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted October 9, 2017 Share Posted October 9, 2017 does he have a reason to be drinking more - job loss? financial issues? trouble between you guys? loss of friendships now that he's married? there might be a reason for the increase... you have to talk to him and explain that it's affecting you and etc. try to figure out the why first, might be a problem you aren't aware of 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted October 9, 2017 Share Posted October 9, 2017 Did he not binge drink before you married? Or he did, you were just unaware of it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
monnieloves Posted October 9, 2017 Share Posted October 9, 2017 So sorry you are going through the side effects of loving someone in denial about their alcohol dependency. I was a drinker married to a drinker so I've experienced both sides. I had to get to the point where it was obvious that my family was hurting over my self abuse and denial that I had a problem. I didn't drink everyday but I drank every weekend. I simply got sick and tired of being sick and tired. Only through the grace of GOD was I delivered from alcohol abuse. Have you considered counseling or having some trusted third party speak with your husband. Link to post Share on other sites
submart Posted October 10, 2017 Share Posted October 10, 2017 That's just it. He has to recognize that it is a problem for you and your marriage. Tell him flat out that it is a problem and it is affecting your relationship. If he shrugs his shoulders and keeps drinking than the alcohol is more important than you and will likely stay that way until HE recognizes that it is a problem. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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