Hot mess

[amb26]

I had been in a relationship with guy1 for three years. It was toxic and we both talked to other people along the way. I started talking to guy2 last August. We talked for around 3 months but he was consumed with work so we eventually stopped. A couple weeks later I started hooking up with guy1 again. A couple weeks after that I found out I was 6 weeks pregnant. I knew it had to have been guy2's. Guy1 and I talked about the chances of it being his, but we both agreed I was too far along. Guy1 was hurt and didn't want a relationship with me but told me he would be there for me throughout the pregnancy. I went to tell guy2 and he was very disappointed, he didn't want a child yet. He told me he would never be with someone just because of a child but we could split custody.he told me we didn't click and that he didn't want to be with me. I felt hurt and rejected. I continued to talk to guy1 for support but let him know I was confused with my feelings. I didn't try contacting guy2 after he rejected me. Slowly, he started texting me more and inviting me over. I figured it was out of guilt but I was vulnerable so I would go over to his house. We never talked about being together or the baby. He did go to all of my appointments. He started coming around more and more but I was skeptical and continued to talk to guy1, and I told guy2 how much guy1 supported me. One day guy2 stopped by my house while guy1 was there talking to me. Guy2 freaked out and left. A couple days later I contacted him to talk about our situation, I told jom

i would probably just move closer to my family because this had been really hard on me. He finally confessed how much he cared about me and how strong his feelings were, and that he had been trying to fight them but couldn't anymore. He convinced me to move into one of his rental properties with him. I gave my landlord a months notice and moved into a bad neighborhood with him while we looked for a house to flip (he flips houses/rentals for a living). We found one and started working on it together everyday. During this time guy1 would still contact me occasionally about how I was doing. Guy2 saw and flipped out. He finally told me how much he loved me and I discontinued contact with guy1. Once guy2 and I started living together and cut out contact with other guys/girls, life was a dream. We fell deeply in love. We loved coming home to each other every night and we were always laughing/bonding. It turned into a really healthy relationship. I became close with his family and he became close with mine.

 

​​​​​​​Towards the end of the pregnancy, guy1 contacted his family without either of us knowing and told them he wanted a paternity test, told them that I had talked to him throughout most of the pregnancy and fabricated everything. Guy2's family didn't tell guy2 what he had told them, but told him to get a paternity test. I told guy2 there was a chance but it had happened much later, so I didn't think the chance was a big one. I told guy1 I went into labor and told him she was born and healthy, we didn't speak after that. Guy2 told me it didn't matter, he loved me anyway. He went through the labor with me, it was the best experience of our lives. We fell in love with the baby girl. We didn't sign a birth certificate just in case and we got a paternity test when we left the hospital. They said it would take a week. That week was the best week of our lives. We cuddled with her every night and moved her into our redone house that we both worked so hard on. We were so, so happy.

 

The day the paternity test came back he left for work and told me we should get the results but that he loved me either way, just so I knew. Then he never came home. My parents came over and told me he had called them and told them to come over to comfort me for support. He got the call when he had stopped over at his sister's and the doctor told him she wasn't his. His sister immediately told him everything guy1 had called and told her. He felt betrayed because of everything guy1 had fabricated. He refused to talk to me. His sister and mother sent me nasty text messages, calling me disgusting and deceiving. They acted like he took me in, like I was some poor and pathetic person. They told me I had 2 days to move out of his property. They said he didn't know I had texted guy1 the day of labor and told me how disrespectful that was. I packed all of my things with my 8 day old baby and moved back in with my parents for the first time since high school. I cried and cried everyday. Guy1 stepped up but I couldn't be with him, I was still so in love with guy2 and I told him that.

 

A month later I sent a text to guy2 telling him how much I loved him and how sorry I was that he felt deceived. I explained to him I was scared and pregnant but didn't have any ill intentions, I explained how in love with him I ended up falling. He never responded. I saw him at a local bar a week later and he ignored me. He was with mutual friends. When they saw me in the bathroom they told me how hurt he said he was and how much he had fallen in love with me. I went to his house the next day to get mail. I asked him if we could talk and he told me to get off of his property. I left and went to California for 2 weeks.

 

On the plane ride back I wrote him a 4 page letter in a notebook. I waited a couple weeks and stopped by for more mail. He wouldn't answer the door but I texted him and told him I left a noteboook on his front porch. He still will not contact me and I don't know what to do. I think he still loves me and he's just hurt, I hurt everyday for him. I wake up with terrible thoughts of what I could have done. I don't know if I should wait a few weeks to contact him or if I should just let it go.

[healing light]

Sorry to hear about your situation. Have you thought about doing a paternity test with guy 1 just to confirm for certain? Though it's slim, there are false negatives.

 

Outside of confirming and being 100% sure, I would leave guy 2 alone. It's up to him whether he wants to come back or not, but I think any insistence or neediness at this time on your end will drive him away. He needs to feel like it's his choice and he needs time to recover. I'm a firm believer that men fall in love in the spaces. I'm sure he does love you but if there's any chance at all you have to let him weigh that against the situation at hand. Any more apologies on your end will make it sound like what guy 1 said was true.

 

Please focus on yourself and the baby at this time. Consider finding a support group for single mothers or a counselor of some sort so that you can talk to someone about all the roller coaster of emotions you must be feeling right now.