My Wife Of 2 Years Has Filed For Divorce

[loveishell]

New friends that I have yet to meet, thank you for your time and prayers.

 

First, the facts:

My wife and I married in August of 2015. She was the sister of a very close friend, and we had in turn been friends for quite some time. There is a huge age difference between us (I’m 35, she’s 22), but when you fall in love, you fall in love. She had a child in high school, and the father is not around. When I married her, I also married our daughter. She is five now, but I have known her since birth. I very much believe God brought us together to help guide them in faith and life.Once we married, we immediately got pregnant with our now son. He is now 16 months old, and the greatest joy of my life.

The problems:

My wife is young, and can be very hard headed. Sometimes, she has different views than my mother, and they have clashed on many occasions. About a year ago, my wife and I were going through some difficult stuff, and it was one of many times she threw out that she wanted a divorce. This made my mother very angry, and she kind of went off a bit in some text messages to me, which my wife found later. They had a huge blow up, and my wife has hated her every day since, despite my mothers true apologies. My wife begrudgingly lets her see the kids, but only when it helps my wife out, or lets us do something.

Every time we have problems, my wife packs the kids up, and moves to her parents house, where they invite her in with open arms. She has been very spoiled with possessions, and loves to shop and travel. My wife makes a very modest salary, and mine is quite more substantial. I pay all of the bills in our house, with the exception of her car payment. When she goes to her parents, they pay for the food, they help watch the kids, they make her life very easy. My wife can simply not afford to support herself on her own.

Regardless of all of our differences, and issues, my wife has always refused to go to couples counseling. I want this so badly that I could scream. Listen, I know that I am not perfect, and I am very much open to addressing and changing the things about me, and my life that are bothering her. I have tried to reflect on this situation with as much mindfulness as possible, and really not allow the anger response to direct me.

My job is such that I work a week on, then a week off. When I was coming home from my last week on, we were still having issues, but we were talking, and everything was headed back to resolution. On the Tuesday that I came home, she talked to me in the morning about our son’s daycare, and I asked if she would be coming to our house that night. She told me she was going to continue to stay with her parents for the time being, and I needed to just be patient. I texted her throughout the day, and called her. No responses. That night as I was driving home from the airport, I received a call from her telling me she had filed for divorce, and that her attorney recommends that we not discuss it, and that I not see our son for the time being.

I am still completely floored. During my week home, I have been almost inconsolable, and as close to a shell of a human being as I can imagine. I have good friends who continue to talk me through the situation, but they (like me) are so incredibly shocked. This was a woman posting photos and videos to Facebook about how amazing our family is, and saying that I am the love of her life. I do feel that is all true, but how could she just turn and file divorce and not speak to me?

It’s important to know that most of her family is complete dysfunction. Her father is gay, and has lived this way, married to her mother for their entire life. He is also a diagnosed bi-polar who refuses to take medicine. Throughout her life, she witnessed a lot of physical and verbal abuse. She is a triplet, and both of her brothers have diagnosed mental disorders. Her mother continues to live with an openly gay man having affairs outside of the bonds of their marriage, but chooses to not participate in that herself. They have lots of money, and are very concerned with image. They simply do not stop if they feel that they have been wronged. They will pursue any legal opportunity to defame the opposing party. As an example, my brother in law has a fiancé that is also very young, and juvenile in her thought and actions. One night, she started receiving prank phone calls (just some acquaintances messing with her, nothing threatening or violent), and my Father In Law’s answer was to call the police, and continue chasing this down until they all got arrested, or at least talked to by the police department… there was absolutely no letting it go.

My wife, my family, my everything is gone. I need as many prayers to unite this family as possible. I understand I was wrong in many ways, but nothing that I can’t change, and nothing abusive by any stretch of the imagination.

Please, please offer any suggestions on how I can turn this around. I cannot lose my entire life to a divorce. She needs love, and needs to be shown love.

 

Thank you all, be blessed

 

*Update* It has now been almost 5 weeks since she dropped the bomb on me, but I was finally able to set up visitation with my son through my lawyer. When I saw her, she was super cold and almost acted mad at me. Our only contact has been regarding him, as I have been trying to give her space. I have not chased her, but I do hope she will open up to talking to me soon. She posted a Facebook update on Friday talking about how happy she is with where her life is. It was obviously untrue, and I’m not sure why she would post something like that? There’s no way she’s in a good place... two kids, living with her parents, leaving her husband? A month and a half ago, she was posting status updates about how much she loved me and our family.

