How to deal with a taken woman?

[Andrew9]

I'm having trouble dealing with feelings for a woman in a committed relationship. We've known each other for about 3 years now and recently, i've grown very attracted to her. Judging from her body language, i think she was flirting with me in a way. She was staring at me intimately, getting real close to me, making eye-contact, etc. She's happy to see me often. We talk about very emotional subjects. I found out she was taken and she seemed upset. I freaked out and thought to myself "what have i done?!?" I got indirectly intimate with her and she seemed to have cheated on her man emotionally/romantically with me. I know it's wrong but i can't help it at times. I don't want to be the reason she and her husband break up. I'm also questioning her character. If she's doing this behind her man's back, who's to say she won't do the same to me if we got together? Even if she left him for me, i'd still feel guilty to a point where i might break up with her anyways. Should i tell her my feelings? I've kept quiet about it for a long time and don't know how to deal with it.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

You don't want to start down this road. Stop as much contact with this woman as possible.

[BaileyB]

You must distance yourself from this woman. You can't see her or talk to her anymore.

[Sparkling Storm]

You could save yourself a world of pain by turning in the opposite direction and running for the hills. Oh how I wish I'd done that.

 

Do it now before it's too late. There's no happiness at the end of this road. You have the chance to meet someone unattached and have a great life. Take it. The other path might give you some unbelievable highs but the lows may well destroy you.

[trailwolf]

ur absolutely right , if she cheats on her husband she will for sure cheat on you , GET out now !!!!!

[Sparkling Storm]

ur absolutely right , if she cheats on her husband she will for sure cheat on you

 

This is a sweeping statement and I don't believe it to be some kind of universal truth. I am a MW who had an A and I would never ever do it again. Just because someone makes a bad choice once that doesn't mean they will always make the same bad choice. Some people get off on the lies and the secrecy and are likely to do it again. Others, having lived through it once, know without a doubt that they would never put themselves and others back in that situation. In fact I'd go as far as to say that those people - and I know there are some here in LS - would actually make better partners and be less likely to cheat because of what they've been through.

 

I still think he should run but I don't agree with this statement.

[Origin]

Stay away my man, I wish I did. It’s not worth the pain, the anxiety, feeling lost...I almost committed suicide.

 

If she got upset at you for you finding out she had a man it could be narcissistic behavior. She wants to create in your mind a picture of a woman she thinks you want, that’s why you finding out about her man causes her to be upset because the woman she is trying to “sell to you” would never do something like that.

 

My advice is to have boundaries RIGHT AWAY. From personal experience I will tell you again to stay away, but if you wanna pursue this you should ask her to be single and you guys can see what will happen.

 

I guarantee you she won’t leave him but will give you an excuse “I can’t leave him now, but for you ONE DAY I will”.

 

Unless she’s single you have no future.

[kittencupcake]

The best way to deal with a taken woman is to not deal with her at all.

[whichwayisup]

I'm having trouble dealing with feelings for a woman in a committed relationship. We've known each other for about 3 years now and recently, i've grown very attracted to her. Judging from her body language, i think she was flirting with me in a way. She was staring at me intimately, getting real close to me, making eye-contact, etc. She's happy to see me often. We talk about very emotional subjects. I found out she was taken and she seemed upset. I freaked out and thought to myself "what have i done?!?" I got indirectly intimate with her and she seemed to have cheated on her man emotionally/romantically with me. I know it's wrong but i can't help it at times. I don't want to be the reason she and her husband break up. I'm also questioning her character. If she's doing this behind her man's back, who's to say she won't do the same to me if we got together? Even if she left him for me, i'd still feel guilty to a point where i might break up with her anyways. Should i tell her my feelings? I've kept quiet about it for a long time and don't know how to deal with it.

 

Do NOT tell her how you feel. She has a husband and is taken. She's playing a flirty fun game with you and has no intention of giving up what she has at home to be with you. You are feeding her ego, all the meanwhile falling for her along the way.

 

Distance yourself and hold yourself accountable - Be a gentleman and walk away. She isn't yours and she shouldn't be offering herself up like this to you. It's just wrong and you know it. As you said too, since she is doing this behind her partners back, she's capable of doing it to you as well. And, I highly doubt you've been her first flirt/ego feed. She is broken inside. Something is missing inside of her and you're fulfilling that missing need. And that ain't love, nor is it care. It's ego and it's all about her not you.

 

Find a single woman if you're looking for love and a relationship. Lusting after a 'taken' woman is just a big waste of your time and energy. You really don't know her that well either so it's not like your heart is breaking here.

Edited October 11, 2017 by whichwayisup

[Andrew9]

Stay away my man, I wish I did. It’s not worth the pain, the anxiety, feeling lost...I almost committed suicide.

 

If she got upset at you for you finding out she had a man it could be narcissistic behavior. She wants to create in your mind a picture of a woman she thinks you want, that’s why you finding out about her man causes her to be upset because the woman she is trying to “sell to you” would never do something like that.

 

My advice is to have boundaries RIGHT AWAY. From personal experience I will tell you again to stay away, but if you wanna pursue this you should ask her to be single and you guys can see what will happen.

 

I guarantee you she won’t leave him but will give you an excuse “I can’t leave him now, but for you ONE DAY I will”.

 

Unless she’s single you have no future.

 

What experience did you have that made you realize what you did?

