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Should this be a dealbreaker?

LittleMiss

By LittleMiss,
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LittleMiss

LittleMiss

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Well, let me start by saying that this relationship started as a MM situation. For any of you that don't know he left his wife last year and moved in with me. We have been living together for a little less than a year. Things are great and progressing in a positive way. We have both taken huge risks to be together and so far so good. We both love each other. We do fight sometimes, but that is normal in any relationship. Overall, things are great.

 

I have one son (2) from a previous relationship, and he has two sons (5) and (9) from his wife. The thing is I know he doesn't want any more children. Right now, I'm not too sure how I feel about this. I admit sometimes I wish I had a girl, but then again I know it wouldn't be good timing for me to have a child any time soon. I'm not even really sure if I could handle another one. I guess every woman wishes they had a little girl to dress up and play dolls with. I have my son and believe me he is a handful!

 

So do you think this is going to be a big problem? I mean if I decide I don't want any more kids then no worries, but what if later that longing gets stronger. Should I sacrifice a really great relationship because there is a possibility that I might want children in the future?

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alphamale

alphamale

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Originally posted by gtab

Should I sacrifice a really great relationship because there is a possibility that I might want children in the future?

No

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NYCmitch25

NYCmitch25

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Originally posted by gtab

Well, let me start by saying that this relationship started as a MM situation. For any of you that don't know he left his wife last year and moved in with me. We have been living together for a little less than a year. Things are great and progressing in a positive way. We have both taken huge risks to be together and so far so good. We both love each other. We do fight sometimes, but that is normal in any relationship. Overall, things are great.

 

I have one son (2) from a previous relationship, and he has two sons (5) and (9) from his wife. The thing is I know he doesn't want any more children. Right now, I'm not too sure how I feel about this. I admit sometimes I wish I had a girl, but then again I know it wouldn't be good timing for me to have a child any time soon. I'm not even really sure if I could handle another one. I guess every woman wishes they had a little girl to dress up and play dolls with. I have my son and believe me he is a handful!

 

So do you think this is going to be a big problem? I mean if I decide I don't want any more kids then no worries, but what if later that longing gets stronger. Should I sacrifice a really great relationship because there is a possibility that I might want children in the future?

 

At first I want to say yes, but that isn't the right answer (thats the all American what about ME answer). However, if you think you are going to be resentful of him or something then maybe you should let it be known to him you have these *strong* desires. An open dialogue can go a long way if it's done properly. Also, if it's just because you want to have a girl, that is borderline selfish because for one, what happens if you get another boy ? It seems also that if you become obsessive about having a girl, it's a problem with you and not his willingness to have children since there 3 little ones in the picture now. To be honest, I'm only guessing at all of this... to me children are like icecream, nice to have but I don't *need* it to fulfill my life. (but I've not a parent, I can't fully relate to it)

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LittleMiss

LittleMiss

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Originally posted by NYCmitch25

At first I want to say yes, but that isn't the right answer (thats the all American what about ME answer). However, if you think you are going to be resentful of him or something then maybe you should let it be known to him you have these *strong* desires. An open dialogue can go a long way if it's done properly. Also, if it's just because you want to have a girl, that is borderline selfish because for one, what happens if you get another boy ? It seems also that if you become obsessive about having a girl, it's a problem with you and not his willingness to have children since there 3 little ones in the picture now. To be honest, I'm only guessing at all of this... to me children are like icecream, nice to have but I don't *need* it to fulfill my life. (but I've not a parent, I can't fully relate to it)

 

Well, at first I guess it was about having a little girl, but not so much that now. I guess I just miss having a baby around. I should've made that more clear. My boy isn't a baby anymore. He's grown so fast. I also loved being pregnant. I never had any morning sickness or anything like that. It felt wonderful knowing I had my little baby inside me. I guess it may be a little selfish of me.

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lindya

lindya

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You have to decide what your own personal deal-breakers are, gtab. To try to mirror back what you seem to be saying in the post - you would quite like a little girl just now, but it's not a huge burning issue, and you've already got a lot on your plate to deal with. What if it becomes a big deal for you later on?"

 

What can be said? Later on, it might become a deal-breaker. Ifs, mights and maybes are precarious things to determine important decisions on. Often they only really serve to complicate any decision-making process...or, worse still, create problems where there are none.

 

Examining your feelings right now (and bearing in mind that you have no real way of knowing how you'll feel in say 5 years time)....at this precise moment, is the prospect of not having another child a deal-breaker for you? If not, then maybe the best thing to do is focus on enjoying your life as it is right now.

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LittleMiss

LittleMiss

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Originally posted by lindya

You have to decide what your own personal deal-breakers are, gtab. To try to mirror back what you seem to be saying in the post - you would quite like a little girl just now, but it's not a huge burning issue, and you've already got a lot on your plate to deal with. What if it becomes a big deal for you later on?"

 

What can be said? Later on, it might become a deal-breaker. Ifs, mights and maybes are precarious things to determine important decisions on. Often they only really serve to complicate any decision-making process...or, worse still, create problems where there are none.

 

Examining your feelings right now (and bearing in mind that you have no real way of knowing how you'll feel in say 5 years time)....at this precise moment, is the prospect of not having another child a deal-breaker for you? If not, then maybe the best thing to do is focus on enjoying your life as it is right now.

 

Thank you! You said it perfectly. You are all right. Who knows how I'm going to feel later? I guess I just get nervous cause everything is going so good right now. I don't want to have a big blow out over something in the future. I guess I'm trying to solve my problems before they even happen.

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Art_Critic

Art_Critic

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Have you tried to talk your feelings out with him ? you may be able to come up with a decision if you both talk it over

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