Any ideas would be very appreciated. Thank you all.

[40somethingGuy]

New friends that I have yet to meet, thank you for your time and prayers.

 

First, the facts:

My wife and I married in August of 2015. She was the sister of a very close friend, and we had in turn been friends for quite some time. There is a huge age difference between us (I’m 35, she’s 22), but when you fall in love, you fall in love. She had a child in high school, and the father is not around. When I married her, I also married our daughter. She is five now, but I have known her since birth. I very much believe God brought us together to help guide them in faith and life.Once we married, we immediately got pregnant with our now son. He is now 16 months old, and the greatest joy of my life.

The problems:

My wife is young, and can be very hard headed. Sometimes, she has different views than my mother, and they have clashed on many occasions. About a year ago, my wife and I were going through some difficult stuff, and it was one of many times she threw out that she wanted a divorce. This made my mother very angry, and she kind of went off a bit in some text messages to me, which my wife found later. They had a huge blow up, and my wife has hated her every day since, despite my mothers true apologies. My wife begrudgingly lets her see the kids, but only when it helps my wife out, or lets us do something.

Every time we have problems, my wife packs the kids up, and moves to her parents house, where they invite her in with open arms. She has been very spoiled with possessions, and loves to shop and travel. My wife makes a very modest salary, and mine is quite more substantial. I pay all of the bills in our house, with the exception of her car payment. When she goes to her parents, they pay for the food, they help watch the kids, they make her life very easy. My wife can simply not afford to support herself on her own.

Regardless of all of our differences, and issues, my wife has always refused to go to couples counseling. I want this so badly that I could scream. Listen, I know that I am not perfect, and I am very much open to addressing and changing the things about me, and my life that are bothering her. I have tried to reflect on this situation with as much mindfulness as possible, and really not allow the anger response to direct me.

My job is such that I work a week on, then a week off. When I was coming home from my last week on, we were still having issues, but we were talking, and everything was headed back to resolution. On the Tuesday that I came home, she talked to me in the morning about our son’s daycare, and I asked if she would be coming to our house that night. She told me she was going to continue to stay with her parents for the time being, and I needed to just be patient. I texted her throughout the day, and called her. No responses. That night as I was driving home from the airport, I received a call from her telling me she had filed for divorce, and that her attorney recommends that we not discuss it, and that I not see our son for the time being.

I am still completely floored. During my week home, I have been almost inconsolable, and as close to a shell of a human being as I can imagine. I have good friends who continue to talk me through the situation, but they (like me) are so incredibly shocked. This was a woman posting photos and videos to Facebook about how amazing our family is, and saying that I am the love of her life. I do feel that is all true, but how could she just turn and file divorce and not speak to me?

It’s important to know that most of her family is complete dysfunction. Her father is gay, and has lived this way, married to her mother for their entire life. He is also a diagnosed bi-polar who refuses to take medicine. Throughout her life, she witnessed a lot of physical and verbal abuse. She is a triplet, and both of her brothers have diagnosed mental disorders. Her mother continues to live with an openly gay man having affairs outside of the bonds of their marriage, but chooses to not participate in that herself. They have lots of money, and are very concerned with image. They simply do not stop if they feel that they have been wronged. They will pursue any legal opportunity to defame the opposing party. As an example, my brother in law has a fiancé that is also very young, and juvenile in her thought and actions. One night, she started receiving prank phone calls (just some acquaintances messing with her, nothing threatening or violent), and my Father In Law’s answer was to call the police, and continue chasing this down until they all got arrested, or at least talked to by the police department… there was absolutely no letting it go.

My wife, my family, my everything is gone. I need as many prayers to unite this family as possible. I understand I was wrong in many ways, but nothing that I can’t change, and nothing abusive by any stretch of the imagination.

Please, please offer any suggestions on how I can turn this around. I cannot lose my entire life to a divorce. She needs love, and needs to be shown love.

