Involved to a mm :(

[RAShey6217]

Hi,

 

I'm here because I need someone to talk to, Badly.

Yes, I have friends but i'm not an open book to them.

Not because i'm full of secrets, but because i can't trust anyone around me.

 

And I don't want them to judge me.

I know not a lot of people will understand the situation of the OW/OM.

 

They'll judge us. Curse at us. Say a lot of bad things about US.

 

I'm currently living with him. Yeah, I know that's not right. But what can I do?

I want to be with him. I love him so much.

 

Now, He's on the annulment stage.

Before I met him, they're actually planning for their annulment.

 

Their parents set the marriage for them.

 

So now they decided to end their marriage.

 

But ofcourse it's not easy.

 

It has a lot of proccess before the court grant it, right?

So it will take a lot of time.

 

AND WAITING IS THE HARDEST PART FOR ME.

 

I have a lot of questions in my mind.

 

Should I wait?

Is it worth the wait?

 

I feel down. I'm so stressed.

 

Do i deserve to wait?

 

I love him so much but this is really difficult.

 

I can't walk away or leave him.

Coz' if did, I know i just hurt myself.

[RAShey6217]

My situation now is BAD.

 

I'm moving out because, i need to.

Not I want to.

 

I'm so stressed about this.

About us.

About my life.

About my family.

 

ABOUT EVERYTHING.

[RAShey6217]

2 nights to go before moving out.

 

I feel hurt.

It's like someone was stabbing me in my chest.

 

I think I'm depressed because of my situation.

 

I can't sleep thinking about this.

I get angry easily.

[grassisorisntgreener]

Why do you have to move out?

[Vivir]

Grass, RAShey6217 doesn't have to move out; however, living with him under these circumstances has got to be detrimental to her overall mental well-being, simply based off of her posts.

 

Hi,

 

AND WAITING IS THE HARDEST PART FOR ME.

 

Should I wait?

Is it worth the wait?

 

 

I can't walk away or leave him.

Coz' if did, I know i just hurt myself.

 

The going wisdom is that at the end of any relationship, feelings must be processed before the person can move on and be emotionally available. By you being there, he can deflect and use you as a cushion to soften the blow of the end of his marriage. Do you deserve that burden? What if he decides he wouldn't be in this mess if he hadn't taken up with you? What if he and his wife decide to reconcile at the last minute? Where would that leave you?

 

For the record, I am not an advocate of waiting. You will be putting your life on hold, and you could spend that time in more productive ways.

 

You can walk away. You can leave him. You may hurt yourself if you do these things, but that pain will be temporary in comparison to the pain that may come if he changes his mind about the annulment. There will also be pain if he does actually go through with it, because you will have to bear the brunt of his mental and emotional lessons and fallout from the marriage if you stick around. I have heard it is NOT an easy road. And it is not definite that you will get the man in the end.

 

Love him (and yourself) by letting him go to deal with his issue(s). He needs the space and not a distraction (here, you are a distraction). You are currently hurting, and you have to do something to heal yourself. This can be accomplished by leaving to save your own sanity. He can find you when he is fully available to offer you what you need and want.

 

Hugs and best of luck in finding your way.

Edited October 11, 2017 by Vivir

[RAShey6217]

Why do you have to move out?

 

We need to do that because there will be a visiting session on his place from this month onwards.

 

If proven he's living with someone, then both of us will get into jail.

[RAShey6217]

Why do you have to move out?

 

Grass, RAShey6217 doesn't have to move out; however, living with him under these circumstances has got to be detrimental to her overall mental well-being, simply based off of her posts.

 

 

 

The going wisdom is that at the end of any relationship, feelings must be processed before the person can move on and be emotionally available. By you being there, he can deflect and use you as a cushion to soften the blow of the end of his marriage. Do you deserve that burden? What if he decides he wouldn't be in this mess if he hadn't taken up with you? What if he and his wife decide to reconcile at the last minute? Where would that leave you?

 

For the record, I am not an advocate of waiting. You will be putting your life on hold, and you could spend that time in more productive ways.

 

You can walk away. You can leave him. You may hurt yourself if you do these things, but that pain will be temporary in comparison to the pain that may come if he changes his mind about the annulment. There will also be pain if he does actually go through with it, because you will have to bear the brunt of his mental and emotional lessons and fallout from the marriage if you stick around. I have heard it is NOT an easy road. And it is not definite that you will get the man in the end.

 

Love him (and yourself) by letting him go to deal with his issue(s). He needs the space and not a distraction (here, you are a distraction). You are currently hurting, and you have to do something to heal yourself. This can be accomplished by leaving to save your own sanity. He can find you when he is fully available to offer you what you need and want.

 

Hugs and best of luck in finding your way.

 

 

Thank you for the advice you've given to me.

Right now I'm in my family's place.

I'm thinking about what you said.

Hope it will be easy for me.

[misspalmy]

I dont get why people jurge. if the ow/ om was single then they dont owe anyone nothing.

 

dont worry about what others think. u did the same as the wife feel in love with the same man.

[Vivir]

I dont get why people jurge. if the ow/ om was single then they dont owe anyone nothing.

 

dont worry about what others think. u did the same as the wife feel in love with the same man.

 

misspalmy, I agree with you that we shouldn't worry about what others think. But the fact is that most of us do.

 

I would also argue that single other women/other men do owe someone something: we owe it to ourselves to avoid becoming romantically involved with those who cannot become romantically involved with us without keeping it TOP secret and in the shadows, giving us temporary highs in exchange for our sanity and integrity.

[RAShey6217]

misspalmy, I agree with you that we shouldn't worry about what others think. But the fact is that most of us do.

 

I would also argue that single other women/other men do owe someone something: we owe it to ourselves to avoid becoming romantically involved with those who cannot become romantically involved with us without keeping it TOP secret and in the shadows, giving us temporary highs in exchange for our sanity and integrity.

 

Of course, we owe ourselves to avoid. But what can we do? It's really hard to control ourself when it comes to love.

But sometimes it is not the ow/om 's fault.

MM/MW should stay away too. But because of their persistence to become romantically involved with them, you'll carried away with them.

 

If you heard the story right, it's still up to you if you'll go into that complicated situation.

[BaileyB]

Everyone is responsible for their own choices in life. And, each of our lives is a direct reflection of the decisions that we all make.

 

The decision to become involved in an affair with a married man is not inevitable. It is a choice. "Love" does not excuse a person from making the right and responsible choice not to become involved with a married man.

[Vivir]

Of course, we owe ourselves to avoid. But what can we do? It's really hard to control ourself when it comes to love.

But sometimes it is not the ow/om 's fault.

MM/MW should stay away too. But because of their persistence to become romantically involved with them, you'll carried away with them.

 

If you heard the story right, it's still up to you if you'll go into that complicated situation.

 

RAShey, your response highlights the idea I have that too many of us (myself included) go through life without thinking too deeply about how our choices and actions will be perceived and the effect(s) they will have on ourselves and others.

 

You ask, "What can we do?" It may be hard to control ourselves when it comes to love. But we can only control ourselves... Married people have made the choice by getting married to close themselves off to dating anyone aside from their spouses, and singles are only hurting ourselves by engaging with them beyond basic association, in my opinion.

 

If they are taken, or we learn later that they are taken, we owe it to ourselves to take a step back. We owe it to ourselves to directly tell persistent married people to leave us alone. But again, we cannot control married people or any others aside from ourselves. Being direct with people will let them know that you know they are trying you. That may be enough to make them stop, but if it isn't... you may have to take measures to force them out of your life...

 

And I advise forcing them out, because they are likely only to do us harm through major chaos.