Divorcing because of possible mood disorder,

[MidlifeMama]

it is indeed a very difficult situation to be in but I am trying to make the best out of it.

 

Several things happened over the last 10 days.

 

My wife filed her counterclaim full of lies on October 20.

She called me the following Sunday and started crying. Supposedly she didn't realize that I was transferring her $300 a month for our son. She lives on a very tight budget and there is no way that she didn't notice the extra money in the account.

 

I talked to my lawyer on Tuesday and was told that there is nothing in her claim that should make we worry too much. My attorney is still sure that I should at least get 50/50 custody and maybe even 70/30.

 

On Wednesday, after my wife picked up our son he wanted to talk to me and she called me. After I was done talking to him she started to talk to me. A few seconds later she was crying and told me the following things.

I cannot take this anymore, this is not going anywhere, I just spent my entire paycheck on my attorney, don't have money for anything.

 

Can we still agree on something?

 

I told her that we can meet over the weekend and discuss thing if she wants.

 

Hopefully, she will not change her mind again.

 

I also met with the therapist yesterday and was told that with 100% certainty, my wife has mood and personality disorders.

 

My lawyer can request a test to be done if it gets that far. I forgot the name of the test but the therapist told me that it has over 700 questions.

 

If she is willing to negotiate something should I make it a requirement for her to see a psychiatrist?

 

*Remember this saying when dealing with a person with a mental health issue:"You can not reason with an unreasonable person!" She does not believe she is ill. If she did, she would be trying to get herself help and working on it to get better AND acknowledging it. Is she doing that as far as you know? As soon as you suggest she get a psych eval, she will likely get angry, deny she needs it, get more angry and make things even harder for you.

 

Get your ducks in a row. Write down every mental health issue she has displayed. Keep a tight record and take that to your lawyer. Request for the sake of your son and any decisions on custody, that an evaluation be done. The judge can decide. Then if she does not follow a court order, you will likely get full custody, until she complies and even after it may swing towards you but Mother's tend to get the upper hand in custody battles, Be aware of this and don't back down or feel sorry for her. She will need to face her issues and only she can. You have a child at stake here, that is your #1 priority and your own sanity.

 

I tried to work out a 3 way phone conference over custody after I took my son out of state (I had left on a restraining order and received permission to move from the courts). The Father of my child showed who he really was with his issues and was escorted out of the building by security, ordered into mental health court and I received full custody of our son. He had the opportunity to make things right for himself and his son, but he did not follow through. Therefore, I received full custody.

 

I would caution you to be alone with her. I know that sounds crazy, but you need witnesses as sometimes people's issues don't present themselves to anyone but the one whom they are most angry or most close to.

 

Best of luck!

[Just a Guy]

Hi Damo, I think Midlifemama has given you excellent advice. She has had first hand experience of the kind of situation you are facing and you would do well to take note of it. I do hope things keep moving positively for you. Sometimes I feel sorry for your wife too. Mood swings due to genetic distortions can be awful and any blame cannot be pinned on the person suffering from it. What a terrible position to be in. I know to some extent what it can feel like because my mother was a manic depressive and we bore the brunt of her illness growing up. I know it affected us in how we developed as adults. Wish you the best .

[damol111]

Thank you all for the advice. My wife came Saturday morning to pick up our son and I asked her if she still wanted to talk.She told me no, we will never agree on something.She also became angry but was able to control her anger.

 

She is very disappointed in me because I don't want to pay for my own son. The only option for her is to get full custody and she will never give me 50/50 custody. She threatened to bring people to court to testify against me but I don't know who she will find. As far as I know, all of our friends are on my side except one of her girlfriends. She might have one witness but I can bring 20 witnesses that will testify that I was a good dad to my son and a good husband. When she came to pick up our son on Saturday her pupils were dilated to the point that I could hardly see any color in her eyes.

 

I am not backing down and will take any necessary measures to make sure that I at least get 50/50 custody. My attorney is working with her attorney to schedule mediation. I have no idea how long that will take.

 

I totally agree that it is impossible to reason with an unreasonable person but at the same time, I am surprised that other people haven't noticed how she changed since the steroid injection.

Edited October 30, 2017 by damol111

[damol111]

Any suggestions on what I can do to calm myself down? I am very nervous today and have not felt this way since she moved out. This whole situation is really nervewracking and is wearing me down slowly but surely.

 

I have my son tonight and will take him to pumpkin nights tonight which will be a good distraction for both of us.

 

Tomorrow we are going trick or treat as a family which our son will enjoy for sure. Our son has been looking forward to Halloween for the last two months.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Damo, why don't you consult your physician for this problem? He would be able to prescribe something to calm you. Just try it. Best wishes

[MidlifeMama]

Be careful if you get Benzo's prescribed (Ex: Alprazolam, Lorazepam) Very addictive and hell to come off of them. I have seen that first hand. I would suggest meditation and yoga. Even for men, yes! Plenty of physical activity.

 

A low-dose anti-depressant can help and doesn't have to be forever, but during this difficult time. You can wean off later if you choose. There are plenty that have an anti-anxiety factor as well. You may have to try several before finding the right one for you.

 

Sometimes I take Benadryl at night when I can't sleep. Not enough sleep is a huge factor in not being able to cope.

 

My son started drinking Kava Tea. It has a sedative and calming effect. You could try that in the evening.

 

Good you are spending time with your son!! Enjoy!

[damol111]

I am not considering any prescription drugs at this point. I purchased some 5-HTP and will start taking it today. Hopefully, it will help.

 

The therapist guided me into the right direction by saying that my wife is thining all positive or all negative.

 

She is most likely suffering from Cognitive Distortions. Does anyone have any idea how long those phases last? Will they go away without treatment?

[Just a Guy]

Hi Damp, if you have a sleep problem you could try Melatonin, of course under a doctor's supervision. Melatonin is actually produced by the body itself in normal course but stress can disrupt the proper production. It is non addictive. Best wishes.