Should i be freaking out like I want to..?

[SweetNSourAries]

So me (23) and (Lets just call him John) John (25) have been dating for almost 7 months now. We have an amazing connection and we are both getting to the point where we are starting to see long term things with eachother. Planning road trips and holiday plans to meet the family, etc. Here’s where the problem is; for the past 4 months this girl named “Janet” has called his phone about once a month around 1-2am. The first two times this has happened he staright up told her that she cnt call him late anymore because he’s seeing me. So apparently this woman knows who i am and what me and him have. After the convo ended i politely asked who that was and he said she was a really good friend that he met on an astrology blog about a year ago. Theyve never met and she lives milessss away in another state. It bothered me but i let it slide because im not the type of gf to just say that he cant have female friends. I DID however tell him that she cant call after midnight because thats ****ing weird...he agreed. Lets fast forward to today...she’s called 5 times now and theyve all been after midnight. He talks to her for a second and then tells her again that she cant call that late. Last weekend he put her on speakerphone when she called at 2:30 am. She had a problem with the fact that im asking her not call that late and he told her that he agrees with me. Me and him have had two small arguments about this and he’s basically saying that they talk about 2 times a week and its not always at night. I want to trust that this is nothing because me and him are doingn so well and she knows who i am but if theyre just friends then why is it so hard to do what i ask? Should i be concerned with their relationship? What should i do if she calls him late again?

Thanks guys.

Edited October 11, 2017 by SweetNSourAries

[umirano]

If I understand your post correctly your boyfriend agrees with you and keeps telling her that she can't call after midnight. Were they intimate before you started dating John? Ask him what exactly she is to him, and measure him by his words. If there is anything serious going on you should be able to tell from his reaction. If there's nothing serious I don't see why he can't make her vanish. If she keeps popping up in your relationship he's implicitly telling you she matters quite a bit. Probably more than you should accept.

[d0nnivain]

Can't you just ask him to turn his phone off. If he stops picking up, she may stop calling.

[SweetNSourAries]

From my understanding they dont have any prior dating history and theyve never met. He keeps telling me that hes not attracted to her and he doesnt know why she keeps calling but then he completely backs up the friendship and says that he doesn’t know ehat else to do. He’s told me that she’s seeing someone and all of this other stiff that does make me feel better about the situation but the fact that they cant respect the one thing i ask says alot. He’s a jealous person and i told him that if i had a guy call me that late then he would completely freak and he agrees. I just dont understand why he even feels the need to speak with this woman so often. She wouldnt keep calling that late of he wasnt letting her when im not around. I do think i need to sit with him and get more info...i just dont know what else there is to ask at this point. Should i just attempt to end it with him if she calls again? I dont want to give him an ultimatum but ive given them so many chances.

[d0nnivain]

Why are you going to break up with him over her behavior?

 

 

I'd sit him down & talk to him about the timing. Ask him to put his foot down with this caller about the time she calls. These 2:30 a.m. phone calls are rude.

 

 

You can set it up to be about you vs her but avoid ultimatums

[umirano]

Should i just attempt to end it with him if she calls again? I dont want to give him an ultimatum but ive given them so many chances.

 

No, no attempts. Either end it or don't. I think your gut is telling you something is up and your boyfriend was not able to address it in a satisfying manner. Do you want their contact to stop completely? Then an ultimatum is the only way. You better have good arguments though. Most people don't like their non-romantic relationships governed by their partner.

 

Personally I don't have a problem with rejecting calls from anyone if they bother me at a certain time. Why is your bf so eager to pick up her calls, even late at night?

[trailwolf]

very simple , just tell him to turn his phone off at night !

[smackie9]

Now that he is dating you and investing in the future...I think he should have grown out of their relationship and be moving on. Block/delete her off his phone is what he should be doing since she is not respecting his request to stop calling. If they wish to chat about astrology, they can interact posting on the blog.

 

My impression is, he is down playing his past feelings for her. I bet money on it they had an emotional affair. They are both having a hard time letting go is what is happening. He knows what he has to do, but is hesitant to do it....and all he is doing is pacifying you by agreeing with you. His words don't match his actions. if she was a true friend, she wouldn't be calling in the middle of the night. Maybe she drunk calls him who knows....this isn't right, and he knows it.

[Space Ritual]

So me (23) and (Lets just call him John) John (25) have been dating for almost 7 months now. We have an amazing connection and we are both getting to the point where we are starting to see long term things with eachother. Planning road trips and holiday plans to meet the family, etc. Here’s where the problem is; for the past 4 months this girl named “Janet” has called his phone about once a month around 1-2am. The first two times this has happened he staright up told her that she cnt call him late anymore because he’s seeing me. So apparently this woman knows who i am and what me and him have. After the convo ended i politely asked who that was and he said she was a really good friend that he met on an astrology blog about a year ago. Theyve never met and she lives milessss away in another state. It bothered me but i let it slide because im not the type of gf to just say that he cant have female friends. I DID however tell him that she cant call after midnight because thats ****ing weird...he agreed. Lets fast forward to today...she’s called 5 times now and theyve all been after midnight. He talks to her for a second and then tells her again that she cant call that late. Last weekend he put her on speakerphone when she called at 2:30 am. She had a problem with the fact that im asking her not call that late and he told her that he agrees with me. Me and him have had two small arguments about this and he’s basically saying that they talk about 2 times a week and its not always at night. I want to trust that this is nothing because me and him are doingn so well and she knows who i am but if theyre just friends then why is it so hard to do what i ask? Should i be concerned with their relationship? What should i do if she calls him late again?

Thanks guys.

 

Your boyfriend is either a Liar, a Pussy, or a combination of both.

 

I'd go with option 3.

 

And you are considering a future with this guy. Please say you realize that this is total folly.

 

No chick calls like that unless she has a vested interest, is a FWB or is a Bunny Boiler. At any rate, it would behoove you to seek a different relationship.

[ExpatInItaly]

She's now doing this on purpose, to irritate you and disrupt your relationship. A real "friend" would not openly disrespect her friend's wishes to not call in the middle of the night. They're such good friends, yet she is not a friend of your relationship - and they have never even met!

 

Your boyfriend is allowing it. That is where you need to be concerned. He could very easily solve this, yet he's not. I don't think he's being honest with you about who she is exactly, and what their connection was/is.