 

Thank you all, be blessed

 

*Update* It has now been almost 5 weeks since she dropped the bomb on me, but I was finally able to set up visitation with my son through my lawyer. When I saw her, she was super cold and almost acted mad at me. Our only contact has been regarding him, as I have been trying to give her space. I have not chased her, but I do hope she will open up to talking to me soon. She posted a Facebook update on Friday talking about how happy she is with where her life is. It was obviously untrue, and I’m not sure why she would post something like that? There’s no way she’s in a good place... two kids, living with her parents, leaving her husband? A month and a half ago, she was posting status updates about how much she loved me and our family.

Any ideas would be very appreciated. Thank you all.

 

How can she keep you from seeing your son? WTH is that? What about your own lawyer? You do have rights you know despite your biggest indictment which is being born male. I know it is easy for someone who is not involved and unfortunately there is a little one at stake. I get it. But feel blessed to cut your losses. She is bad news.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

She needs love, and needs to be shown love.

 

 

I don't disagree; everyone needs this. But you can't be her savior. She doesn't appear to want you to be (anymore). You married a teenager, and she's growing up now and realizing that for whatever reason she doesn't want to spend her life with you. My advice is to make sure you get an attorney to fight for your legal rights regarding custody of your son.

[BaileyB]

You seem like a nice guy and I'm sorry for the pain you are feeling right now.

 

But truthfully, you trusted a woman who should not have been trusted. You are at very different life stages, you want her to be a wife and mother and she is clearly telling you that she is too young and too immature to assume these roles the way you may have hoped or expected. She has many issues - she has obvious issues making good decisions given the fact that she became pregnant and had a child during high school, she has a very dysfunctional family, and perhaps even her own mental health issues...

 

You can't fix this. I would suggest that you hire a lawyer and do what you need to do to get custody of your son and protect your financial interests.

[somanymistakes]

She was really not ready for marriage, I think. Too young, not settled enough in her ways, not sufficiently clear on what she really wanted and what she was or wasn't willing to give up in a partnership.

 

You saw an aspect of her that you liked, and tried to take her in and make that aspect the whole of her. You want to fix her into being the person that you think she can be. But that will never work unless she chooses it for herself, and she's just not ready. This girl needs to be on her own for a while (hopefully not living with her parents either) until she figures out how to adult for herself. I don't think she's a bad person, but I don't think you understand her, and I'm very sure that you two are not on an equal level right now.

 

Pull back, focus on figuring out what your legal responsibilities for support will be, fight for access to your son.

[elaine567]

You made the huge mistake of trying to turn a very young woman into a wife.

In your thirties you were ready for long term commitment, but she was nowhere near ready. Life stages completely different.

 

A lot of people do not like huge age gap relationships as they feel the older man takes advantage of the younger, naive, vulnerable, easy controlled younger woman and that can happen, but it seems to me it is often the older man that ends up getting very hurt.

He thinks himself very lucky, a hot young gf/wife who seems "so mature", she wants to play house and all is perfect.

 

BUT she starts growing up, she doesn't want to be tied down to some old guy, she gets bored as he doesn't really speak her "language", other guys her own age start to look more appealing, she flees, leaving him heart broken, his dreams in ruins...

 

She tends to move swiftly on, as she has plenty time and the world is her oyster... (even with two kids...),

Here her parents money will keep her and her kids OK, if nothing else.

 

Just be the best co-parent you can be...

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

You made the huge mistake of trying to turn a very young woman into a wife.

In your thirties you were ready for long term commitment, but she was nowhere near ready. Life stages completely different.

 

A lot of people do not like huge age gap relationships as they feel the older man takes advantage of the younger, naive, vulnerable, easy controlled younger woman and that can happen, but it seems to me it is often the older man that ends up getting very hurt.

He thinks himself very lucky, a hot young gf/wife who seems "so mature", she wants to play house and all is perfect.

 

BUT she starts growing up, she doesn't want to be tied down to some old guy, she gets bored as he doesn't really speak her "language", other guys her own age start to look more appealing, she flees, leaving him heart broken, his dreams in ruins...

 

She tends to move swiftly on, as she has plenty time and the world is her oyster... (even with two kids...),

Here her parents money will keep her and her kids OK, if nothing else.

 

Just be the best co-parent you can be...

 

Spot on, Elaine