[Andrew9]

Do NOT tell her how you feel. She has a husband and is taken. She's playing a flirty fun game with you and has no intention of giving up what she has at home to be with you. You are feeding her ego, all the meanwhile falling for her along the way.

 

Distance yourself and hold yourself accountable - Be a gentleman and walk away. She isn't yours and she shouldn't be offering herself up like this to you. It's just wrong and you know it. As you said too, since she is doing this behind her partners back, she's capable of doing it to you as well. And, I highly doubt you've been her first flirt/ego feed. She is broken inside. Something is missing inside of her and you're fulfilling that missing need. And that ain't love, nor is it care. It's ego and it's all about her not you.

 

Find a single woman if you're looking for love and a relationship. Lusting after a 'taken' woman is just a big waste of your time and energy. You really don't know her that well either so it's not like your heart is breaking here.

 

Very great points. I'll take your advice. She did say she felt she was going to be alone for the rest of her life and had a negative view on love. She felt bad about herself and the way people made her feel until she met her man. They've been married for years although i'm not sure if that's a red flag or what not.

[Origin]

What experience did you have that made you realize what you did?

 

Go read my story, you can find it somewhere on here. The amount of hurt and drama is just not worth the pain. It nearly cost me my life in April and again in August. In April I thought of suicide and in August I had the actual gun in my hand.

 

She’s with somebody, you should respect that if she can’t. Trust me man. If she leaves him, then sure give it a shot, but don’t be plan B holding onto something she will never give you. I’ve heard of every excuse in the book on “why she can’t”.

 

Again, just from a brief description you said about her getting mad at you for finding out she has a man, is setting off red flags that she may be narcissistic and god help you if she is. If she is selling you a story how she’s unhappy, and is a victim...be very careful. I wish I had the clarity I have now back when I first got involved with that girl.

Edited October 11, 2017 by Origin

[Andrew9]

Go read my story, you can find it somewhere on here. The amount of hurt and drama is just not worth the pain. It nearly cost me my life in April and again in August. In April I thought of suicide and in August I had the actual gun in my hand.

 

She’s with somebody, you should respect that if she can’t. Trust me man. If she leaves him, then sure give it a shot, but don’t be plan B holding onto something she will never give you. I’ve heard of every excuse in the book on “why she can’t”.

 

Again, just from a brief description you said about her getting mad at you for finding out she has a man, is setting off red flags that she may be narcissistic and god help you if she is. If she is selling you a story how she’s unhappy, and is a victim...be very careful. I wish I had the clarity I have now back when I first got involved with that girl.

 

Read your story and wow, i'm really sorry that happened to you. I never imagined situations like that could cause so much pain and emotional destruction. Made me rethink alot of things. I had something similar happen years ago. I've been sadly led on by a couple of girls. One who flat out denied it repeatedly. It was emotionally draining and i suffered alot. I regretted ever meeting her. I don't want a similar situation to happen.

[DKT3]

This is a sweeping statement and I don't believe it to be some kind of universal truth. I am a MW who had an A and I would never ever do it again. Just because someone makes a bad choice once that doesn't mean they will always make the same bad choice. Some people get off on the lies and the secrecy and are likely to do it again. Others, having lived through it once, know without a doubt that they would never put themselves and others back in that situation. In fact I'd go as far as to say that those people - and I know there are some here in LS - would actually make better partners and be less likely to cheat because of what they've been through.

 

I still think he should run but I don't agree with this statement.

 

Well, I both agree and disagree. Women who cheat usually only cheat once, or I should say with one person. In my opinion, from what I've read you are highly likely to restart with your affair partner. Truly getting to the bottom of it means a lot of unpacking, lots of self reflection and facing some hard truths about ones self. While women tend to not repeat the act itself, most remain wayward in thier approach to Marriage and relationships still making them poor choices for relationships.

 

OP, getting involved with bring alot of complications to your life. Lots of pain and at the end what would be the best possible outcome? You get a woman who cheats.

[Darren Steez]

I know it's wrong but i can't help it at times.

 

Of course you can, what are you 3? Not in control of your actions, can't control talking to her, how about not talking to her? It's fairly easy.

 

Look people can sugar coat stuff but the truth is there's a dude out there who doesn't know his wife is cheating on him. The longer this goes on the more chance he will find out, you'd better hope she's not writing stuff on a diary or something, when he finds out he might wants answers to some questions and your reply to him will be I know it was wrong but I couldn't help being with your wife.. I bet he'll be understanding with that logic.

[Andrew9]

Of course you can, what are you 3? Not in control of your actions, can't control talking to her, how about not talking to her? It's fairly easy.

 

Look people can sugar coat stuff but the truth is there's a dude out there who doesn't know his wife is cheating on him. The longer this goes on the more chance he will find out, you'd better hope she's not writing stuff on a diary or something, when he finds out he might wants answers to some questions and your reply to him will be I know it was wrong but I couldn't help being with your wife.. I bet he'll be understanding with that logic.

 

Good point.

[misspalmy]

have lots one night stands with singles?

[elaine567]

Women who cheat usually only cheat once, or I should say with one person.

 

Is that a research based assertion or an assumption?

[Andrew9]

have lots one night stands with singles?

 

lol funny.

[Poppy47]

Is that a research based assertion or an assumption?

 

Yes, that is a very odd assertion to make. Who would one KNOW this about the whole of womankind. Is it branded on us somewhere like cows?

 

Poppy.